A lack of intimacy in marriage can cause even the strongest relationships to go astray. But, what is intimacy in marriage?
Intimacy in a relationship is not just about having a good time together in the bed. Emotional intimacy is equally essential for the two people to feel loved and secure in the relationship.
Just like anything else in life, intimacy needs to be consistently taken care of and protected in order to thrive. A relationship without intimacy is just like existing and not living!
Think of a garden: a gardener should not only plant the seeds but also needs to tend to the garden if he or she wants to harvest anything worthwhile. The same goes for intimacy in marriage. If you want incredible intimacy, you must tend to your spouse and marriage.
Here are a few intimacy tips to protect and grow the intimacy in your marriage:
1. Flirt with your spouse
It may sound pretty obvious, but it is ridiculously easy to get lost in the day to day activities of life and forget to keep up the flirtations!
Remember back to the times when you and your spouse first started dating. Did you and your then-girlfriend/boyfriend only talk about what bills needed to be paid or what had to be done around the house?
Of course not! You two flirted with one another! That is when you fell in love. That is why it is crucial to continue the flame!
There are many different ways you can flirt with your spouse. Every couple has little gestures or phrases that get each other going. So why not shoot your spouse a text with those phrases from time to time?
It is a small thing with a tremendous impact. Some texts are the run-of-mill “pick up some milk on your way home,” and some are way spicier. Enjoy the spicier ones!
Other ways to flirt can include leaving feisty notes for your spouse, emailing him or her words of affirmation, and even calling. However, you and your spouse flirt, have at it. The most important thing is that you do flirt with each other and NEVER with anyone else.
2. Regularly date your spouse
This piece of advice is also a bit of common sense, but once again, couples forget to continue dating their spouse after marriage. Dating your spouse is such an important task that can make or break the intimacy in your marriage. Men and women both need to feel wanted, loved, and appreciated.
With that mind, taking your spouse on a date helps to ensure that he or she feels those things. Not to mention that you will also leave with your emotional cup filled up!
When date night is regular, you and your spouse will be happy with each other because you will grow together, learn together, and have fun together. Neither of you will feel like you are “behind” or “ahead” of the other. You will both be on the same page.
It can be challenging to work out the details sometimes, especially if you have children, but date night should be a huge priority. So, try to find a babysitter that can watch the kids once a week.
If a sitter isn’t feasible or you are on a tight budget, have a date at home once your kids go to sleep. There are so many ways you and your spouse can make time to allow for a regular date night. Make it work!
Make a pact with your spouse today that you both will be intentional about keeping your “intimacy garden” growing. When flirting and dating become regular habits in marriage, intimacy thrives.
3. Think of innovative ways
It is pretty normal for the things to get boring under the sheets with the passing years, especially if you have been married for very long.
Priorities in life change, and inadvertently you start losing yourself in the race of life, your career, kids, and so on. Physical intimacy takes a back seat, and without you knowing, your bond seems to grow distant.
There is no rule that your sex life has to become boring if you have been married for good long years. You must think of innovative ideas to reignite your sex life. The next time you do it, make sure you pleasantly surprise your partner!
4. Plan for it
Despite doing extensive research for adding zing to your sex life, what’s the point if you find no time to bring your ideas to practice?
You might have your reasons for having a busy day at work, or the kids getting on your nerves or other such family commitments. But, remember, you can’t leave it all on destiny.
So, in order to improve intimacy in marriage, take charge, and plan for it. Do whatever it takes to have a fantastic time with your spouse tonight.
For example, you can leave your kids at the grandparents’ or stay awake for extra hours to not miss out on the fun. You can cover up for the lost sleep the next day!
5. Seek professional help
If you have tried everything under the sky to improve intimacy in marriage and nothing seems to be working, it would help to seek professional help for reviving passion in your marriage.
You can search for a licensed counselor or a therapist and opt for couples therapy or sex therapy.
It is always better to have an extra set of eyes on your issues to get sorted with them and rekindling the spark in the relationship.
Wrapping it up
Everyone has their own share of intimacy issues in marriage. It is upon you to keep them lingering or work towards reviving intimacy in marriage.
It is very easy to watch a relationship go astray, do nothing about it, and regret later. Instead, if you take cognizance about the marital intimacy issues well in time, you can do a lot to save your marriage.
So, bring back intimacy in marriage to bring back your happy, healthy relationship on its track. Good luck!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.