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The Importance of Emotional Intimacy in a Marriage

The Importance of Emotional Intimacy in a Marriage

Emotional intimacy is an intense intellectual and emotional closeness with another person that leads to love. Emotional intimacy is present in close relationships which share feelings, thoughts, and possible secrets.  For a relationship to be considered stable, there has to be a satisfactory degree of emotional intimacy for the both parties in the relationship or marriage.  One couple’s degree of intimacy that is satisfactory in their marriage may not be the same satisfactory degree of intimacy in another’s marriage.

Determine emotional intimacy compatibility in your relationship with this 10 question discussion assessment. You and your partner or spouse should give it a try, it may open up a discussion and reveal some things you never thought to ask about.  

Why is emotional intimacy in a marriage important?

1. There is no love without emotional intimacy

Love is based on the sharing of feelings, thoughts, emotions, and secrets. Love does not judge. Love is unconditional. There is a requirement for some degree of intellectual and emotional closeness to be present in order for love to develop in the relationship or marriage. Some people have arranged marriages and grow to love each other due to expectations and understandings of their culture, traditions, or religion. This level of emotional intimacy is acceptable to both parties in the marriage.

2. There is no emotional attachment or commitment without emotional intimacy

Many TV and commercial love stories have been made famous because they are based on this theory.  Beauty and the Beast is a classic example.  Because of their intense emotional closeness’, all character defects are overlooked and forgiven.  The perception is that the couple will do anything to stay together no matter what.  They are totally honest with each other as well as inspiring and supportive. Their relationship is based on a high intensity of emotional intimacy.  Never mind the fact that he is a beast and she is a human or that he is a murderer and she is a police officer.  Emotional intimacy is not based on sameness of character, religion, sex, age or culture.  It is based on a satisfactory degree of expectations, understanding, and affirmations to the partners or spouses involved. That is one of the main reasons interracial relationships and cultural diversity relationships can be and most often, successful.

3. There can be a great sex life without emotional intimacy but not a great marriage

A marriage that is monogamous or when the spouses or partners are faithful, has a high degree of sharing feelings, emotions, and trust. Many people indulge in great sex with people they don’t know.  There is no relationship only an understanding that both are just casual friends.  However, in a one on one relationship, it takes a deeper level of intimacy to relate and share emotional vulnerabilities with one person for the rest of your life. Married people emotional intimacy helps them get through one day at a time and before they know it, they have been married for years.

There can be a great sex life without emotional intimacy but not a great marriage

4. Without emotional intimacy there is no growth

We grow through our relationships because we are creatures of habit. Most highly successful people are married because they have strong partners who support them in their dreams, goals, and ambitions.  Most lawyers are married to highly intelligent women who can challenge them.  In choosing a partner, most people who are successful chose partners who have the same strengths as they do, not weaknesses. The reason is because they know the other person will understand them and have the same expectations of the marriage.  For examples, police officers, lawyers, and doctors are widely known to marry spouses within the same profession.

5. Emotional intimacy helps develop stable family environment

Highly dysfunctional families that include children are often dysfunctional due to the family environment being negative.  Positive emotional intimacy in a marriage makes the children feel secure and safe. They do not see mommy and daddy fighting all the time and abusing each other. The kids are free to worry about kid things and not adult matters that they are not equipped to handle.  

How can one assess emotional intimacy compatibility?  

You and your spouse should discuss the 10 questions below. Reflection and honest discussion will determine if you and your partner or spouse need get a little closer.

  1. How often do you feel the need to “talk things out?”
  2. How often do you want to just cuddle?
  3. How often do you feel bad for deceiving your spouse or partner?
  4. How often have you caused an argument just to get attention?
  5. How often do you feel you do not get a fair say in the decision making process?
  6. How often are you with your spouse in the same room and feel alone?
  7. How often do you have dirty fights, or arguments in front of the kids?
  8. How often do each of you share updates about your lives without being asked?
  9. How often do each of you help out with the kids to release stress for the other?
  10. How often do you say “I love you” to each other.

In conclusion, emotional intimacy in marriage is highly desirable in order for both partners to create a committed, loving, and supportive relationship and stable family life.


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