What to Expect From Marriage Counseling: 10 Advice for Couples

A lot of people believe that marriage counseling is a tricky business. After all, who knows more about their marriage than the couple themselves? How can someone else do it if they can’t figure it out?

But a fresh perspective can be gained from looking objectively outside the box. It may sound logical in theory, but making sound decisions inside an emotional roller-coaster of a failing marriage is difficult.

Dr. Gabrielle Morrissey states that the goal of marriage counseling depends on you. Most couples attend therapy to save their marriage, but no ethical counselor would allow an unhealthy relationship to continue. So it depends on the couples to decide if they wish to move forward and improve their relationship or have it arrive at an amicable end.

What is marriage counseling?

Marriage counseling refers to seeking the help of a professional couples therapist when a married couple is going through marital distress that they cannot solve themselves.

These problems can include infidelity, emotional abuse, physical abuse, financial problems, or other issues between the couple and their marriage.

What happens in marriage counseling?

A professional and licensed professional helps you deal with these problems and improve your marriage.

To know more, read this article.

20 common marriage counseling session questions

Looking for marriage counseling questions? According to GuideDoc, there are twenty common marriage counseling questions spouses ask each other. 

1. What are our main issues?

Couples with a stressful relationship have a few main issues that are the source of all the other conflicts. Discussing it in the open may help resolve it. 

2. What issues are most important?

It is the same as the first one. However, the couple may disagree on which issue is of greater importance. 

3. Do you want a divorce?

Couples will have to explore this possibility. 

4. Are we going through a bad phase?

Married people are mature adults (I hope). They understand that life has ups and downs. Some may consider what they’re experiencing a bad streak, while others may find it unbearable. 

5. How do you truly feel about our relationship?

It is a leading question to encourage honesty. 

6. What bothers you most about me?

It is the same question as above, except it is more specific and targeted. 

7. What kind of love do you feel?

This question is a derivative of “Do You Love Me?” But delivered in a way that could not be answered with a flat out No. It allows for a more complex discussion of their relationship together. 

8. Do you trust me?

Trust is one of the pillars of any healthy marriage and this is a vital question to ask.

9. How can I gain your trust back?

If the answer to the above question is no, then this is an even more important question.

10. Are you satisfied with our intimacy?

It helps to open up the couple’s physical intimacy and chemistry. 

11. Are you seeing someone new?

Unhappy partners often cheat. But the marriage cannot heal and move forward unless everything is laid out in the open. 

12. Have you ever considered having an affair?

It is another way of asking the same question above. Just because they aren’t seeing anyone new now, that doesn’t mean they have been completely loyal in the past. 

13. What to expect in couples counseling?

It is to get the therapist on the same page as the couples and have a common goal. 

14. What are your reasons for working things out?

If things are so bad, but the couple voluntarily attends counseling sessions, it means both parties still have hope in their relationship. 

15. Are there any past conflicts we should resolve?

This tries to dig deeper into their problems. It’s always possible that something slipped through the cracks and continues to hurt the relationship. 

16. Can you communicate with me?

This is a simple question of trust. Many couples that lost each other’s trust and respect are why they no longer talk. 

17. Do you feel accepted?

Simple question, but it needs a complicated answer. Whenever a spouse is mad about something, a partner may feel that they are being rejected. 

18. How do you see the future?

This is a leading question about goals and reality. 

19. Have we tried everything?

This is a question to ensure the couple is willing to move forward and not give up. 

20. Are you willing to change to make improvements?

Checking for openness to change is the hardest question of all. To make changes in their lives, they have to change themselves first.

5 principles of effective couples therapy

Now that you know the most common questions to expect from marital counseling, here are the five principles of effective couples therapy. 

1. Change the couple’s perception

When the relationship is in trouble, it is obvious that the couple looks at it badly. Since it’s a relationship between two people (hopefully only two), all that negativity is directed at one person.

The therapist must do all he can to change that perception. 

Related Reading: A Guide to Love Life for Every Married Couple

2. Modifies dysfunctional behavior

A relationship will not be in dire straits if both parties are nice to each other and fulfill their marital duties. It will only go downhill if one or both have something in their personalities that their partner finds offensive.

Therapy can help modify this behavior, similar to individual counseling to improve the relationship. 

3. Decreases emotional avoidance

Failed relationships happen when the couple loses their trust, respect, and affection for each other.

After all that, hate starts to build. Since both partners live under the same roof, they retreat and avoid each other so as not to aggravate the situation further.

This method will only slow down the eventual downfall of their marriage. It also prevents any new positive memories from fixing it.

Therapy will attempt to break down those barriers and reestablish their bond. 

Related Reading: 25 Evidence-based Ways of Communicating With an Avoidant Partner

4. Improves communication

Dysfunctional relationships no longer have smooth communication lines.

Negative thoughts and emotions flow freely between two angry individuals. A neutral, objective third party can act as a mediator to reestablish communication. 

5. Promotes strengths

A married couple loved each other once upon a time. Even with all the problems, they may still see positive aspects in their relationship if they are still together today.

Therapy will highlight those aspects to overcome the bad ones.

To answer your question about what to expect from marriage counseling, these are the things you are likely to face during the treatment. You may ask yourself what not to say during marriage counseling. The answer is simple. None – honesty is the best policy.

The sooner things are out in the open, the faster things will be resolved. Just follow the marriage counseling tips, and you will be just fine.

Related Reading: 20 Things a Couple Can Do to Strengthen a Marriage

10 things to expect from marriage counseling

Marriage counseling can add fresh new life to a marriage and give it a healthier direction. Here are a few things you can expect from marriage counseling.

1. Conflict resolution

One of the reasons many couples opt for couples therapy is because they need conflict resolution means. Therefore, it is one of the first things on the list of ‘what to expect from marriage counseling.’ 

You can expect to learn conflict resolution techniques and understand more about maintaining peace and harmony in your marriage.

Related Reading: 8 Easy Ways to Resolve Conflict & Improve Marriage Communication

2. Effective communication

What to expect from marriage counseling?

Another important expectation from marriage counseling sessions is to learn effective communication. Just talking is not communicating. When communication in a marriage fails, most things go down. Learning effective communication and comprehension is a vital part of marriage therapy sessions.

3. Learn to react, not respond

Another thing on the list of ‘what to expect from marriage counseling’ is to have from marriage therapy sessions is learning to respond and not react to the situation or words from your spouse.

When we react to actions or words, we do not understand them. However, when we take a moment to step back and understand, we are likely to respond to them better.

4. Learn expression

Many of us, because of the way we have been brought up or because of experiences in the past, struggle with effectively expressing our feelings or needs in a relationship. Marriage therapy is likely to teach you how to express your feelings better.

5. Weigh the costs

What Is Marriage counseling like?

One thing that marriage counseling can be is expensive.

Another expectation that should be clear when it comes to marriage counseling is that it does cost money. Before you step into it, you should weigh the costs to check if you and your spouse can afford it. Finding alternatives can also be a good option to consider.

6. Paperwork and policies

What to expect at marriage counseling? Paperwork and policies, for one.

Marriage counseling sessions are also based on legalities and paperwork. One of the things you should expect from marriage counseling sessions is understanding the policies and doing the paperwork required.

Understanding client-therapist confidentiality, what the therapy is about, what it offers, and how much it costs are some important things to note.

7. Goals

Another checklist item on the list of ‘what to expect from marriage counseling sessions’ is understanding the goals and revisiting them to check if you are achieving any of them. 

What do you expect from the marriage therapy sessions? 

Answering the question can help you set the right goals and expectations to ensure you are on the right track.

8. Discover triggers

Another item on the marriage counseling expectations list is discovering triggers.

When you and your partner work things out with a therapist, you have to expect that you will discover not just theirs but also your triggers. 

You have to be open to finding out certain uncomfortable things about yourself and your partner in this process and find ways to overcome them.

Related Reading: 6 Ways to Recover from Overreactions to Emotional Triggers

9. Learn how not to blame

Another expectation from marriage therapy is learning not to blame each other for the problems but instead work a way out of them. Therapy can help you become more solution-oriented and focused on your goals.

10. Set boundaries

While this may seem like an unlikely concept in a marriage, boundaries in any relationship are essential and can help maintain harmony. You can expect to learn at marriage counseling sessions how to set effective boundaries and work them into your marriage.

Related Reading: 15 Must-Have Healthy Boundaries In Marriage

How counseling for couples can help maintain a marriage

Marriages are hard work. They are a commitment and a choice you make every day. While there may still be love between the couple, it may not be enough to keep a marriage going and growing. 

Maintaining a marriage is more than love – it requires communication, respect, and many other values to hold together. This is where marriage therapy or marriage counseling comes in. Sometimes, with the help of a professional, maintaining a marriage is easier.

To learn more about this, read this article. 

What are some signs you need couples therapy? Watch this video to know more.

The takeaway

Marriage counseling is an effective way to improve your marriage or work things out if you cannot do it on your own. 

Seeking the help of a professional is a great idea when you want to stay together but cannot find a way to do so peacefully. However, you must also be prepared to go through the process, which can sometimes get uncomfortable and difficult to deal with.