What Is Hypersexuality: Causes, Signs & How to Cope

Hypersexuality is a complex and often misunderstood phenomenon that affects individuals across different walks of life. It is marked by an intense and uncontrollable preoccupation with sexual thoughts, fantasies, and behaviors, which can significantly impact one’s personal and interpersonal life. 

While hypersexuality remains a topic that carries a certain level of stigma, it is essential to approach it with empathy and understanding. 

In this article, we will delve into understanding ‘what is hypersexuality,’ explore its potential causes, examine the signs and symptoms, and offer guidance on how individuals and their loved ones can cope with the challenges it presents. 

By shedding light on this topic, we aim to provide a balanced perspective that fosters awareness and compassion surrounding hypersexuality.

What is hypersexuality?

One of the most common reasons couples drift apart is the lack of interest in sex, so having a fiery desire for it may sound good, right?

Well, not really. As they say, too much of a good thing can also be destructive.

So, what is the hypersexuality definition?

The term hypersexuality is the extreme urge or craving for sexual activities. It’s when a person shows signs of hard-to-control sexual thoughts, behaviors, and fantasies.

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker:

Hypersexuality can negatively impact an individual’s social, work, and personal relationships. However, defining and assessing this condition is a complex issue because sexuality can vary from person to person and differ depending on cultural norms, individual values, and personal preferences.

Other terms for hypersexuality are compulsive sexual behavior, hypersexuality disorder, and even sex addiction.

Hypersexuality is no joke. The effects of this sexual relationship disorder can be severe.

Imagine compulsively seeking or acting on your sexual desires even though there are consequences not just to you but to other people as well.

When a person can no longer control the symptoms, hypersexuality and relationships can affect each other and cause problems in the relationship.

We also need to understand that hypersexuality is not the same as having a high sex drive.

Most of us will encounter a phase in our lives where we feel a surge of sex drive, but that doesn’t mean that we already have hypersexuality.

Hypersexuality and relationship effects are more common than you think. 

In fact, according to a study, roughly about 3 to 6% of our adult population here in the United States alone has shown signs of hypersexuality. 

Experts say that the numbers may be far greater than what is shown in surveys. It’s because most people experiencing the signs of compulsive sexuality in a relationship are too afraid to ask for help. 

Example of hypersexuality

Hypersexuality, also known as compulsive sexual behavior or sex addiction, is characterized by an excessive and uncontrollable preoccupation with sexual thoughts, fantasies, or behaviors. 

So, what is hypersexuality in practice? An example could be engaging in frequent and risky sexual encounters, such as one-night stands or multiple simultaneous relationships, often to the detriment of one’s personal and professional life. 

Individuals with hypersexuality may also spend excessive time watching pornography or engaging in cybersex, leading to disruptions in their daily functioning and relationships. This behavior can be distressing and may require therapeutic intervention for management.

As Psychologist Mert Şeker explains:

Hypersexuality refers to a condition that tends to have intense sexual urges, but the symptoms and effects of this condition may differ from individual to individual. 

Some hypersexual individuals may be prone to excessive porn consumption, while others may limit their interest in such material.

What is the cause of hypersexuality?

Most of us would want to know what causes hypersexuality and how being in a relationship with a sex addict can affect your relationship. 

Here are just some of the potential factors that have been studied linking to what triggers hypersexuality:  

1. Substance abuse/medication

People who are taking certain medications can cause side effects leading to hypersexuality. Some people who are under substance abuse have also been diagnosed with hypersexuality.

Psychologist Mert Şeker shares his thoughts:

The sexual power of people with substance addiction is limited and unhealthy. This situation experienced by individuals with substance addiction may lower their self-esteem and trigger hypersexuality.

2. Mental health conditions

People who have certain mental health conditions can also cause hypersexual behaviors. People suffering from bipolar disorder and hypersexuality happen when they are in their manic state.  

3. Trauma or abuse

Some studies suggest a connection between sexual trauma and hypersexuality. People who have had mental, physical, and sexual abuse are at a higher risk of showing signs of hypersexuality symptoms. 

4. Chemical imbalance in the brain

People who have a chemical imbalance in their brains can cause them to show hypersexual traits or a lack of interest in any form of sexual pleasure. For example, some studies have shown that an imbalance with dopamine can trigger hypersexuality. 

5. Hormonal imbalances

Hormonal changes or imbalances, such as those seen in conditions like hyperthyroidism or certain medications, can affect sexual desire and behavior, potentially leading to hypersexuality.

It’s important to note that hypersexuality is a complex issue, and individual experiences and causes may vary. Treatment typically involves therapy, support groups, and sometimes medication to address underlying factors and manage the behavior.

9 signs of sex addiction and hypersexuality

Hypersexuality and relationship effects are unavoidable. Some people discover their hypersexuality in marriage, and others even before that.

Have you felt that something is wrong with your sexual urges?

Knowing the signs of hypersexuality disorder can help you understand this condition better. Here are some of the signs of a person who has hypersexuality disorder.

1. Uncontrollable sexual thoughts

Even though you’re trying to be busy, your mind is still filled with sexual thoughts.

At first, they may seem pretty naughty and fun, but when the time comes that your hypersexuality and relationship meet, then you will realize how negatively it can affect your life.

Uncontrollable thoughts about sex can disrupt not just your personal life but also your work.

2. Excessive masturbation

Masturbating is normal for healthy people. In fact, masturbation can offer many benefits, but hypersexuality causes a person to do it excessively. It’s one of the early signs of being hypersexual.

People who suffer from hypersexual disorder may masturbate multiple times a day. It’s often accompanied by watching pornography or even engaging in phone or chat sex with their partner or just anyone willing to do it.

Psychologist Mert Şeker further extends this:

Hypersexuality is generally characterized by excessive sexual thoughts, intense sexual desires, and frequent and excessive sexual activities. If an individual’s masturbation habits negatively impact or exceed normal daily activities and relationships, this may indicate symptoms of hypersexuality.

3. Obsession about a sexual fantasy

Bipolar hypersexuality in marriage can take a toll when a person suffering from this condition becomes obsessed with someone they can’t have.

This is another sign of hypersexuality disorder that is very dangerous. When someone develops a sexual obsession with someone they can’t have, they develop risky and inappropriate acts just to have sex with this person.

The obsession can lead to extreme flirting, stalking, and constant advances.

Not everyone who is suffering from hypersexuality will experience this, but if they do, it’s still not a valid excuse to act dangerously.

4. The focus is on sex and how to get it

When your sexual thoughts start to rule over your mind and interfere with your life, then you might already be hypersexual.

People who have hypersexual disorder cannot help but fantasize about sex and everything about it – all the time.

It starts to consume their time until they can no longer work or give time to more important things.

They also begin to distance themselves from their friends, spouse, and even their own kids.

Soon, they will succumb to a fantasy world that revolves around sex.

5. Financial issues 

How do you know if you’re hypersexual? The expenses of going on dates just to have sex, buying porn, sex toys, and paying for hotels can accumulate, leading to financial debt.

6. Always craving for sex

Having hypersexuality and relationships will always get mixed up.

A person with this disorder will always attempt to engage in physical contact to the point where they would disrespect their spouse.

It’s not every day that we’re in the mood to have sex, right?

Aside from this, if you have kids and work, they would also be compromised, not to mention your partner’s respect for you.

7. Susceptible to substance abuse  

People engaging in reckless one-night stands and extramarital affairs are more likely to belong to the wrong crowd. They can start getting addicted to alcohol and drugs as these substances heighten the senses, making sex better for some. 

8. Compulsive sexual behavior

Hypersexuality often involves compulsive behaviors, such as frequent and risky sexual encounters or engaging in sexual activities without consideration for consequences. Individuals may find it difficult to control their impulses and engage in sexual behaviors even when it’s unsafe or inappropriate.

9. Facing charges

If a person with hypersexuality disorder gets out of hand and develops substance abuse. This can lead to dangerous acts, such as harassment and other offenses stemming from sex and substance addiction.

These are just some of the most common consequences when a person suffers from hypersexuality.  

Most of the time, people who are aware of the condition or the signs are too afraid to seek help. They are scared of being ridiculed and being an outcast in society. 

Psychologist Mert Şeker highlights:

Accusations against people with hypersexuality can often occur in a context where people have difficulty understanding and tolerating their sexual behavior.

However, accusations against these individuals may often be based on a lack of knowledge, prejudice, or social norms. It is important to approach people with hypersexuality with empathy and support.

In summary, hypersexuality can manifest in various ways. Recognizing these signs is essential for seeking help and support to manage hypersexuality disorder and its impact on one’s life and relationships.

How can hypersexuality affect relationships?

Hypersexuality and your relationship with your partner or spouse will always be connected.  

Sadly, people who have hypersexuality will or may hurt their partners and family. Despite their efforts to manage or control this desire, it continues to control their lives to the point where they start to see the effects that it causes. 

Some of these consequences are: 

1. Feeling of guilt  

After engaging in another extramarital affair or a one-night stand, the person who has hypersexuality may start feeling guilty. However, the urge to commit sexual acts is stronger. This creates a cycle of guilt and urge.  

Many people suffering from this condition may have already tried to control their urges but have failed multiple times. The feeling of guilt and frustration builds over time. 

2. Emotional distance

Hypersexuality often leads to emotional distance within a relationship as the hypersexual person’s focus on sexual thoughts and activities can overshadow emotional intimacy. 

For instance, a partner constantly seeking sexual encounters or engaging in pornography may spend less time connecting emotionally with their significant other. This emotional neglect can result in feelings of abandonment and frustration for the partner, causing a rift in the relationship as emotional needs remain unmet.

3. Frequent extramarital affairs

One of the most common hypersexuality and relationship effects is having extramarital affairs.

People dealing with hypersexuality after marriage can engage in extramarital affairs, not just with one person, but with as many as they can.

They will also take whatever chance they have to try out one-night stands.

Even if they are already destroying their marriage, family, and even themselves, their addiction to sex controls them.

4. Neglect of responsibilities

Hypersexuality in relationships can lead to a neglect of important responsibilities such as work, parenting, and household duties. Individuals with this disorder may prioritize their sexual pursuits over their obligations, which can result in detrimental consequences for their personal and professional lives.

5. Losing your job

A person experiencing hypersexuality may end up losing their job.

Even at work, they can’t control their desire for lust, and often, their concentration only centers on watching pornography.

Skipping deadlines, losing projects, and being unproductive will end their career. Not to mention if this person has shown sexual advances to their co-workers.

Psychologist Mert Şeker notes that:

Intense sexual thoughts and desires can lead to distraction at work, difficulty focusing, violations of work ethics, and other work-related problems. Additionally, this condition can affect a person’s overall quality of life, causing difficulties in social and professional relationships.

Seeking professional help to cope with hypersexuality can help an individual overcome these challenges and find a more sustainable balance in work life.

6. Contracting STDs

Because of frequent one-night stands and extramarital affairs, a person with hypersexuality has a greater chance of contracting HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases.

This also means passing the STD to your spouse. It’s one of the saddest hypersexuality and relationship consequences that one has to face.

7. Mental health issues

A person with hypersexuality may also develop mental health conditions such as anxiety, distress, depression, and even suicide. 

These people know that there’s something wrong, yet most of their efforts fail, which can lead to frustration and the conditions mentioned above.

8. Withdrawal symptoms

Like with many addictions, individuals with hypersexuality may experience withdrawal symptoms when they try to reduce their sexual activity. These symptoms can include irritability, restlessness, and a strong urge to engage in sexual behavior, making it challenging to break the cycle of hypersexuality.

9. Isolation

Hypersexuality can lead to social isolation as individuals become consumed by their sexual urges, distancing themselves from friends and family. 

For instance, a hypersexual person might decline invitations to social gatherings or family events to prioritize their sexual activities. This withdrawal can strain relationships, causing partners and loved ones to feel abandoned, further exacerbating the emotional toll of hypersexuality on both the individual and their social circle.

Is hypersexuality treatable?

The answer is yes. 

If you want to know how to stop being hypersexual, then the first step to changing your life is by accepting that you have this condition. 

Hypersexuality can be treated by professionals through one or a combination of these treatments. 

1. Psychotherapy

People suffering from hypersexuality disorder are given the tools to manage their condition. The therapy will involve dealing with intrusive sexual thoughts and learning to control them.

Treatment may include CBT or Cognitive behavioral therapy, Acceptance and commitment therapy, and even psychotherapy. 

2. Self-help techniques 

A person suffering from hypersexuality needs to understand its causes and triggers. This way, the person would know how to deal with or cope whenever intrusive sexual thoughts start. 

Some may discover that they have been using sex to deal with stress and other emotions, which can be altered with the help of a professional. This is where stress management and relaxation techniques are utilized as a hypersexuality treatment. 

3. Medications 

Certain approved medications can help the person with their sexual thoughts. Of course, you can only opt for this if your healthcare prescribes them. 

Medications may include: 

• Mood stabilizers are also used for bipolar disorders, but they can also help control the urges of hypersexuality.
• Anti-androgens are used to control or reduce the effects of the body’s sex hormones or what we know as androgens in men. This is often prescribed for men who have trouble controlling their sexual advances.
• Antidepressants will cater to treating depression, anxiety, and even OCD. This can help if a person who has hypersexuality also shows signs of depression.

How can you cope with hypersexuality? 5 ways

Most people feel ashamed that they are dealing with the signs of hypersexuality. Most people don’t want to be called sex addicts, and they worry about what the people around them would think.

Don’t let fear control you. Once you understand ‘what is hypersexuality,’ you can use the following ways to cope with hypersexuality:

1. Don’t give up easily

This means that you have to stick to your treatment plan and be patient. It will take time. So, be patient and trust the process.

2. Don’t be ashamed

If you are wondering how to deal with hypersexuality, please remember that you are doing it for your well-being. Even if you hear comments, don’t quit. Do it for yourself and for your loved ones without letting shame stop you from moving in a healthier direction

3. Talk to someone

Don’t be hard on yourself, and try to do it all alone. May it be your counselor or someone you trust, talk to someone. You need all the support that you can get. 

4. Join support groups

You’re not the only one who’s suffering from hypersexuality, and you don’t have to suffer alone. Join groups that aim to support each other until you get better. 

5. Focus on your treatment

There could be several positive and negative thoughts in your head. Don’t let distractions get to you. You have one goal and focus on getting better. 

FAQs

Hypersexuality, characterized by an intense preoccupation with sexual thoughts and behaviors, shares similarities with addiction in its compulsive nature and negative consequences. While not classified as an addiction in the traditional sense, it exhibits addictive traits, such as loss of control and negative impacts on daily life.

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can give you more clarity on this subject:

• Is hypersexuality a form of addiction?

Hypersexuality resembles addiction due to its compulsive behavior and interference with daily life. However, it’s not officially classified as an addiction but rather a behavioral disorder. Both conditions involve seeking pleasure or relief through repetitive actions but may require different treatment approaches.

Watch this video to learn more about the cycle of addiction:

• Is it possible to have a healthy relationship if one partner struggles with hypersexuality?

Yes, it’s possible to have a healthy relationship when one partner faces hypersexuality. Open communication, understanding, and seeking professional help are crucial. Couples therapy can address the challenges, and the hypersexual partner can learn strategies to manage their behavior, fostering a healthier, more balanced relationship.

• How does hypersexuality affect intimacy in a relationship?

Hypersexuality can hinder emotional intimacy by diverting focus to physical aspects. The hypersexual partner may neglect emotional needs, causing their partner to feel unfulfilled. Yet, with therapy, individuals can address these issues, and intimacy can improve as emotional connections are rebuilt alongside physical ones.

• What can I do if my partner has hypersexuality?

Support and open communication are key. Encourage seeking professional help and be patient as treatment progresses. Educate yourself about hypersexuality to better understand your partner’s experiences and challenges. Setting boundaries together can also help create a more balanced and manageable dynamic within the relationship.

Conclusion

Dealing with hypersexuality and relationships is not easy, but if you have the will to change your life, then you can.

If you want to learn how to cope with hypersexuality, you first need acceptance. Then, you can seek the help of professionals.

You’ll be given ways that will be comfortable for you, and you can use them to cope and manage your symptoms.

Like any other mental condition, it will be challenging at first, but with the help of professionals, your will, and the love and support of your family, you can do it.

Soon, you’ll be able to live a peaceful life with your loved ones.

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Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less

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