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    Funny Wedding Messages for the Happy Couple

    A happily married couple will look through their wedding cards and guestbook entries for the rest of their live

    A happily married couple will look through their wedding cards and guestbook entries for the rest of their lives. They’ll look back on their friend’s well–wishes and sage advice with fondness, but why not make them look back on yours with laughter?

    Make your wedding card or guestbook entry stand out from the crowd by using some of these funny wedding messages as a guideline. Here are 36 hilarious quotes, jokes, and pieces of advice you can pass on to the newlyweds–to–be!

    Funny wedding messages about marriage

    Funny wedding messages about marriage

    1. “I knew you two were madly in love with each other but didn’t think that you’ll be mad enough to marry. Have a great life ahead.”
    2. “To the man who couldn’t spring for drinks when he was out with the guys but is now blowing up his money on his huge wedding, you have left no doubt that you love this girl/guy! Congratulations.”
    3. “You’ve finally found someone who understands your weird jokes. Hold onto them forever!”
    4. “There is nothing worse than a friend getting married. Now my parents have one more reason to coax me into getting married. Congratulations.”
    5. “Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”
    6. “May you live each day like your last, and live each night like your first.”
    7. “Love seems the swiftest but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.” – Mark Twain
    8. “As Bill and Ted said, ‘Be excellent to each other.’“
    9. “Why are wives more dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either your money or life… Wives want both!”
    10. “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, and always with the same person.”
    11. “A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
    12. “Marriage is like a game of chess. Except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” – Jerry Seinfeld
    13. “In the words of Mindy Kaling: I don’t want to hear about the endless struggles to keep sex exciting, or the work it takes to plan a date night. I want to hear that you guys watch every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they’re dead meat. I want to see you guys high–five each other like teammates on a recreational softball team you both do for fun.”
    14. “Getting married is like going to drama school. May there be more comedy than melodrama.”
    15. “Being married is like any other job; it helps if you like your boss!”
    16. “And now you two have officially become one: one bed, one remote, one bathroom! Congratulations on your union as life partners!”
    17. “Why marry when jumping in front of a train is easier and faster?! Just kidding! Hope your wedding finds you smiling!”
    18. “Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you.” —Megan Mullally
    19. “May your day be extra special and fun – because tomorrow the hard work begins!”
    20. “Getting married is like being in drama school. You get to practice everything from comedy to melodrama to tragedy. Congratulations on your journey to the theatre!”
    21. “Today I have realized that life is not fair for single people like me. Until now I had to buy you a gift only once a year on your birthday. Now I have two birthdays plus a wedding anniversary to buy gifts for. You guys are getting expensive – but so worth it! Congratulations.”
    22. “Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity. You guys must be truly insane or MADLY in love.”
    23. “What’s the best way to have your husband remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday”
    24. “They say that marriage is a great institution. And much like many types of institutions, you need to be crazy to get into it – Congratulations you kooks!”
    25. “I hope you get so many wedding gifts that you don’t realize none are from me.”
    26. “Some people marry for love. Some people marry for money. Some people just like getting gravy boats and other useless pieces of china.”
    27. “In life, we should always keep our eyes wide open. However, after marriage, it‘s better to close them!”
    28. “Saying I do while getting married is like blindly clicking on the I Accept checkbox while installing new software on your computer. You do it despite having no clue of what will come next. Congratulations on getting married.”
    29. “A man who correctly guesses a woman’s age may be smart, but he’s not very bright”
    30. “Why buy the cow? Maybe because every day the cow asks you when you’re going to buy it. And you live in a really small apartment with the cow and you can’t avoid that question at all. Also, the cow is way better at arguing than you are … But for real, why buy the cow? Let’s be real. Why buy the cow? Because you love her. You really do.” –John Mullaney
    31. “Thanks for the free booze. Best wishes for a long, happy marriage!”
    32. “Some future advice for the Groom: the most effective way to remember your wedding anniversary is to forget it… once!”
    33. “Congratulations on signing your life away!”
    34. “Marriage is as easy as a walk in the park… Jurassic Park!”
    35. “You haven’t just tied the knot with your wife today, you have tied ropes on your legs too. Congratulations on your wedding.”
    36. Bride: “I do!”

    Groom: “I do what she says…”

    Final thoughts

    Leaving humorous messages on your wedding card or guest book with personal anecdotes about the happy couple, thoughts on children, married life, and sex are all fair game when you’re addressing the newlyweds. These funny wedding messages will add an air of humor and truth to your guestbook entry that will make your bride and groom laugh.

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