Going through hard times of separation from your loved one can sometimes prove to be very depressing.
Separation brings along feelings of fear, uncertainty, and loneliness.
It usually leaves you and your spouse hanging in between marriage and divorce. There might be various issues that led you both on the track of separation. It is certain that separation brings stress, but on the other hand, it may also give you some valuable time to think about the entire matter and identify the root issues.
There are different steps that would be very helpful in building trust in the separation and help bridge the gap between you and your spouse.
1. Stop being angry and blaming each other
This step is of utmost importance. Anger, if not controlled, can initiate and give rise to countless problems. If you want to reunite with your spouse, you need to put aside your anger. Don’t forget, your anger could be one of the root reasons for the separation.
You need to reach a point where you can share your insecurities with your spouse and deal with them smartly. Take the responsibility of your own actions rather than throwing everything at your spouse.
Blaming each would lead to nowhere but divorce.
2. Listen to each other
It is extremely important that you listen to your partner. Listen to what your partner has to say about the entire matter.
This might completely reverse the situation as you’d get to know what your partner dislikes about you and what led to the separation.
3. Swap the perspectives
Each individual has his/her own perception of everything. Just because you like something, it doesn’t mean that your partner has to like that too. He/she would have their own perceptions and respecting views of your partner would also act as a buffer.
You must share your views about the matter and listen to your partner’s views and respect them for sure.
4. Express yourself
Think of freedom of expression for a bit. You need to use this term effectively yet smartly to express your opinions and thoughts about your separation. Don’t hide anything from your partner. Let all your emotions out and try to give signals to your partner of liking or disliking anything.
It means no matter what, you need to be expressive, even if you are having a discussion about trivial matters like the weather.
5. Be kind to your spouse
This shouldn’t be forgotten that you underwent many problems due to separation and now that you want to break the ice, you should be kind to your spouse.
You need to realize that your partner had to somehow suffer because of you and now is the time when you are in need of and should give space to him/her.
Sometimes it’s better to choose kindness over winning a controversy.
6. Try to remember the good things
Instead of crying and sticking to the past, you need to look forward.
Try to remember the good things about your partner that you loved. It’s possible that your partner has changed because of being stressed after separation. In this case, try to look for some new attributes. In this way, the memory of the harsh times you had with your spouse would fade away. And will further help in building trust in the separation.
7. Have fun
Try to engage with your spouse through a fun activity. It might be anything, for instance, hiking, fishing, camping, etc. This would help in fixing the broken part of your relationship.
According to research done by Bentley College in Massachusetts, endorphins secreted during this would bring positive psychological effects.
8. Discuss the expectations
Now that you’ve come to a place where you can tie the knot again with your partner, it is better to discuss what you expect from him/her. For instance, if any sort of addiction made you both end up on different poles, explicitly state that you expect your partner to go through proper treatment of that addiction.
Since you’re having a new beginning, it’s good to share what you hated about your spouse so that he/she makes effective attempts to avoid those in the future.
Marriage is a mutual understanding of both partners.
So, you need to understand and help your spouse meet those requirements.
Building trust in the separation is not as difficult as you think
Rebuilding trust between estranged partners can be a step closer to re-starting the relationship from the point where you both parted ways. And the task is definitely not a humongous one if you put your heart and soul into building trust in the separation.
All you need to do is do away with those habits, behaviors, and attitudes which were responsible for creating a rift between the two of you. This applies to you and your partner alike, considering the fact that both of you are willing to give your relationship a second chance.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.