Being in the Honeymoon stage of a relationship doesn’t last forever, which is why unresolved sex problems in marriage need to be resolved as soon as possible.
Sex issues in marriage such as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and being unable to achieve orgasm generally don’t go away by themselves.
Unresolved sex problems in a relationship can be a source of ongoing anxiety and stress and may result in ruining your marriage.
The third British national survey of sexual attitudes and lifestyles found that, overall, 15.0% (13.9–16.2) of men and 34.2% (32.8–35.5) of women reported lacking interest in sex.
This was associated with age and physical and mental health for both men and women, including self-reported general health and current depression.
While most experts will tell you that medical issue causes these common sex problems most of the time, it is simply a misdirection of one’s attention.
This causes the person’s brain to become confused as to what they want. While it appears to most people that sex “just happens,” the reality is that the brain requires a sequential combination of “messages,” which then triggers hormonal responses and the relevant muscle programs.
When the wrong messages are given to the brain due to mental, emotional, or physical distractions or mental contamination, then the brain cannot respond with the wanted program, and the resulting chaos ensues.
This causes further anxiety, disappointment, and mental duress to all concerned!
Imagining the worst scenarios
Because we’re not taught a complete start to end procedure for sex (for either gender), and therefore we don’t understand the order in which the sexual programs must work, we often conclude that these sexual problems in marriage are happening for an entirely different reason.
We might imagine that we are in some way deficient as human beings and, therefore, incapable of being able to enjoy normal sex.
For others, it’s a torturous cauldron of imagined realities as they try to figure out the reason behind their partner’s sexual issue.
For example, it’s common for a man to lose his erection hardness during foreplay. This usually happens when he is putting too much of his attention on his partner’s satisfaction.
From her perspective, however, due to a lack of real sex education knowledge, she imagines he is no longer attracted to her, doesn’t love her – or worse, and is having an affair!
Many relationships fail due to these problems because of the imagined scenarios and emotional resistance, which then builds in opposition to those unwanted thoughts.
Reasons for lack of sex and intimacy
Here are some of the unresolved sex problems that your marriage might be facing along with advice on how to deal with them:
Mismatched libido: This is the point at which one of the partners has a higher sex drive than the other. An ideal approach to deal with this is to open up to your partner and inform them regarding how you feel, without accusing anybody. On the off chance that you need specialist help, you can generally find an expert who might have the option to manage you in an ideal manner.
Stress: On the off chance that you are searching for an approach to fix the unresolved sex problems in your marriage, you need to manage the guilty party – stress. We’ve spent our lives being informed that men are consistently seeking sex, and this is just false. Worry at work or home can leave people feeling depleted, making rest more appealing and engaging than sex. Studies have discovered a connection between stress and diminished sex drive. Talk to your spouse about what’s causing the stress and do what you can to help take the weights off their shoulders.
Communication issues: Sex is a significant part of a relationship, yet it is the least discussed. Discussing it not simply forces you to find out about the sentiments of your spouse and their unresolved sex problems. The key here is to pick a time and place where both of you can be separated from everyone else and simply talk things over. Make sure to stay away from blame and pointing fingers and make it more about the issue.
Low self-esteem: Self-esteem issues don’t just influence ladies; nobody is absolved from feeling down about themselves. Low self-esteem can negatively affect your marriage and relationship, especially concerning physical closeness. If self-esteem is the cause of your unresolved sex problems, develop the habit of commending, and appreciating your partner. Praise your spouse and let them realize that you find them appealing.
Also watch TEDx talks by Mary Caire, MD, a practicing functional medicine physician, exploring the connection between libido, hormones, and health:
Withdrawing sexually and emotionally
A man who has trouble with sex or difficulty having sex may withdraw emotionally as he tries to figure out what he’s doing wrong. He may watch porn instead of having sex with his partner just so he doesn’t fail.
A woman who is constantly unable to achieve orgasm can become apathetic toward sex as she can never achieve her ideal result.
All of these marriage intimacy problems frequently result in a lack of libido as sex just becomes too difficult and emotionally taxing for both partners.
Sometimes a woman will refrain from unfulfilling sex so she doesn’t hurt her partner’s feelings, whereas her lack of interest will increase his burden (because most men need sex like fish need water!)
Whether they occur intermittently or are an ongoing source of concern, if you and your spouse are suffering from intimacy issues in marriage, it’s better to take action sooner rather than later so it doesn’t ruin your marriage.
Know that the real deficiency is a lack of relevant knowledge for correct sexual techniques, which can be easily learned.
With these answers, you will be able to restore an ailing sex life into an amazing sex life where both partners feel relaxed, happy, confident, and connected.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.