Being in the Honeymoon stage of a relationship doesn’t last forever, which is why underlying sex problems need to be resolved as soon as possible. Issues such as premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, and being unable to achieve orgasm generally don’t go away by themselves. Unresolved, they can be a source of ongoing anxiety and stress and may result in ruining your marriage.
While most experts will tell you that medical issue causes these sexual “malfunctions” most of the time it is simply a misdirection of one’s attention. This causes the person’s brain to become confused as to what they want. While it appears to most people that sex “just happens” , the reality is that the brain requires a sequential combination of “messages” which then triggers hormonal responses and the relevant muscle programs.
When the wrong messages are given to the brain due to mental, emotional or physical distractions or mental contamination then the brain cannot respond with the wanted program and the resulting chaos ensues. This causes further anxiety, disappointment and mental duress to all concerned!
Imagining the Worst Scenarios
Because of the fact that we’re not taught a complete start to end procedure for sex (for either gender) and therefore we don’t understand the order in which the sexual programs must work, we often come to the conclusion that these sex problems are happening for an entirely different reason. We might imagine that we are in some way deficient as human beings and therefore incapable of being able to enjoy normal sex. For others, it’s a torturous cauldron of imagined realities as they try to figure out the reason behind their partner’s sexual issue.
For example, it’s common for a man to lose his erection hardness during foreplay. This usually happens when he is putting too much of his attention on his partner’s satisfaction. From her perspective, however, due to a lack of real sex education knowledge, she imagines he is no longer attracted to her, doesn’t love her – or worse, and is having an affair!
Many relationships fail due to these problems because of the imagined scenarios and emotional resistance which then builds in opposition to those unwanted thoughts.
Withdrawing Sexually and Emotionally
A man who has a sexual dysfunction may withdraw emotionally as he tries to figure out what he’s doing wrong. He may watch porn instead of having sex with his partner just so he doesn’t fail. A woman who is constantly unable to achieve orgasm can become apathetic toward sex as she can never achieve her ideal result. All of these problems frequently result in a lack of libido as sex just becomes too difficult and emotionally taxing for both partners. Sometimes a woman will refrain from unfulfilling sex so she doesn’t hurt her partner’s feelings, whereas her lack of interest will increase his burden (because most men need sex like fish need water!)
Whether they occur intermittently or are an ongoing source of concern, if you and your spouse are suffering from sex problems it’s better to take action sooner rather than later so it doesn’t ruin your marriage. Know that the real deficiency is a lack of relevant knowledge for correct sexual technique which can be easily learned. With these answers you will be able to restore an ailing sex life into an amazing sex life where both partners feel relaxed, happy, confident and connected.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.