Why Do Guys Stop Putting in Effort: 30 Reasons

He has proved to be the perfect prince charming you’ve ever seen. He is romantic and treats you right all the time. Suddenly, he started misbehaving, making you wonder if he ever loved you. Why do guys stop putting effort into their relationships? 

When a guy doesn’t make an effort, who is at fault? The truth is, it might not be something you did or did not do. Dating a guy who makes no effort can be daunting, but racking your brain for answers might be exhausting. Thankfully, this article shows you why a man might stop putting effort into your relationship.

What does no effort look like in a relationship?

To understand what it feels like when dating a guy who makes no effort, you must understand what effort means in a typical relationship. 

Effort into a relationship means commitment. When you put effort into a relationship, you are ready to become committed, selfless, expressive, caring, and understanding. You must be trustworthy and trust your partner in return. 

Putting effort into a relationship means paying attention and listening to your partner, sending romantic love messages, helping your partner, problem-solving together, going on random dates, and planning vacations together. All these gestures are to reassure the love you and your spouse have for each other. It doesn’t mean breaking the bank but being committed every day.

Effort in courtship is about making intentional decisions to love your partner and show them through your actions and words. The small things do matter when you make an effort in your relationship. It’s these actions and words that make up a healthy relationship in the long haul.

When a guy doesn’t make an effort, he does quite the opposite of everything mentioned in the above paragraphs. He might tell you he loves you, but you will find it hard to understand his “love” for you. As such, some women say, “he says he loves me but makes no effort.”

Dating a guy who makes no effort is frustrating. You can’t tell their plan for you or the relationship. It’s heartbreaking when you are already in love. Some women are lucky to receive good gestures and the best care from their partners. 

When your boyfriend stops making an effort, it indicates something is wrong. So, it’s normal to ask, “Why do guys stop putting effort?” or “Why do guys stop trying?” Therefore, it’s your job to figure it out as soon as possible before jumping to conclusions.

Why do guys stop putting effort into their relationship?

When a guy doesn’t make an effort, there is a reason behind it. You can confront him about the situation, stay silent, or watch things unfold. Either way, it’s imperative to know why. The following might help you pin down the reasons for someone’s lack of effort in a relationship.

1. He’s busy lately

It’s easy to assume the worst when your boyfriend stops making an effort. After all, this is someone who calls you frequently, brings you food, and asks about you daily. If you notice a sudden change, you might as well check his schedule. 

Could he be busy with work or family issues? Has he been preoccupied with many tasks lately? These are vital questions you must ask to know why a man might stop putting effort into your relationship.

Related Reading: 20 Effective Ways to Put Effort in a Relationship

2. You pissed him off

Why do guys stop putting in the effort? You should check yourself when a guy has been acting right all along and suddenly changes. It’s possible that something you did or did not turn him off.

Knowing exactly which of your actions turned him off might be difficult. But you can start from when he started changing. Did he change after you returned from a date or an argument? Could it be something you said or did? Whatever the case, if he finds it offensive, he will stop putting in an effort.

3. He met another person

When your boyfriend stops making an effort, another person might be in the picture. Whether it’s his ex or someone new, you will see a change in your boyfriend’s energy towards the relationship. 

He will no longer see the need to call you during the day or send those random romantic texts. All his attention will be on this newly-found love and attraction.

4. He got nervous

A lack of effort in a relationship can happen when someone gets too nervous. Things might be going faster than they imagine in the relationship. He wooed you a few months ago. You have gone on multiple dates, had lengthy conversations, and are already discussing the future. 

With such developments, some people might feel trapped and realize their life is about to change overnight. Nobody likes to feel that way. Therefore, the best response is to take some steps back and reduce their effort in the relationship.

Related Reading: 20 Ways to Tell if a Men Is Confused About His Feelings for You

5. He’s yet to make up his mind

When a guy doesn’t make an effort, he may have his eyes elsewhere. This sometimes happens in a new relationship when a guy has other girls but decides to settle with one reluctantly. In that case, he won’t put energy into making the relationship work because he’s distracted.

6. You are too dependent on him 

A guy might stop putting effort into your relationship because you rely too much on him. Even though he takes care of you and attends to all of your needs, appearing too dependent might overwhelm him and turn him off. 

7. He’s losing interest

One might wonder why anyone will suddenly lose interest after being in a relationship. He is putting less effort into the relationship because he’s losing interest. It has nothing to do with you. Everyone has a mind of their own, and once your man’s heart is turned off, there is little you can do.

8. He is emotionally insecure

A romantic relationship is meant to make us safe and secure with one another. It also guarantees emotional fulfillment that you will otherwise not get within yourself. Unfortunately, some individuals battle with their emotions. 

Expressing your deepest fears, letting someone into your life, and giving love are huge baggage for some people. These people fear vulnerability and feel inadequate to love or be loved. If your partner feels this way, he won’t put effort into the relationship.

9. He doesn’t want commitment

Often, a person enjoys all the benefits of a relationship but doesn’t want to go beyond that level. They appreciate the dates, outings, vacations, and romance. If he is putting less effort into the relationship, he may not want commitment. 

They don’t want to settle down or like anything that will tie them down to one person. That’s why it’s vital to have conversations at the beginning of the relationship. That way, you can tell if your potential partner’s values align with yours.

10. He’s lazy

Why do guys stop putting in the effort? He might stop because he’s lazy. This might sound strange, especially if he has put considerable effort into the relationship in the past. 

One reason is that he is naturally not someone to put in the right energy to make a relationship work. Luckily, he has friends who advised him otherwise to impress you. Now that you are dating, he sees no reason to continue putting on the charade.

11. You take advantage of him

If he’s putting less effort into the relationship, you are probably not returning with the same energy. Many guys don’t want you to go to hell and back to make them happy. They only want someone who shows commitment as much as themselves. 

Cooking for him during one of your visits won’t be a bad idea if he sends you flowers. Also, supporting him in his affairs can boost his energy to do more for you. However, he won’t find the relationship worthy if you act otherwise.

Related Reading: 20 Steps to Becoming a Supportive Partner

12. He is unhappy

Happy people make a happy and healthy relationship. If your partner isn’t pleased, making the relationship work will be the least of his problems. All he wants at that moment is to give up on the relationship and focus on the issue costing him his happiness.

There are many reasons why your partner might be unhappy. For instance, he might be dealing with a career-related, family, or personal problem. He might also feel you guys aren’t compatible. Whatever the reason is, dating an unhappy guy is frustrating.

13. He notices you are different people

Why do guys stop trying in a relationship? He is putting less effort into the relationship because he realizes you aren’t compatible. Maybe he realizes you have different values on specific issues, such as religion, marriage, children, traditions, and cultures. You can go on multiple dates yet miss these things.

For example, if your partner wants children, but you don’t, it’s enough reason to stop putting effort into the relationship. He sees no future in the relationship, so why waste his energy?

Learn about the signs of an incompatible relationship in this video:

14. He doesn’t see the future with you

Many things might have gone wrong for a guy to reach this level. Even if he has promised you marriage, he may not see the future with you anymore. Guys put less effort into a relationship when they feel differently about you. 

He may still like you as a person, but when it comes to the long term, you don’t just fit into it. It could be a commitment issue or because there is someone new. Whatever the case may be, he might stop working on the relationship.

15. The chase thrills him

He says he loves me but makes no effort. You must have seen situations where guys ask women out to prove their manliness to their friends. If someone professes their love to you but shows no action, the chase might be more important than dating you. 

In this situation, the chase of asking you out and taking you on dates excites them more than the actual date. Weird right? Yes! But some men will put so much effort into getting a ‘yes’ than being in a relationship.

16. The spark is dying

Regardless of what the media tells us about relationships and marriages, it’s not always a bed of roses. Of course, the beginning is full of excitement and happiness. You have finally found your better half, which makes you happy. 

Unfortunately, it won’t go on like that. You will offend and hurt each other. This “low energy” will make your partner put less effort into the relationship. The excitement will disappear, and that’s when you see the relationship as work. It’s important to keep the spark alive in a relationship.

17. You fight a lot

A constant argument is another common reason for the lack of effort in a relationship. Arguments are parts of a healthy relationship as it involves two individuals from different backgrounds. But there is a limit to everything. Finding common ground will help you understand each other better. 

If you guys have more than three arguments in a week, it’s enough to turn a guy off. Remember, most guys aren’t as expressive as women. Many arguments might be overwhelming for them to handle. 

Related Reading: 10 Reasons Why Fighting Is Good in a Relationship

18. You are above his league

We have all admired people – celebrities, business moguls, and entertainers, who seem to be above our level. There is nothing terrible in this. Sometimes a guy can lose interest in you because he feels you are too good for him. This sounds like a case of low self-esteem, but it’s a valid reason. 

For example, independent women might unconsciously give a guy the impression that they don’t need him that much. This makes a guy start questioning his role in the relationship since it’s natural for men to display their hero instinct.

19. He wants to be sure

When your boyfriend stops making an effort, he might want to reassess his needs and expectations in the relationship. So, he feels it’s necessary to slow down and understand what he wants. Often, unpleasant past relationships can trigger this feeling.

20. He needs some space

Every healthy relationship needs space to continue thriving. You have been seeing each other often, going on regular dates, and doing things together. Giving each other space helps you retain your individuality. 

Also, it allows you to return to your emotions and appreciate the things that are personal to you. Perhaps, your guy is putting less effort into the relationship because he realizes the critical role of space in your partnership.

Related Reading:  How Much Space in a Relationship Is Normal?

21. You don’t respect him enough

Have you ever wondered why a man might stop putting effort into your relationship? Sometimes it’s because you don’t respect him. 

Men appreciate women who accept them for their personalities. We all have our flaws, but rubbing it on your man’s face can damage him emotionally. As such, he won’t see the need to make the relationship work anymore.

22. You don’t appreciate him

No two relationships are the same because it involves different people. You should appreciate him often; if your boyfriend tries to satisfy you and make you happy, acknowledge it. Otherwise, he might pull away.

 Related Reading:8 Ways to Show Appreciation to the Love of Your Life

23. He feels misunderstood

Lack of understanding is one of the reasons couples break up. If your man doesn’t feel his authentic self around you, he will pull away from you. This happens when a woman pressures her partner to act a certain way. It might work for a while, but it won’t last.

24. You belittle him

Why do guys stop putting in effort? They stop putting effort because you make them feel inferior.

Men value respect a lot, even if they are not at a certain level in life. Making your boyfriend feel inferior by making senile remarks both publicly and privately will make him lose interest in the relationship. You might also be making him feel this way without realizing it. That’s why communication is at the core of every successful relationship.

25. He’s not getting enough attention

Suppose you are always busy or focused on things aside from the relationship; your boyfriend won’t put much effort into it. It means you don’t value the relationship as much as he does. Therefore, putting in less effort will assure him peace of mind.

26. He is insecure

Insecurity manifests in different forms, including wealth, status, appearance, communication, etc. He probably feels you are more capable in these areas than he is. When a man feels this way, his ego is brutalized. Therefore, the best way for him is to pull away.

Related Reading: 16 Signs of Insecurity in Relationships

27. He is still struggling with past relationships

Past relationship baggage can make someone lose focus. It might be an ugly breakup, or it wasn’t mutual. As long as your boyfriend thinks about his ex or past relationship, it will affect his ability to make his current relationship work.

28. He is taking his time

Another common reason a guy might stop putting effort is he wants to take it slow. He is satisfied with you and your behavior. Considering his past relationships, he doesn’t want to mess this up. This might make you feel, “he says he loves me but makes no effort.”

Related Reading: Negative Experiences of the Past can Affect Your Relationship

29. He doesn’t want to hurt you

When your boyfriend stops making an effort, it certainly hurts. However, it might be a blessing in disguise. He probably reassesses his needs and realizes he is not suitable for you. Putting in less effort is his way out here.

30. He doesn’t know what he wants

The reason why a man might stop putting effort into your relationship is that he is uncertain. This has nothing to do with you and a lot with him. 

He doesn’t know if he wants a serious or casual relationship. He doesn’t have any plan whatsoever. Your beauty may have attracted him, but he has no idea what to do afterward.

What to do when he is not putting in the effort? 

If you believe in the relationship, it’s best to know how to get him to put in more effort. The following tips will help you:

1. Have a conversation with him

How to tell him he is not putting in an effort? Talk to him. Making assumptions can be confusing when your boyfriend stops making an effort. Instead, sit him down and let him know how you feel. Make him feel comfortable enough to tell you the truth about his actions and be open-minded. 

2. Calm down 

You might feel betrayed and flare up if a guy tells you he’s still in love with his ex. However, it’s best to stay calm. 

Get him to talk about the reason for their break up, and you might understand where he’s coming from. Importantly, ask him why he asked you out in the first place. In all of these, ensure you keep your emotions in check.

3. Understand his point of view

From your discussion, you might get to know that it isn’t entirely your man’s fault for pulling away from the relationship. If a man feels insecure because of his actions, understanding him instead of thinking he has low self-esteem might help you find a solution.

4. Take responsibility

If your attitude makes him lose interest in the relationship, don’t make excuses for them. Acknowledge it and apologize genuinely.

5. Give him some space

If you are unsure of your boyfriend’s stance in the relationship, it’s best to give him space. Don’t bombard him with calls or text messages. When a man’s mind is off, there is little you can do to draw him back. This step is crucial if you have tried everything to learn how to get him to put in more effort.

Takeaway

Now that you know why a man might stop putting effort into your relationship and what you can do, it’s time to take some steps. Do you continue with the relationship, hoping he changes or gives up? It totally depends on you and your partner’s willingness. 

Whichever one you choose, understand that you must value yourself. When a man is down in a relationship, there is little or nothing you can do to change him. But you can change yourself.

Moreover,  it’s important to balance finding fulfillment in all themes of life, not just the romantic part. Finally, if all else fails, don’t hesitate to speak to a relationship coach to help you make informed decisions.