It is taken for granted that everyone is natural at forming and maintaining relationships or getting involved in any form of romantic relationships. There are no relationship classes in school, our parents are themselves clueless and the quality of our interactions with others are left to chance.
Nonetheless, we all need to learn to understand each other more and communicate better. This is how we can enjoy sharing our lives with those we care about and understand the true meaning of love in a relationship.
We are products of our upbringing.
Our parental and societal value were engraved in us before we developed a conscious self-awareness and judgment. So, they all went straight in to form the core of our personalities and to determine our choices and behavior.
With awareness, we can make our own decisions.
Therefore, we no longer have to be puppets of our upbringing and we can now develop the power to create our personality, our behavior, our life the way WE choose to.
Mind you, some people don’t ask themselves these questions and so their awareness is limited and they continue to behave out of habits, ending up with the same outcome and being ‘Oh! So surprised’ about it.
Understanding what defines love in a relationship?
We decide to build a relationship with a person because we like them. We like people who are like us. So we get together and progress through the relationship expecting that they will turn out to be just like us in all ways.
Before you know it, the time has passed, attachment has developed, promises have been made and in some cases, other little humans have been born. An occasional disagreement went unnoticed and an argument was forgotten after a moment of intimacy and passion.
The true picture
But, a romantic relationship is not always a bed of roses. Do you understand what does a romantic relationship mean? Relationships have a little bit of both love and hate, agreement and disagreement, passion and resentment blended in a perfect mixture.
If your romantic relationship can survive the trying times, then you both as a couple have clearly unraveled the true meaning of love.
So, long before you realize (or sometimes after long), the intimacy subsides, the fire of romance dims in your once romantic relationship, and all you have left are two people who are now recognizing more and more little differences that are popping up here and there.
Little annoyances turn into grievances and with enough time even the resentment is not far behind. Top it up with expectation from your partner to live up to the promises you both made to each other as well as the pressure of everyday chores just add to the list.
The fault lies in us and not in our romantic relationship.
We have an inherent expectation that our partner’s behavior will remain the same forever.
Remembering the good old days
Just remember, how much extra thought and effort you have put for all the dates in your life, particularly that very first one?
With time, that much of plastering will be coming off as you will slowly return back to your true selves. In the romantic relationship, this period is called falling in love, floating in the clouds, the honeymoon phase, and so on.
Once you have changed back to yourself again, suddenly your partner’s expectations will not meet, arguments ensue, and resentments will take the place of love – Say hello to disappointment!
Honesty is always the best policy
So, remaining yourself in any situation will attract people who will like you for who you are and not for who you are trying to be. Hence, always ‘Welcome Honesty’ in your romantic relationship.
Also, if you are making this extra effort, it indicates that you are not happy with the way you are in your romantic relationship, or might feel ‘we are not enough’ for one another. And, to mask this “deformity”, you will try to put on an act. But, when you are upset, the misunderstandings will arise. Intentionally or not, you will end up deceiving the other person.
So what do you expect out of your romantic relationship with your partner? Obviously, love and harmony forever and ever.
Now you multiply this performance by two and it leaves very little room for surprise that the relationship is not going to work out just as you have planned.
Here we can see how trust and honesty are being compromised before you even meet another person. In the long-term relationship, such behavior manifests as jealousy, cheating, and distrust.
What can a boy or a girl do?
1. Get to know yourself better
If you don’t know who you are, your needs and preferences, how can you properly introduce yourself to another? If you are not having fun with yourself, are you really expecting someone else to enjoy your company?
2. Learn to enjoy your own company
Spend some time alone and explore your goals and desires.
We tend to wait for that someone special to bring the best in us and love us unconditionally, but all it really means is we can’t be bothered (or don’t know how) to iron out our own creases and want somebody else to do it for us.
3. Be honest with yourself
Build the trust with yourself, learn to express it and have a check in place that you and your message are being received by another the way you intend.
With the above, you are opening a channel of communication to your inner-self and your date, your partner, your child, and an occasional passerby.
Making sense of love and romantic relationships
In a more long-term romantic relationship, when the disagreement does take place, this honesty and the ability to express yourself will allow you to quickly identify your view on the situation and understand that of your partner’s.
So, enjoy harmony and feel loved in your romantic relationship.