Dating a divorced man might sound like something no woman would go for if she had a choice. Why?
The first instinct would probably say that the man has already failed in making it to the end of his life with one woman. And this is what every gal dreams about for herself. However, a divorced man does have the potential of being the perfect partner, as excellence lies in the winning combination, rather than one of the partners.
Here’s everything that you should know and consider if you’re thinking about dating a divorced man.
Shades of divorce
Same as no marriage is the same, a divorce isn’t either. That means that there isn’t cookie-cutter advice on dating a divorced man. Instead, before anything else, you should get to know not only your new partner but also his history.
This applies to all new relationships, but especially to that when you’re dating a divorcee.
In short, there’s a huge difference between dating a, let’s say, a man who is divorced because his wife left him for repeated affairs, abuse, or addictions, and a man who got left alone with four kids by his wife for a rodeo clown.
These examples are extremes, but they’re there to get the point across. One is a red flag for a reason, and for the other, you might thank heavens that he was set free for you to find.
Questions to ask
So, the questions to ask regarding first the marriage itself. Apart from the basics, such as for how long they were married and since when – ask more intimate questions.
Was it ever working? What was the nature of their love? Then, you should understand how and when the problems arose. Was it an explosive love that went down in flames, or did it gradually decline into inertia? Did outside factors cause issues between him and his ex? Or was it that their natures were just too different? Did they hit a crisis suddenly and didn’t know how to cope? Or were they heading to a disaster from the get-go? What was the divorce like? What’s the worst thing that had happened during the process? What is his relationship to his ex like now?
Finally, you should also get to understand how objective his accounts of the entire thing are.
Although you will surely be inclined towards taking your new partner’s side (for both your peace of mind and your feelings for him too), this is the time to be smart and patient.
Try and find out as many details about the divorce as possible to get the realistic image of what his role in it was.
The negatives of dating a divorced man
A man who was married might feel ambivalent towards marriage.
He might even be explicitly against it. So, depending on your own wishes and priorities, you might want to have this discussion with your new man as soon as possible.
This will prevent a lot of heartache for both of you.
Another negative aspect of dating a divorced man is a piece of huge emotional baggage that some of them come with. He may be ready to love again.
Ideally, all romantic feelings for his ex disappeared by the time the two of you have met. But, even if this was the case, divorce is always stressful and draining. Especially if there is a lot of resentment and anger still lingering in his heart.
Finally, there are many practical issues that might come in the way of a careless relationship. Whether it is the question of property division and financial separation, or it is the sometimes still unresolved living arrangements, or, often, children and all that comes along with them, you will need to adapt to many aspects of someone else’s life.
You need to be sure you’re ready for it.
The perks of dating a divorced man
Nonetheless, dating a divorced man also has some advantages to dating someone who has never married before.
The most obvious strength of a divorced man is his experience.
He’s been married and understands fully what this means. If he has decided to get serious with someone again, you can rest assured that made that decision entirely informed. Furthermore, your new partner will know exactly what he wants. He will also know what he can and cannot tolerate in a partner.
That means that you won’t be led to believe that you’ve got everything that he needs unless that’s really so. And you already know that he can commit, so when he picks you, you can relax and enjoy it.