21 Signs Someone Is Pushing You Away When You Try to Be Close

Have you ever tried to be close to someone who didn’t share the same feelings as you? If you have, you can agree that that is one of the most devastating things that can happen to anyone. The feeling of rejection is second to none and can even affect your sense of self-esteem if not managed well. 

What are the signs someone is pushing you away? What do you do when you are being pushed away in a relationship? How do you handle the disappointment that follows when people push you away? How do you stop being pushed away when you love someone and wish to be closer to them in a relationship?

All these and more are the questions we will be answering in this article. When you are done reading through, you will find an effective blueprint for navigating the trying times when you are being pushed away by someone you love. 

What does it mean when someone pushes you away? 

Many Americans report being devastated when they try to reach out to the people they love (whether romantic love or platonic love), only to be met by a wall of bricks because these people are pushing them away. 

Every successful relationship hinges upon the active contribution of all parties involved in the relationship. So, when you are pushing someone away in a relationship, you withhold the love and attention they deserve, even if they give you this love and attention. 

The “pushing someone away” phase is characterized by icy coldness, manipulation, verbal/physical aggression, emotional separation from the person who is trying to reach out to you, and defensiveness every single time they try to reach out. 

Another thing that is worth noting is that the person who pushes another away in a relationship usually does this because they believe they are doing the other person a huge favor by not letting them get close to them. 

In summary, when someone pushes you away, they do not meet your efforts to be close to them. They set up emotional walls around themselves and every moment you spend with them feels like you are struggling to get over their strong defenses. 

How do you know if you are being pushed away? 

Truthfully speaking., it is almost easy to detect when you are being pushed away in a relationship. When someone pushes you away, everything about them screams at you that you aren’t welcome in their life.   

In addition, there are clear signs your partner is pushing you away; many of these signs, to say the least. If you notice them, just know that you may be imposing yourself on someone who would rather you stay far away from them. 

In a subsequent section of this article, we will look at the signs your girlfriend is pushing you away (and also the signs he’s pushing you away). 

What causes someone to push you away? 

Sometimes, it is impossible to effectively reach out to a loved one who is pushing you away if you do not understand what goes on in their minds and why they choose to act the way they do. 

It might interest you to note that not all the people who push you away are evil. Some are just responding to you based on their perspectives about life and what they are worth. 

As a matter of fact, research has shown that many people do not know how to respond to love and attention. In these cases, being loved arouses feelings of deep sadness from the past, which the person on the receiving end of that attention struggles to block out. 

More often than not, they may respond in the only way they know how to; by pushing away the one who loves and cares for them and hurting them in the process. 

In addition to deep-seated trust issues from the past, many people push the ones they love away because of fear. They may be afraid of committing to someone who just ends up breaking their heart and leaving them out in the cold. In this case, they would rather stay off than allow the person to come close. 

What better way to keep someone far away from you than to push them away from you emotionally? 

17 signs someone is pushing you away when you are trying to be close 

Here are some of the classic signs someone is pushing you away.  

1. They start avoiding you 

This is one of the first things you would notice when someone is trying to push you away. Honestly, this hurts a lot, especially if they have had a history of being happy with you around them. 

They suddenly start avoiding you. They no longer pick up your calls or respond to your messages. When they manage to, there’s always an excuse about why you cannot hang out together. 

2. All forms of affection have gone out the door 

This is one of the signs a friend is pushing you away. Yes, it goes beyond just the romantic relationship setting you are acquainted with. Everything that used to represent affection between both of you – hugging, kissing, cuddling, and small caresses here and there – all jump out the door. 

When affection suddenly stops, there’s something big happening behind the scenes. 

3. They cringe when you try to get close 

In addition to all the lost affection, another thing you’d notice when someone is pushing you away is they tend to cringe when you try to get close to them. Not only do they not initiate any form of affection, but they also stand back when you try to reach out. 

Do you know what’s worse? They might even be doing this subconsciously, and you’d notice it because it feels like a reflex action.  

4. Communication is dead as far as they are concerned

One of the clearest signs someone is pushing you away is that they are no longer interested in communicating with you. Small talk dies a natural death, and you somehow have to figure everything out by yourself.

When you attempt to reach out to them and initiate important conversations, you are met with silence and the cold shoulder. As this continues over time, you may even be tempted to give up on trying to communicate with them as well. Under these conditions, it is only a matter of time until the relationship dies.

5. When they manage to stay put, they don’t even listen to you 

When you have managed to convince them to give you a few minutes of their precious time (to talk about something that should be important to all of you), you keep getting that vibe that they aren’t even listening. 

Before now, they used to be interested in the things that matter to you. Right now, it feels like they can’t be bothered by your ‘drama.’ 

6. They prefer their own company 

This may not bother you a lot if they have always been like this. However, this desire to be all by themselves started recently – to the best of your knowledge. Every time you try to check in on them and spend some time together, they seem to be wrapped up in something that demands that they be left alone.

On other occasions, one of the signs that someone is pushing you away is that they harshly tell you to leave them all by themselves.    

7. They have become aggressive 

No one loves an aggressive partner, but aggression can sometimes be the result of deep-seated anger expressed by someone who is trying to push you away when you are trying to get closer to them. 

Their aggressiveness can take up any form. It could be physical, emotional, or even passive-aggressiveness. When it is physical, they may launch an attack at you and seek to harm your body. 

When it is emotional, they mostly use words and their actions to make you feel bad whenever you try to reach out to them. When their attempts are passive-aggressive, you may notice them giving you the cold shoulder or trying to pretend like you do not exist – regardless of what you do to get their attention. 

8. You fight. A lot 

At some point in a relationship, every couple is bound to fight over some things. These could be the seemingly small things or the big ones. 

However, the good thing about being in a relationship is that even though you fight with your partner, you are willing and able to make the relationship work. Then again, the fights aren’t a usual occurrence. 

However, this isn’t the case when you begin to notice the signs someone is pushing you away. When someone with depression pushes you away, one of the things you would begin to notice is that you would begin fighting more often. 

Every time you try to get together with them (even if it is just for a small chat or for a quick hangout), 

What’s worse about these incessant fights is that when you take some time to analyze what is going on, you would discover that you mostly fight over the things that shouldn’t be an issue to you.    

9. They are more interested in their phones 

Get them to go on a date with you, and you may be amazed when they spend the entire time texting with their phones or looking at the newest videos on YouTube. 

When she pushes you away, you would notice that she isn’t interested in hearing anything you have to say. In a bid to make sure that this doesn’t happen, she would spend the bulk of her time fiddling away with her phone any time she has to hang out with you. 

The same thing goes for a guy who isn’t interested in making things work with you but is more invested in pushing you away any time you try to get closer to him. 

10. Their blame game is on another level 

Before now, they used to be quite independent and responsible for their lives. They understood that there wasn’t any use in crying over spilled milk, nor did it make any sense to spend their lives pointing fingers whenever anything went wrong. 

Right now, the tides seem to have turned for good. Everything you do seems to be a problem for them. Do you know what’s worse? Everything you don’t do seems to be a problem as well. Sometimes, keeping up with the blame that drips from their lips can be exhausting. 

Suggested video: Identifying emotional manipulation tactics; Guilt-tripping, shaming, and projecting the blame:

11. They have asked for a break from you and the relationship 

People do not like to withdraw from the things they enjoy. We only seek breaks when we are entangled with something we do not enjoy or aren’t satisfied with. 

One of the clearest signs someone is pushing you away is that they ask you to go on a break in the relationship. More often than not, asking to go on a break is their subtle way of telling you that they would rather have nothing to do with the relationship. In many cases, asking for a break is usually a sign that they want out and may most likely end up with a breakup.  

12. A close friend has talked to you about this 

You may try to keep things locked down, but if someone who is close to you has suspected that something is off and has even complained about seeing how your partner treats you, it may be a sign that you may have to rethink many things. 

When other people begin to sniff out things like these, it is usually because they are getting out of hand. 

13. You just know it

When someone begins to push you away, a part of you suspects and knows what is going on. Yes, you may be perplexed at their sudden change of attitude, but it doesn’t change the fact that you suspect that they are trying to push you away.  

14. Increased secrecy and privacy

One of the signs he is trying to push you away could be his sudden increase in secrecy and desire for privacy. 

If your husband is pushing you away, you might notice that he’s less forthcoming with information about his daily activities or who he’s spending time with. This shift from an open book to a closed diary can signal a withdrawal from the relationship.

15. Avoidance of future plans

When discussing the future feels like a minefield, it’s one of the signs of pushing someone away. This behavior can be particularly evident if, previously, both of you planned together enthusiastically. 

If your spouse dodges conversations about future events, holidays, or major life decisions, it suggests a reluctance to commit to the relationship long-term.

16. Sudden over-commitment to work or hobbies

An abrupt and intense focus on work or personal hobbies can be a sign that your partner is creating distance. 

Whether it’s the signs you pushed her away or my husband is pushing me away, this behavior serves as a convenient excuse to spend less time at home and avoid addressing relationship issues. This distancing tactic can lead to emotional gaps that are hard to bridge.

17. Lack of interest in your well-being

If your wife is pushing you away, she might show a marked disinterest in your life’s happenings and well-being. This could manifest as indifference towards your feelings, achievements, or struggles. The emotional disconnect is a significant indicator that she may no longer be invested in nurturing the relationship.

What to do when someone you love pushes you away

More than the signs, it is important you know what to do when someone you love pushes you away. This is because if you are stuck on your next line of action, you will remain in that toxic state without any plans for redemption.     

Here are the things you must do when you notice the signs someone is pushing you away. 

1. Calm down 

It is easy to get offended or defensive when you notice that someone is pushing you away. Taking any rash step as a result of anger will only make things worse and push them farther away. 

2. Ask them to tell you the cause 

If they are pulling away because of something you did, this is the time to encourage them to talk to you about it. Getting them to open up is the first step toward getting your relationship back on track. You may want to brace up to hear some things you didn’t expect! 

3. Let them be honest about what they want 

it is impossible to fix a relationship when you don’t even know what your partner wants from you. When conversing with them, encourage them to not only point out what they don’t like but to tell you what they expect. 

This is the only way to determine what you must do to save the relationship. 

4. Seek professional help 

If they are pulling away because of something haunting them from the past, you may want to suggest that they seek professional help. This may not be easy, but it would save the relationship in the long run.  

FAQs

Here are some FAQs on recognizing emotional distancing in relationships, along with detailed answers:

• How do you tell if you are being pushed away?

You might notice the person becoming more distant or disengaged. Common signs include decreased communication, avoidance of physical closeness, and a sudden disinterest in shared activities or future plans. 

If interactions feel strained or superficial, and they seem reluctant to spend time with you, these are strong indicators that you are being pushed away.

• How to tell if someone is running away from their feelings?

When someone is running from their feelings, they often exhibit inconsistency in their behavior towards you. They might alternate between being overly affectionate and unusually distant. 

Avoiding deep conversations, showing discomfort with intimacy, or suddenly changing plans to create distance can also suggest they are struggling with their emotions and not ready to face them.

• How do you tell if someone is going to leave you?

Indications that someone may be planning to leave include talking less about the future together, showing less enthusiasm in resolving conflicts, and increasing their focus on personal independence. 

Withdrawal from shared responsibilities or a noticeable shift in priorities can also be a red flag. They might start to detach emotionally and physically, preparing for a life without you.

• Why do I push people away when they try to get close to me?

Pushing people away can be a defense mechanism triggered by fear of vulnerability or past traumas. It might also stem from a deep-seated fear of rejection or abandonment, leading you to preemptively distance yourself to avoid getting hurt. 

Identifying and addressing these underlying issues with a therapist or counselor can help you understand and change this pattern.

Summary 

Knowing what to do when someone pushes you away is one of the first steps you must take if you want to safeguard your relationship with them. Dealing with emotional stress is difficult but worthwhile in the end. 

Note also that it mustn’t always work out. You may try all you can to no avail. Under those conditions, prioritize your mental health and walk away. You’ll be hurt, but you’ll be fine eventually. 

If, on the other hand, you are able to walk through this phase together, you can move on to a better and stronger relationship. Also, remember. Don’t push away someone who cares about you. Treasure them instead.