17 Signs of a Jealous Mother-in-Law and How to Deal With Her

Have you ever found yourself wondering: Why does my mother-in-law hate me? Or thinking, ‘I can’t stand my mother-in-law!’

If you have, you’re not alone.

Studies show that most people consider their relationship with their in-laws to be important. 

But how do you maintain happy family relations when you start to see signs your mother-in-law is jealous of you?

The traits of a jealous mother-in-law are easy to find when you know what you’re looking for. Keep reading to learn the signs of a jealous mother-in-law and get tips on how to handle a stressful situation.

What causes jealousy in mother-in-laws?

What causes signs your mother-in-law is jealous? Did you cause the traits of a jealous mother-in-law to come out?

Unless you were rude to her, odds are this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with your mother-in-law’s bad attitude.

What caused the signs your mother-in-law is jealous? 

It could be…

• Her son has stopped giving her attention since meeting/marrying you
• She feels intimidated by you
• She feels left out of her son’s life

It could also be that your mother-in-law simply hasn’t gotten the opportunity to know you very well.

Mothers and daughters-in-law must be allowed peaceful opportunities to get together in order to develop trust, as well as a certain degree of one-on-one time together in order to build an intimate friendship.

17 common jealous mother-in-law signs

The following are listed fifteen conspicuous signs your mother-in-law is jealous of you. Knowing these signs can help you to assess and deal with the situation in the best way possible.

1. Two-faced attitude 

An unreliable attitude is one of the surefire signs your in-laws are jealous of you.

Your mother-in-law acts nice to your face but complains about you when you’re not around. She perplexes you with her two-faced attitude.

You find it difficult to confront her because if you try to, she will act innocent and show that she likes you!

2. She criticizes everything you do 

Your poisonous mother-in-law believes anything you can do, she can do better. She tries to compete with you every now and then and shows that she is better than you.

Even if you try to do something good with all your genuineness, she will criticize you and point at your inadequacies.

3. Thankless behavior

You can realize, “My mother-in-law is jealous of me,” when she never acknowledges your contribution or effort.

Thankless behavior is one of the classic traits of a jealous mother-in-law. Whatever you do, eventually, you can never expect appreciation from her.

She will be thankless and conveniently ignore your good deeds.

4. She never lets anything go

She holds grudges and never lets anything go. You would be surprised by the power of her memory!

She will remember petty things and cook up stories to show you and your spouse how you and your actions hurt her and how saddened she is.

5. She compares you with your spouse’s ex

Signs your mother-in-law is jealous of you come out when she is always comparing you to or talking about your hubby’s ex-girlfriends.

She will deliberately try to talk about how happy your spouse was when he was with his ex-girlfriend or try to make you jealous by appreciating beauty or other things regarding his ex.

6. She acts like she is married to your husband

Your poisonous mother-in-law is always trying to take your place in your hubby’s life. 

This might sound too harsh, but it is one of the most commonly observed signs your mother-in-law is jealous of you.

7. She goes out of her way to get her son’s attention

She goes out of her way to get her son’s attention, calling him constantly and coming over without asking. These are the traits of a jealous mother-in-law.

8. She constantly bad-mouths you to your husband 

If you’re wondering, “Is my mother-in-law jealous of me?” this can be a serious red flag.

Mother-in-law’s jealous signs come out clear if and when she bad mouths you to your own husband again and again.

9. She tells you how you should raise your children 

Jealous mother-in-law signs may involve interfering in your marriage, the way you function, or being vocal about how you should raise your children.

She will try to find faults with your style of upbringing and maybe even compare you with how excellently she brought up her children.

10. She doesn’t respect your boundaries

Is this another one of the traits of a jealous mother-in-law? Yes, it is!

She doesn’t respect your boundaries. She doesn’t know where she has to stop. In the pursuit of putting you down, she might conveniently overstep her boundaries.

11. She displays passive-aggressive behavior 

Signs your mother-in-law is jealous often come out in sarcasm and passive-aggressive behavior.

You might not be able to stop her bluntly as she might not say anything directly to you. She might instead prefer passive-aggressive behavior to hurt you and save herself from the blame.

12. She is always meddling in your life 

Annoying mother-in-law is always meddling – Does your mother-in-law always cause drama in your marriage? Does she intervene in your personal matters? Does she opine about something that is not related to her?

If yes, this is yet another one of the jealous mother-in-law signs.

13. She excludes you from things  

One of the signs your mother-in-law is jealous is if she purposely doesn’t invite you to family events or perhaps invites you last minute.

She will even try to plan things just with your spouse and your kids and keep you out of it, citing some illogical reasons.

14. She always plays the victim 

Playing victim intentionally can be a way of manipulation and calls for ways to learn how to deal with a manipulative mother-in-law.

Your mother-in-law always finds a reason to be upset and uses it to try and get your husband on her side. She might even put up a false show of emotions and show how perturbed she is because of you or your actions.

Again, this is one of the most obvious signs your mother-in-law is jealous of you.

15. She’s always trying to take over 

You’ve organized a social event, yet she’s the one who’s starting to control everything from what you’re having for dinner to the games you play after!

She might eventually try to put you down and take all the credit for successfully hosting the event. She won’t even fall short of bragging about it for times to come!

16. She shows passive-aggressive behavior 

This involves expressing negative emotions or resistance indirectly, often through subtle, veiled actions or comments. In the context of a mother-in-law relationship, it might manifest as sarcasm, withholding information, giving silent treatment, procrastinating, offering backhanded compliments, or engaging in behaviors designed to frustrate or upset without openly confronting the issues.

17. She undermined your role as a parent

Undermining your role as a parent refers to actions or comments from a mother-in-law that diminish your authority, confidence, or decision-making in matters related to parenting your children. This can be particularly distressing for a couple trying to raise their children according to their own values and beliefs. 

17 ways to deal with a jealous mother-in-law

Now, how to deal with a jealous mother-in-law without making the situation worse?

Now that you know all the signs your mother-in-law is jealous, it’s time to take back your peace of mind and do something about your mother-in-law’s annoying attitude.

Here are tips for dealing with jealous mother-in-law symptoms without stirring the pot.

1. Communicate with her

Communicating openly with your mother-in-law about any issues that have come between you can be a great way of smoothing over your relationship and starting fresh.

According to marriage & family therapist Lisa Seid:

While it’s not your job to fix your mother-in-law, improving your relationship with her will likely benefit your marriage in the long run, so think of taking steps to help ease her jealousy, which will ultimately be a win-win for you. 

2. Develop empathy

A mother-in-law causing problems in marriage is hardly a new thing, but have you ever wondered why your MIL acts the way she does?

Having empathy for her and being able to see things from her perspective may shed some light on her bad behavior and help you navigate your sticky situation.

3. Help her transition

“Losing” a son to another woman can be a nightmare for some mothers.

Instead of lashing out and saying things like, ‘My mother-in-law acts like she is married to my husband!’, help make the transition easier for her by finding ways to make her feel included.

For example, have your husband call her and ask if she could make one of his favorite desserts or ask for her advice on a matter.

4. Give her gifts

Jealous mother-in-law signs often stem from insecurities, so why not erase those insecurities by letting her know how much you both care?

Surprise her with little gifts and let her know that you were thinking about her.

5. Offer a helping hand

One way to take the venom out of your poisonous mother-in-law is by being helpful when you are around her.

If you are coming for dinner, offer to bring something like wine or a side dish and help her clean up after the meal is over. If she has an appointment to attend, offer her a ride or some company.

6. Take an interest in her life

The toxic traits of a jealous mother-in-law may stem from no longer feeling needed or relevant in her son’s life. Correct her thinking by asking her get-to-know-you questions. Ask her about how she grew up and what it was like raising her children.

She will no doubt appreciate your genuine interest in her life.

7. Compliment her

Dealing with mother-in-law issues doesn’t have to be so tough.

Have you tried being nice to her? Sometimes a simple compliment about her cooking, the way she keeps her house, or another one of her qualities may endear her to you.

8. Make time to see her

One of the traits of a jealous mother-in-law is if she keeps forcing herself on your family. Instead of letting her bombard your family plans, schedule time to see her each week. This will make her feel more important to your family life and quell her urge to pop in unannounced.

9. Avoid conflict

Conflict is one of the biggest traits of a jealous mother-in-law, so don’t participate. Avoid conflict by being patient and peaceable. She may back down when she sees you won’t take the bait.

Also, you can read some good self-help books to learn some strategies to avoid conflict and improve your relationship with laws.

10. Talk to your partner

Dealing with a difficult mother-in-law puts you in an awkward position because it forces your husband to pick sides. 

However, the only way to deal with a poisonous mother-in-law is to communicate with your husband about how you feel and have him speak on your family’s behalf.

11. Create healthy boundaries

Feeling that ‘my mother-in-law acts like she is married to my husband’ can be unnerving. You and your husband can undo this unnerving feeling by going to your MIL and creating healthy boundaries that she needs to stick to.

Here are some tips on dealing with a mother-in-law who interferes a lot:

12. Ignore her bad behavior

A poisonous mother-in-law’s bad behavior can get you riled up, but it’s important not to let her know that she has bothered you.

Keep a good poker face and act like nothing in the world can rattle your happy life – not even an annoying mother-in-law.

13. Schedule your children’s playtime with your mother-in-law

Do you have children? If so, forcing herself into family time is yet another trait of a jealous mother-in-law.

Instead of allowing problems with mother-in-laws to affect your time with your children, schedule specific days where the kids can go and play at grandma’s.

14. Speak up when enough is enough

If you’ve tried to deal with a jealous mother-in-law by staying quiet and peaceable, and it still isn’t working, it’s time to throw in the towel.

There’s a difference between being polite and letting your MIL walk all over you. Speak up when you feel disrespected, and don’t let her get away with disrespectful behavior.

15. Move away

A mother-in-law ruining marriage happiness is not something that should be tolerated.

Studies suggest that the quality of the mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship affects a woman’s well-being and the quality of her other relationships in life.

If a wife is unhappy and she and her husband are on the same page about the poisonous mother-in-law, it may be time to move away or cut ties with her for some time.

 16. Focus on common interests

Focusing on common interests is a strategy that aims to create a bridge for communication and bonding between you and your mother-in-law. The idea here is to find shared hobbies, activities, or topics that both of you can connect over. This approach can be effective for several reasons:

When you engage in activities that you both enjoy, it can create a positive and relaxed atmosphere, making it easier to have meaningful conversations.

17. Consider professional help

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, conflicts and tensions with your mother-in-law may persist, and the relationship may remain strained. In such situations, seeking professional help can be a prudent step to address the underlying issues and work toward resolution. 

Engaging a qualified family therapist or counselor who specializes in conflict resolution and family dynamics can be quite helpful. These professionals are trained to provide a safe and structured environment for discussions.

Commonly asked questions

Jealousy from a mother-in-law can be a challenging issue that many couples face. It’s essential to address it constructively to maintain a healthy and harmonious family dynamic.

• How can jealousy from a mother-in-law impact a marriage?

Jealousy from a mother-in-law can strain a marriage by causing conflicts, stress, and emotional turmoil. It may lead to resentment between spouses and hinder effective communication.

• Should the spouse confront the mother-in-law about her jealousy?

Confronting a jealous mother-in-law should be done tactfully and with your spouse’s support. It’s essential to address the issue calmly, express your feelings, and seek understanding rather than blame.

• Is it possible to build a positive relationship with a jealous mother-in-law?

Yes, it’s possible to build a positive relationship with a jealous mother-in-law. It requires patience, open communication, and finding common ground. Seek opportunities for shared experiences and empathetic understanding.

• Is it okay to avoid your mother-in-law?

While avoiding your mother-in-law may provide temporary relief, it’s not an ideal long-term solution. Strained relationships may persist, affecting family dynamics and causing more significant issues.

• Can a mother-in-law ruin your marriage?

A mother-in-law’s negative influence can strain a marriage if not addressed. However, with effective communication, setting boundaries, and mutual understanding, a strong marriage can weather these challenges. It’s crucial to work together as a couple to protect your relationship.

Moving forward with a jealous mother-in-law

While you deal with a jealous mother-in-law, remember that empathy, patience, and open communication are your greatest allies. 

Jealousy can strain marriages and create tensions, but it’s not an insurmountable obstacle. By finding common interests, setting boundaries, and seeking professional help if needed, you can work towards a more harmonious family dynamic. 

It’s okay to acknowledge that these challenges exist, but it’s even more important to approach them with a commitment to understanding and healing. Remember, a strong marriage is built on love, trust, and the ability to overcome obstacles together.