15 Signs of Feeling Suffocated in a Relationship & How to Break Free

One thing to be mindful of if you’re feeling suffocated in a relationship, it isn’t or shouldn’t be an indication of abuses happening by a significant other.

That can involve controlling behavior, inclusive of a mate becoming angry or making any kind of direct threat when you aren’t available at their whim. If a partnership begins to feel in any way unsafe as opposed to smothering, that’s a sign of walking away.

Even feeling smothered in a relationship can sometimes lead to an ending if efforts to work through the problem are fruitless.

What does suffocation feel like in a relationship?

Romantic partnerships require work. Days won’t always be roses and sunshine. However, each person needs to realize when there’s an issue and do their part to work towards a positive outcome to achieve relationship success.

That requires much communication from each person. An issue that requires an open conversation is when one partner begins feeling suffocated in a relationship.

That can look like many things, such as someone who clings to requiring constant attention with no allowance for other interactions.

This person ultimately develops attachment and codependency, where time spent together is no longer mutual planning but instead turns into demands and can begin to drain your energy.

At some point, you will feel less fulfillment and notice dread start to creep in when thinking of the other person. The thing to be mindful of is that the attempts to control each moment of your time can lead to a toxic situation. That’s when you need to reevaluate.

15 signs of feeling suffocated in relationship

When a partnership begins to feel like a burden, or you start to resent your mate, infringing on every moment of your time, draining your energy, and holding unreasonable expectations, you’re experiencing a suffocating relationship. Signs you need to pay attention to are:

1. Your mate is needy or clinging to the partnership

 A partner who is unhappy and becomes irritated unless they receive constant nurturing with you to recognize and answer needs consistently is a clingy mate.

Generally, the attention they receive from you is one-sided, with little time put towards supporting you. This person is selfish but expects you to be selfless with them.

2. Manipulation is the course of the relationship

When being smothered in a relationship, manipulation is a favored method for getting what a partner wants.

Feeling suffocated in relationship results in a mate complaining they don’t see you enough or you don’t make an effort to spend “quality” time with them when, in fact, they monopolize your every minute of each day.

In some cases, manipulators will feign sickness to prevent you from interacting with family or friends or enjoying time independently.

3. Getting your own space is not an option

A mate who just appears at the most inopportune time assuming themselves into your schedule is not respectful of having your personal space.

For instance, if you have a friend’s night or enjoy a specific class but, out of nowhere, your partner intrudes on the event, despite your desire to participate in these activities, your designates red flags that you’re being smothered in a relationship.

4. Contact throughout the day has reached a point of overkill

Your only opportunity to have time away from your clingy partner is when each of you goes off to work for the day. Unfortunately, even this reprieve is interrupted by countless calls and texts to ensure that your mind is on them.

In the beginning, an abundance of affection and contact might seem somewhat standard with the newness and attempt to get to know each other. Still, after a while, it becomes frustrating and can be annoying having to give a minute-by-minute account of what you’ve done all day.

5. The jealousy borders on irrational

In this situation, toxicity can rear its head if you’re not exceptionally careful. An unreasonably jealous mate will become overly focused on who you spend time with when you’re not with them.

Depending on the person, it can result in your partner becoming insecure and agitated, pondering whether your feelings for them are authentic.

6. Lying becomes the new norm for you

Feeling suffocated in a relationship can lead to you intentionally finding ways to avoid spending time with your partner.

The idea brings a sense of frustration and dissatisfaction instead of joy or fulfillment. You might even find yourself having to lie to gain a few hours of alone time or enjoy family or friends.

7. Attempts to change you

Some mates who consume their partner’s life ultimately attempt to make changes by overstepping personal boundaries.

You might not notice these at first, but as time goes on, they become blatant and invasive, like buying you clothes as they interpret your fashion should be or rearranging elements within your home.

Behavior like this goes beyond signs of being smothered in a relationship instead, leading to control.

8. You don’t feel you can express yourself or speak your mind

Everyone is entitled to their opinion. When views are stifled to the point you don’t feel you can speak your mind or express how you feel on virtually any subject, including the relationship, that’s incredibly suffocating and a horrible situation in which to be involved.

No one should feel as though they need to internalize their feelings to appease another person; again, this leads to toxicity and is unhealthy.

To know more about manipulation in relationships, watch this video:

9. Your life is no longer private

Social media can be a great tool. However, when you feel smothered in a relationship, and the person is exceptionally clingy, you will see yourself plastered all over your mate’s social sites, whether you want your life made public or not.

It can include incredibly intimate moments when you’re unaware, disagreements you’re in the middle of when your partner decides to poll friends for advice, or pictures from your last date.

10. You have become the center of your partner’s world

After even a brief period, if you notice your partner is no longer making plans with friends, visiting with family, or really participating in any activity that doesn’t involve you, it has become a suffocating situation.

Your mate has made it a choice to devote every waking moment to spending time together as a couple instead of understanding that having healthy individual lives outside the relationship is also essential.

11. Loss of identity

When you start to lose your sense of self and individuality, it’s a clear sign that you’re feeling suffocated in a relationship. Your interests, hobbies, and passions take a backseat as your partner’s needs and wants become the focal point of your life. 

This can lead to a smothering relationship where you no longer recognize who you are outside of the partnership.

12. Constant monitoring

If your partner is always keeping tabs on you, asking where you are, what you’re doing, and who you’re with, it can make you feel like you’re under surveillance. This constant monitoring can make you feel suffocated in your relationship, as it leaves no room for trust or personal freedom.

13. Emotional blackmail

When your partner uses guilt or emotional manipulation to keep you close, it’s a sign that you’re in a smothering relationship. Phrases like “If you loved me, you would do this” or “I can’t live without you” are red flags that indicate emotional blackmail. 

This can make you feel trapped and suffocated, as it puts undue pressure on you to conform to your partner’s desires.

14. Lack of personal time

In a healthy relationship, both partners should have the freedom to spend time alone or with other people. However, if you find that you’re unable to enjoy personal time without facing repercussions from your partner, it’s a sign that you’re feeling suffocated in the relationship. 

Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or spending time with friends, you should be able to have your own space without feeling guilty.

15. Ignoring boundaries

If your partner consistently ignores or disrespects your boundaries, it’s a sign that you’re feeling suffocated in your relationship. 

This could be physical boundaries, like entering your personal space without permission, or emotional boundaries, like discussing personal issues with others without your consent. 

When boundaries are consistently ignored, it can make you feel like you’re losing control over your own life, leading to feelings of suffocation.

13 Ways to stop feeling suffocated in a relationship

In reality, if you don’t stop the behavior in the very early stages when you begin to notice that someone is starting to cling or worse border on controlling, it can grow out of hand rapidly and prove challenging to reel it back in for a healthy situation.

Partners’ behaviors are unique from one mate to the next. When someone is capable and permitted to disrespect another person in the ways discussed here, it takes honest effort on the part of each partner to make changes.

It’s wise to prepare since sometimes they might change for a period if they feel the relationship could be in jeopardy, but old patterns can resurface. Things you can try if the union is something vital to you:

1. Set solid boundaries

Each of you should have specific personal boundaries that you set, if not at the beginning of the relationship, do so when attempting to repair the current situation. These need to be firm, with no allowances for stepping outside without the likelihood of losing the partnership.

2. Take back your privacy

It’s okay to celebrate milestones, special occasions, and even good news on social media if each person agrees and is aware that it’s happening. 

Decide together what parts of the relationship will go public and what will be kept personal between the two of you.

3. Express your concerns

Perhaps your mate is unaware of their behavior and how it’s affecting you. Without a direct line of communication, a partner can’t fix what they don’t know is broken.

It’s essential to sit down and express yourself so your significant other can see the relationship through your eyes, and it might open theirs to becoming less clingy.

4. Work on re-developing your sense of independence

As a rule, couples will make significant decisions as a team. If your experience is that one person is making all the decisions, that starts the cycle of feeling suffocated in a relationship.

In order to break free from the pattern, limit the capacity of your mate’s “policing” and choose to make daily decisions independently. It’s not necessary to discuss every tiny detail of your life with your partner.

5. Lead by example

Encourage your partner to have fun with friends or family or engage in hobbies or activities alone. Displaying trust in the mate and the relationship will help your significant other see they can also trust you to do activities alone without anything improper occurring.

6. Have an opinion

It’s healthy for couples to share opinions on different topics even if they disagree. It could potentially end in an argument, but these are also healthy elements of good relationships. Loving couples disagree on many subjects, but it doesn’t affect their feelings for each other.

7. Take time each day for yourself

Let your partner know that during a specific period of the day, you’ll have time for self-care.

You can spend this time at the gym, in a soaking bath, or doing absolutely nothing. The idea is that it’s your time in your space to do as you choose. We all need that.

8. Take some time off

When you notice the stifling behavior is starting to make you dread spending time with the other person, consider taking a break.

It’s not beneficial to continue in a dysfunctional situation without, at some point, choosing to hit reset and take a week away from each other to think, heal, and see where each of you needs to make changes.

9. Gain insight into your mate’s behavior

Attempt to gain insight into what’s happened in past relationships that might be creating the current behavior.

Generally, when someone is clingy or unreasonably jealous, a self-esteem issue often leads to old baggage that needs airing to get beyond it.

Try talking through personal traumas to see if that helps your mate open up.

10. Couples counseling

If all efforts are in vain, but the two of you genuinely want to give it all hope, couple’s counseling is often the best idea. A professional counselor can often get to the bottom of an issue where the partners are only coming up against roadblocks.

11. Establish a safe space for open dialogue

Create an environment where both you and your partner can speak openly about your feelings, concerns, and expectations without judgment. 

This “safe space” can be a recurring time you set aside to check in with each other or simply an understanding that you both can bring up relationship issues as they arise. 

The key is to listen as much as you speak and to approach the conversation with empathy and a willingness to understand your partner’s perspective.

12. Reevaluate your relationship goals

It’s important to periodically reassess the goals you both have for the relationship. Are you both still aligned in your long-term objectives, such as marriage, children, or career paths? 

If not, it’s crucial to discuss these topics and find common ground or make necessary adjustments. This can help prevent feelings of being trapped or suffocated, as you both have a clear understanding of where the relationship is headed.

13. Encourage mutual growth

A relationship should be a partnership where both individuals can grow personally, professionally, and emotionally. If you’re feeling suffocated, it might be because one or both of you have stopped growing. 

Encourage each other to take on new challenges, whether it’s a new job, a hobby, or even going back to school. When both partners are growing, it enriches the relationship and reduces the likelihood of feeling stifled.

FAQs

Relationships can be complex, and it’s not uncommon to encounter challenges that make you feel confined or overwhelmed. 

The FAQ section aims to address some common questions about feeling suffocated in a relationship, offering insights and guidance.

• Is it normal to feel suffocated in a relationship?

Feeling suffocated occasionally is not uncommon, especially during stressful times or significant life changes. However, if this feeling persists, it may indicate deeper issues that need to be addressed for a healthy relationship.

• How do you know if you’re suffocating in a relationship?

Signs of feeling suffocated may include a loss of personal space, feeling controlled or monitored emotional exhaustion, and a desire to spend less time with your partner. These feelings often lead to stress and unhappiness.

• What does it mean when you feel like you are being suffocated?

Feeling suffocated often means you’re experiencing a lack of freedom or personal space in the relationship. It can result from overly controlling behavior, emotional manipulation, or simply an imbalance in the partnership.

• Why do I feel suffocated around my husband?

Feeling suffocated around your husband could be due to various factors such as unmet emotional needs, lack of personal space, or unresolved issues. It’s crucial to communicate openly about your feelings to identify the root cause and find a solution.

Final thoughts

At the beginning of a dating relationship, when someone appears doting with little messages each morning or phone calls a couple of times during the day, no one thinks much of that because everything is new and the couple has a desire to learn all they can quickly.

But when these texts grow in number, and the phone calls begin to disrupt daily schedules, these are red flags that need addressing before they go any further.

A loving, trusting, and healthy relationship can withstand separation for individual hobbies, interests, or periods of merely enjoying some self-nurturing.

There should be no fear that a mate will grow irritated or jealous over an imaginary scenario based on insecurity and low self-esteem. Instead, these concerns need to be communicated between the partners with a positive conversation airing any baggage that might be contributing to these unreasonable fears and the overall stifling behavior.

When two people expose their vulnerabilities without judgment from either person, safety and security abound. 

So, an open, honest discussion’s outcome should entail a closer bond minus the need for one person to hover over their partner’s every move but instead, carry a new sense of trust and faith in the partnership and their mate.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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