Is He Stringing Me Along? 17 Telltale Signs and How to Stop

Maneuvering the world of dating and relationships can be a complex and emotionally charged journey. It might be not uncommon for individuals to find themselves in situations where they may wonder, “Is he stringing me along?”

The term “stringing someone along” refers to a situation where one person in a relationship keeps the other in limbo, usually without the intention of committing or advancing the relationship. 

In this article, we’ll explore what this phrase means in the context of a romantic relationship, highlight alarming signs that he might be stringing you along, discuss things you can do when faced with this situation, and provide actionable ways to stop being strung along by a guy.

What does “stringing someone along” mean in a relationship? 

Before delving into the signs and strategies to address being strung along in a relationship, it’s crucial to understand what this phrase truly means.

When someone is “stringing you along” in a romantic context, they typically give you mixed signals, false hope, or vague promises without any genuine commitment or intention to move the relationship forward. This behavior can leave you feeling confused, frustrated, and emotionally drained.

Stringing along meaning can vary from one situation to another, but it generally involves leading someone on without real commitment.

Being strung along can manifest in various ways, from leading you to believe there’s a future together while avoiding commitment to maintaining inconsistent communication or emotional distance. Recognizing the signs of being strung along early is essential to make informed decisions about the relationship’s future.

With this context in place, identifying the signs he’s stringing you along is essential for your mental health.

17 alarming signs he’s stringing you along

“Is he stringing me along or taking it slow?” People who suspect their emotions are being played on might have this question in their minds. To help you have a possible answer to this question, here are some potential signs a guy is stringing you along:

1. He doesn’t give you what you want

If the guy you’re in a relationship with doesn’t provide you with what you want, it can be a sign he’s stringing you along. From the relationship’s inception, you were clear about what you wanted. 

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker:

When your partner does not fulfill your wishes, it may be thought that your relationship is unstable or there are communication problems. This may create the impression that your emotional needs are being ignored or that your partner is losing interest in you. This may also mean that your partner wants to distract you.

You told him you were looking for commitment and an exclusive relationship and wanted to settle down, and he seemed fine with it at first. However, he cannot seem to give it to you, no matter how hard you try. Mostly, this seems to continue for the longest time.

2. He starts spending less time with you

While this may not be the classical sign that a guy is stringing you along, please pay extra attention when he starts spending less time with you than he used to.

Coupled with that, he could keep you thinking that he’s still interested by tossing random messages your way – messages declaring how much he misses you.

3. He makes promises but hardly keeps any 

Research has shown that people make and break many promises, especially in romantic relationships. And this can be one of the first steps that could eventually cause many relationships to split. 

Take stock of the promises he made you recently. How many of them has he kept? Does he move from one promise to another with the speed of light and without executing any of them? Well, this may be because you are in a string-along relationship. 

4. He only shows up when it is time for sex 

Consider this a continuation of the second sign we discussed. Not only is your man spending much less time with you now (compared to how it used to be at first), but he now only shows up when he wants to get intimate.

Psychologist Mert Şeker suggests:

Your partner’s attention only during sexual intercourse and neglecting you at other times is not a sign of a healthy relationship. This situation may create concern that your relationship may have deficiencies outside of sexuality or that your partner may tend to use you only for this purpose. A relationship should not be built solely on sexuality.

When a guy truly wants you, he will try to make time to be with you, no matter how busy he is. However, just showing up when he wants to get into action may be one of the signs he’s stringing you along.

5. He becomes more irritable 

When he finally creates the time to spend with you, it may feel like you are hanging out with a stranger because he spends most of that time grouchy. You could notice this easily if he used to be a more cheerful person.

Do you know what’s worse? He might get defensive and push back at you when you try to get him to understand the challenge. 

6. He has exciting opinions about relationships

One of the most apparent signs he’s stringing you along is that he has the most exciting views on relationships and commitment. Although he may not say them often, these opinions can slip out in his unguarded moments.  

As far as he is concerned, relationships are overrated. He might also say that commitment isn’t for him. Even if he tries to cover these up by presenting them as jokes, you may want to pay close attention to what he’s not saying.

7. He never calls you his partner

When you are with a guy who loves and adores you, he will probably seize every opportunity to let you know the vital space you occupy in his life. 

He may introduce you as his partner when you go to public functions. He could do the same when you meet the people that matter to him. 

However, one of the potential signs he’s stringing you along is that he can never do this. There’s usually that awkward mid-introduction when it seems like he’s looking for the right words to describe exactly who you are to him.

If a guy finds it difficult to admit that you’re his partner, it’s usually either because he has commitment issues or he’s stringing you along.

8. He is disinterested in making the relationship work

Disinterest in the relationship’s longevity is how to know if a guy is stringing you along. Take a while to look at how the relationship is going. Does it feel like you’re the only one making an effort in the relationship? That could be the sign you seek. 

Once, he used to make an effort. He would call to know how you’re doing, apologize when he hurts you, or try to communicate his feelings. But now, it seems that the ship has sailed. 

His half-hearted efforts now seem to send the subliminal message that he is done with the relationship. 

9. Has a reason why he won’t introduce you to his loved ones 

When you occupy a special place in a man’s life, and he’s ready to commit, he may take you to meet the people that matter to him (at some point). These could be his closest friends or family.

He may do this because he sees you as part of his future. However, one of the evident signs he’s stringing you along is that he never wants you to meet the people in his life.

Psychologist Mert Şeker says:

When your partner avoids introducing you to their circle, it may be a sign that your relationship needs openness. This may give the impression that your partner is trying to keep your relationship secret or is not considering their commitment to you or your future. Such situations can lead to communication problems and feelings of insecurity.

He always has the perfect excuse waiting for you each time you bring up the subject.

10. He doesn’t try to connect with you 

Amongst many other factors, emotional attachment can determine the health of every relationship. Being with a guy who doesn’t try to connect with you beyond sex is exhausting. It could be a sign that he isn’t as interested in the relationship as you may have thought.

So, ask yourself this question. When did you last have a heart-to-heart about what matters in your life? When did he last try connecting with you emotionally as a partner?

11. He flirts with other people, even when you are around 

When a guy is committed to you, he will respect you enough not to make you feel inadequate around others. If he flirts with other individuals even when you’re around, it can be one of the telltale signs he’s stringing you along.

12. He makes you feel inadequate 

When a guy makes you feel like he’s doing you a favor by dating you, he tries to weaken your self-esteem and cause you to stay with him, even when he’s stringing you along. 

The guy may try this with his words or actions. He may even compare you with his ex, or someone he believes is much better than you. 

At first, you may not see anything wrong with it. However, if you allow it to continue, this can cause a dent in your self-esteem.

13. He never talks about the future

One of the ways to know if he strings you along is to try bringing up talks about the future. A guy who doesn’t see you in his future may become evasive and try to brush the subject aside once you bring it up.

Psychologist Mert Şeker thinks that:

When your partner avoids discussing the future, it may appear that your relationship does not want to consider a long-term commitment or is unwilling to plan your future together. This may be a result of uncertainties and concerns about the future. Seeing your relationship as just a one-day affair can lead to problems in the long run.

Note, however, that some people prefer living in the present. It may make no sense for them to worry about what could be when they can focus on every second.

It helps to know if your man prefers to take his days one at a time before deciding whether or not he is stringing you along.

14. He has built a life independent of you 

While it makes sense that both of you shouldn’t be living inside each other’s pockets because you are together, the guy who is just stringing you along may have an entire life independent of you. 

You’d look at him and feel like a stranger, desperately craving to be a part of what’s going on in his life.

For example, he might plan fun hangouts with his friends (who may even bring their dates), but he wouldn’t invite you. He’d even prefer to go solo for a social gathering even when he can bring his significant other.

When a guy genuinely loves you, he will ensure that you are a part of his life. 

15. You just know 

There are moments when your instincts become your most trustworthy guide in deciphering whether a guy is stringing you along. You might sense deep down when you’re with someone who isn’t genuinely committed to making the relationship thrive.

At first, it could be a faint inkling, but as time unfolds and you begin to notice other telltale signs, your intuition will become increasingly resolute – you’ll simply know.

16. He avoids meeting your friends and family

In a healthy, committed relationship, partners typically introduce each other to their close friends and family members over time. If he consistently finds excuses or avoids meeting your loved ones, it may indicate that he’s not invested in building deeper connections with you or integrating you into his life. 

The reluctance to engage with your support system can indicate that he’s not serious about the relationship and might be stringing you along.

17. He keeps his dating profile active

In today’s digital age, many people use dating apps and websites. If you’ve noticed that he still maintains an active online dating profile, it may indicate that he’s not fully committed to you. 

If the guy is on dating platforms when he is in an exclusive relationship, it may suggest he’s keeping his options open and might be stringing you along.

7 things you can do when he’s stringing you along

Dealing with someone who is stringing you along can be emotionally taxing, but you don’t have to remain in that uncertain space. Here are a few things you can do when you find yourself in this situation:

• Reflect on your needs and wants: Take some time to reflect on what you truly want in a relationship. Consider your values, goals, and non-negotiables. This self-awareness can help you make informed decisions about the relationship.
• Communicate your expectations: Have an open and honest conversation with him about your expectations and what you want in the relationship. Express how his behavior is affecting you emotionally.
• Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries for yourself and communicate them to him. Tell him what you will tolerate and won’t accept in the relationship.
• Give him space: Sometimes, giving him space to think about his feelings and intentions can provide clarity. It may also allow you to see if he’s genuinely interested in pursuing a future with you.
• Focus on self-care: While dealing with the uncertainty of being strung along, prioritize self-care. Invest time in activities and relationships that bring you joy and fulfillment.
• Seek support: Talk to friends or a therapist about your feelings and experiences. A support system can provide valuable insights and emotional support during challenging times.
• Consider moving on: If, despite your efforts, he continues to string you along without a commitment or clear intentions, consider moving on from the relationship. Remember that everyone deserves someone who values and respects you.

5 ways to stop being strung along by a guy

If you’ve determined that the person you’re dating is indeed stringing you along, it’s time to take proactive measures to protect your emotional well-being and find a more fulfilling relationship. But, how to stop being strung along by a guy?

Here are some effective ways to stop being strung along by a guy:

1. Trust your instincts

Trust your instincts and intuition. If something doesn’t feel right or you constantly question the guy’s intentions, it can be a sign that the relationship may not be healthy. 

Your gut feeling may serve as an invaluable guide, offering subtle cues that can help you make informed decisions about the direction of the relationship.

2. Have a direct conversation

Initiate an honest and direct conversation with him about your concerns. Ask him to clarify his intentions and whether he sees a future with you. Pay attention to his response and actions afterward. 

Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, and this conversation can provide vital insights into whether you share the same vision for your future together.

3. Set a deadline

If he’s unable or unwilling to commit after a reasonable period, set a deadline for when you expect clarity in the relationship. This can help prevent you from being strung along indefinitely. 

It’s a healthy boundary that can allow you to protect your emotional well-being and ensure that you both have a clear timeframe to make decisions about the future of the relationship.

Watch Stephan Labossiere, a relationship coach, as he talks about the importance of giving a man a deadline in a relationship in this video:

4. Stay open to other options

While you’re working on the current relationship, remain open to meeting new people and exploring other potential connections. This doesn’t mean you must immediately jump into a new relationship, but keeping your options open can empower you.

5. Prioritize your well-being

Your emotional well-being should always come first. If the relationship is causing you more stress and anxiety than happiness, it may be time to walk away. Remember that you deserve a partner willing to commit and invest in a meaningful relationship.

Commonly asked questions

Navigating the complexities of relationships can lead to numerous questions and uncertainties. Here, we have addressed some common queries regarding whether you’re being strung along and how to handle such situations.

• Is he stringing me along, or does he like me?

In the early stages of a relationship, it can be challenging to discern whether someone is genuinely interested or just stringing you along. To gauge the guy’s intentions, observe his actions and communication. Consistency, commitment, and open conversations can help you determine if his feelings are sincere.

• What does stringing along a girl mean?

“Stringing along” means keeping someone in a state of uncertainty or ambiguity in a romantic relationship. It involves giving mixed signals or false hope without a genuine commitment. This behavior can lead to emotional confusion and hurt feelings, as one person remains unsure about the other’s intentions.

“Why is he stringing me along?” might be a question you ask yourself if you’re in such a situation. It’s essential to understand the dynamics of the relationship and seek clarity to avoid emotional distress.

• Is it possible to turn a situation of being strung along into a healthy relationship?

While it’s possible to address being strung along, transforming it into a healthy relationship depends on individuals’ willingness to communicate openly and commit. Honest conversations, setting clear expectations, and respecting boundaries are crucial steps in transitioning from uncertainty to a fulfilling relationship.

• How can I set boundaries to avoid being strung along in a relationship?

Setting boundaries is essential in any relationship. To avoid being strung along, communicate your expectations, establish limits on what you will tolerate, and be willing to enforce these boundaries. Consistency and self-respect are key to maintaining healthy boundaries that promote mutual respect.

• Is he stringing me along or taking it slow?

Distinguishing between someone who’s stringing you along and someone who’s genuinely taking things slow can be challenging. Evaluate the consistency of the guy’s actions and communication.

Taking it slow usually involves a clear intention to build a meaningful connection, whereas stringing along lacks commitment and sincerity. Open dialogue can clarify the guy’s intentions.

In summary

When you’re in a relationship and wondering, “Is he taking it slow or stringing me along?” it can be an emotionally exhausting experience. If you’re not careful, it might affect your mental health. 

Please pay close attention to the signs he’s stringing you along. When you identify them, you can use the suggestions from this article to find a lasting solution.

Then again, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. Sometimes, all you may need is professional guidance. You might seldom go wrong when you have your therapist in your corner, guiding you every step of the way.