Most of us experience some form of infatuation during our lives, whether we crushed over the new boy at school or simply had an obsession with a hot celebrity.
While some degree of infatuation may be normal, sometimes, we become so extremely infatuated that we cannot focus on anything else but the source of our infatuation. When you feel overwhelmed, it is time for you to figure out how to get over infatuation.
Maybe you’re experiencing signs of infatuation with someone you have a crush on, or perhaps you’re in a new relationship and are so infatuated that you have neglected other areas of life. You can learn about infatuation and how to get over it, with tips mentioned here.
Before moving into strategies for dealing with infatuation, it is helpful to have an infatuation definition in mind.
Infatuation can be defined as passionate love or overwhelming feelings of love for another person. In the initial stages of a relationship, people may experience some degree of infatuated love. They are so enamored with their new partner that they think about them constantly and experience intense emotions toward that person.
One thing to keep in mind about being infatuated with someone is that it comes with both positive and negative emotions.
We probably think about the positive aspects of infatuation more so than the negatives. Still, someone looking for advice on how to stop infatuation is probably all too familiar with the dark side of infatuation.
The lows of infatuation can include anxiety and nervousness. When you have an intense infatuation with someone, you can have significant anxiety as you wonder whether they feel the same way about you.
You may be nervous in their presence because you desperately want them to like you. You might find yourself anxiously awaiting a return text from them or some other indication that they are just as interested in you as you are them.
On the other hand, the highs of infatuation include feelings of intense euphoria. The strong attraction and obsession you feel for the object of your infatuation can leave you delighted, as your brain is flooded with the feel-good chemical dopamine in response to them.
So, what causes infatuation? As noted above, in the early stages of romance, our brains are flooded with the brain’s chemical dopamine, which creates feelings of intense pleasure.
The flooding of dopamine leads to feelings of euphoria that make us crazy for the object of our infatuation. In this sense, the cause of infatuation is a chemical or physiological reaction in the body.
Beyond a chemical reaction, you may become infatuated for the following reasons:
You see a person as perfect before you even get to know them.
You are addicted to romance and the thought of falling in love.
If you think you might have developed an intense infatuation for someone, consider the signs below, which can point toward infatuated love:
1. You think of them nonstop
Being infatuated with someone means that they’re always on your mind. You may find that thoughts of them creep into your head, even when you’re doing something else, such as working or spending time with friends, and you can’t help but think about them.
2. You’re overly jealous
Whether you’re actually in a relationship with the person you’re infatuated with or simply crushing on them, you’ll notice that you start to become extremely jealous.
If they so much as look at another member of the opposite sex, you’ll feel enraged with jealousy. Or, if they don’t text you back immediately, you’ll worry that they’re not into you.
3. You have mood swings
Infatuation comes with highs and lows, so you may find that your mood shifts rapidly when you’re feeling infatuated with someone.
When they seem to be showing you positive attention, you’ll feel elated. On the other hand, when they ignore you or otherwise don’t reciprocate your feelings, you’ll feel anxious and depressed.
When you’re infatuated with someone, you wear rose-colored glasses. You’ll fail to see their flaws and instead view them as a perfect person, and you’ll obsess over how wonderful they are.
If they show imperfections or red flags, you’ll ignore them because you’re so convinced they can do no wrong.
5. You’re not functioning well
A strong infatuation can get in the way of living life to the fullest in other areas. You may make so many sacrifices for the object of your infatuation that others things start to fall by the wayside.
You may find that you’re too distracted to do your best at work or school, and you may be neglecting your friendships. You may even be worn out from the highs and lows of infatuation and your constant obsessive thoughts of the other person.
When two people are in love and get to know each other, excitement is high, hormones are raging, and life seems good. You may have a passionate desire for your new partner and want to be close to them at all times.
On the other hand, an infatuation that interferes with happiness in other areas is not necessarily normal. If you become obsessed and deeply infatuated with every new partner or crush, you may struggle with a romance addiction.
You like the excitement of the chase, and you view infatuation as true love when in reality, healthy, lasting love is characterized by a strong bond and feelings of happiness, calmness, and security.
How long does it take to overcome infatuation?
If you’re looking for tips for how to stop infatuation, you might be wondering how long it will take to move past your feelings.
Suppose you’re in the early stages of a relationship and experiencing the passion and intensity of falling in love. In that case, you will naturally settle into a stable relationship after an extended period of time together.
On the other hand, if you have an infatuation surrounding a crush and can’t seem to get over it, it will vary the length of time it takes to move on.
If you’re willing to make the effort to learn how to stop being infatuated with someone, you may be able to move on relatively quickly.
The good news is that infatuation doesn’t last forever. Eventually, reality sets in, and you either realize that the infatuation isn’t healthy, or you settle down if you’re in a committed relationship. You feel comfortable as a deep bond forms between you and your significant other.
15 psychological tricks to get over infatuation
If you are in a healthy relationship, infatuation will naturally pass as you and your significant other become more comfortable with each other and the newness of the relationship fades away.
On the other hand, infatuation isn’t always healthy. If your relationship is toxic, or if you’re longing for someone who doesn’t feel the same about you, infatuation can take over your life.
Unhealthy infatuation can lead you to spend most of your time obsessing over the other person.
Thoughts of them constantly creep into your mind, and the infatuation can take over your entire life. You may have difficulty sleeping, and you’ll find that you cannot focus on anything but the other person.
If things have reached an unhealthy point, the 15 tips below can help you learn how to get over infatuation:
1. Actually talk to them
When you’re infatuated with someone, you’ll view them as a perfect, majestical person, even if you don’t know much about them. In learning how to get over infatuation
Coming to view them as human beings who have both strengths and flaws will give you a more balanced perspective. Once you actually talk to your crush, you’ll learn that they weren’t as perfect as you thought.
2. Avoid things you associate with them
If you want to make an effort at getting over infatuation truly, you need to stop reminding yourself of your crush.
Please don’t go to their favorite hangout or scroll through their social media profile. Any sight or reminder of them will quickly lead you back to obsessing about them.
3. Focus on something else
Infatuation can take over your entire life, but you can make a conscious effort to focus on something else. Set a new goal and work toward achieving it when trying to learn how to get over infatuation.
When you’re focused on your aspirations, you’ll have less time to obsess about your crush. When you meet your goals and start making forward progress in life, you may be so happy with life that you won’t even think of your crush any longer.
4. Reach out to friends
When you have decided to figure out how to end an infatuation, you will benefit from the support of friends.
Tell them that you’re trying to move on from your crush, so they will understand what you’re going through and be there to support you.
5. Distract yourself with a hobby
Being infatuated with someone can consume all of your time, so learning how to get over infatuation requires filling your time with something else.
Now is the time to keep yourself busy with your hobbies or commit to taking that cooking class or joining that gym.
6. Practice self-care
The dark side of infatuation can take its toll on you. You may feel anxious, depressed, or downright rejected. Be kind to yourself, and take time for self-care when trying to learn how to get over infatuation.
Set aside time for things you enjoy, and make an effort to care for yourself with healthy foods, regular exercise, and plenty of rest.
It may seem silly, but your obsessive thoughts over your crush can interfere with your sleep when you develop an infatuation.
You may lie awake at night thinking of them and wondering how they feel about you, leaving you exhausted in the morning. Instead of falling victim to this, create a calming nighttime routine.
Take a hot bath, and then unwind with some stretching or relaxing medication to calm the body for sleep. These are some things you can do to learn how to get over infatuation.
To learn more about the anatomy of a good bedtime routine, watch this video:
8. Be honest with them
Not knowing whether or not your crush feels the same way about you can make your feelings of infatuation stronger. Instead of remaining in a state of uncertainty, share your feelings with them.
Ultimately, the worst thing that can happen is they will reject you. Once the uncertainty passes and you realize that they aren’t into you the way you’re into them, the infatuation may pass rather quickly.
The highs of infatuation can lead to euphoria, but the longing and obsession you feel toward your crush can lead to anxiety and sleeplessness.
If your crush rejects you, you may be left with feelings of despair, and you might even find that you have physical symptoms like chest pains.
Take the time to list the negative side of your infatuation, and you’ll likely be more ready to move on.
10. Get real about their flaws
This will require you to take a step back and be honest with yourself, but accepting the reality that your crush has flaws can help you move past infatuation.
If you’re caught up in your belief that the object of your infatuation is perfect, remind yourself that everyone has flaws.
You may have to ask for your friends’ perspectives to help you recognize flaws in your crush, but becoming aware of them can play an important role in dealing with infatuation.
11. Stop the cycle
During a stage of infatuation, your thoughts will seem as if they are out of control. If you want to learn how to get over infatuation, you have to figure out a way to stop the cycle of obsessive thoughts.
As soon as you notice yourself thinking of your crush, please find a way to stop the thought process before going down a rabbit trail of obsessing over them.
You might recite a mantra to yourself, such as, “You have better things to think about!” Or, as soon as your thoughts turn to your crush, do something to distract yourself, like texting a friend, going for a walk, or turning on your favorite TV show.
12. Read some books
Picking up a good book about the ins and outs of infatuation can be helpful. Not only will you learn just how the process of infatuation works, but reading will also serve as a form of distraction to take your mind off of your crush.
13. Consider an alternative perspective
The obsession and euphoria that come along with infatuation can lead you to believe that this person is your perfect partner and that you’re involved in a fairytale love story. If this is the narrative you’ve convinced yourself is true, now is the time to rewrite the story.
Consider the fact that this is just a phase, and it’s not some indication of a once-in-a-lifetime romance.
14. Accept rejection
Sometimes rejection happens, but we can get through it. If your crush rarely talks to you or ignores your attempts to connect, the chances are that they aren’t interested; instead of holding out hope that they will fall for you, accept their silence as rejection, so you can begin moving on.
If you have ongoing issues with infatuation and you can’t find ways to deal with them on your own, it might be time to seek out professional intervention.
A therapist can help you process your emotions and find different ways of thinking, so you are not experiencing obsessive thoughts and irrational beliefs, such as the belief that your crush is your soulmate.
A therapist can also help you uncover any psychological issues that may contribute to your ongoing infatuations.
Being extremely infatuated with another person may feel good at times, but the dark side of infatuation cannot be ignored.
Being infatuated with someone can interfere with your life and lead to feelings of depression and anxiety. Fortunately, you can learn how to get over infatuation and enjoy life again.
Psychological strategies like focusing your attention elsewhere, reaching out to supportive friends, and changing your viewpoint to be more realistic can all help you overcome an infatuation. Working with a therapist is a wise option if these strategies are not effective.
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Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation for a Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology. She has worked in the social work field for 8 years and is currently a professor at Mount Vernon Nazarene University. She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness.
Licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and school social worker through Ohio Department of Education as well as a personal trainer through American Council on Exercise.