Mutual Breakup: Reasons and How to Recognize the Signs

Mutual breakups can be disturbing, and that’s putting it mildly. 

That all-important conversation can be dreadful. Then again, it is usually followed by weeks (and maybe, months) of intense pain, longing, and the desire to fall back into the arms of your ex. 

As you part ways, you may be able to tell that they hate doing this as much as you do. If left to themselves, they would love to sit back and work things out. 

However, breaking up mutually goes beyond the feelings. You have to do what is right for both of you; which will make you retain your peace and mental health. 

In this article, we will walk you through understanding what a mutual breakup is. You will also learn how to move on after a mutual breakup. 

First things first… 

What is a mutual breakup?

A mutual breakup meaning one in which both parties in a relationship decide to go their separate ways can tend to be just as difficult as other forms of breakups.

As opposed to the more common forms of breakup where one person is left in the dark until the other person wakes up one day and serves them the breakup tea, mutual breakups are consensual decisions taken by both parties in a relationship. 

Interestingly, mutual breakups may be a bit more common than you may have thought. 

Documented surveys have shown that in America, there are nearly 2400 divorces and breakups every single day. Although this is a blanket figure that encompasses both mutual and non-mutual separations, it is safe to say that mutual breakups may be a bit more common than you have realized. 

Usually, couples resort to mutually beneficial breakups when they have tried their hands on everything they thought would help them. As a last resort, they decide to go their separate ways. 

Some might choose to stay friends after a mutual breakup while the others may decide that it is best that they split for good and never contact each other again. Still, mutual breakups tend to hurt like hell in most cases.

Why do mutual breakups seem to be so hard?

Mutual nor not, breakups are horrible. 

Letting go of the one you have loved for so long can be akin to placing a sharp knife in the center of your jugular and slicing yourself. It feels like torture. 

You don’t just wake up and switch off your emotions like that, especially after you have spent a long time learning to love your partner. 

People can come out of a mutual breakup and find themselves slipping out of depression almost immediately. Others, however, would have to exert a lot of mental pressure and discipline before they can get their lives back together.

Why are mutual breakups so hard exactly? Here are a couple of reasons why:

1. It shatters your plans 

Most times, when you get into a committed relationship with someone, you may see yourself being with them for a long time. Depending on how much of a hopeless romantic you are, you may even find yourself daydreaming about settling down and beginning a family with them. 

This can cause you to start making any plans with them in the picture. When the mutual breakup happens, it unravels your plans and can leave you feeling lost for a long time. 

Because how do you even start readapting all the plans you have made?

2. You’ll miss your partner 

This is one of the main reasons your breakups are terrible, even if it is a mutual breakup. When you think about all the good times you shared and the magical memories you made, you may be tempted to go against your better judgment and stay put in the relationship. 

There’ll be days when you’ll miss them; their beautiful smile, the way they take up space in your life, and the beauty they brought to the relationship. It’s not unheard of for a couple to go through a mutual breakup but still love each other. 

Related Reading:  15 Ways on How to Stop Missing Someone

5 signs your relationship is heading towards a mutual breakup

While it may be nice to declare that the mutual breakup was sudden, that may not be an accurate representation of what happened. Before any kind of breakup, there are telltale signs that show that the relationship is headed for the rocks. 

Here’s how to know beforehand that there’s a mutual breakup on its way.

1. You love your partner, but a part of you knows that it isn’t working out 

This realization usually takes a lot of time to come. At first, you believe that if you can just try a bit harder – love them harder, be there for them whenever they want, and be a supportive partner – everything will work out fine. 

However, a time comes when you just know that not minding how hard you try, this relationship isn’t going to work out.

2. Your relationship has lost the initial spark 

At first, you were inseparable. You did everything together and enjoyed the little things of life like lovers should. However, a time came when the spark just vanished, and all your mutual efforts to return to the way you used to be proven abortive. A mutual break up because of the long distance that leads to the spark fizzling out is also a common occurrence. 

When it feels like your chemistry has gone out the door and nothing you do to bring it back is working, it could be a sign that a mutual breakup is around the corner.

Related Reading:  What to Do When It Feels Like the Spark Is Gone

3. As much as you try to avoid it, you can’t seem to the top fighting 

If you have found yourself fighting more and more with your partner, no matter how hard you tried to stop it, it could be because a mutual breakup is inevitable. 

Lack of effective communication is one of the common reasons why couples break up and it is also what happens when couples find themselves yelling at each other and fighting, more than they sit down and talk things through like rational adults.

4. Being friends with them is more important than the romantic relationship 

This is another major reason why people choose the mutual breakup option. When you want to be friends with your partner and end the romantic relationship (and they feel the same way), it feels right to call the relationship off and focus on staying as platonic friends. It’s more common than you think for a couple to go through a mutual break up and stay friends.

For this to work, though, both of you have to be on the same page concerning the direction your relationship is headed toward.

5. You may have started catching feelings for someone else 

This is directly traceable to the fact that the spark in the relationship has gone out the door. 

Most times, you may be surprised to discover that your partner either knows that you are no longer interested in them or that they have also found someone else they would like to pursue something with. 

Related Reading: Tips to Reignite the Romantic Spark in your Relationship 

10 reasons for a mutual breakup

These are some of the most common reasons for a mutual breakup.

1. You have gotten to the end of the road 

When you have reached the point where you know that the relationship is over, there’s almost no need to keep pushing things anymore. This is one of the most common reasons why couples can both decide to end the relationship and move on with their lives. 

This is because it makes almost no sense to keep running after someone in whom you have lost interest. Someone who you believe that you have gotten to the end of your romantic relationship with. 

 Related Reading: 15 Ways of How to End a Relationship Without Regrets

2. You have started noticing someone else 

At the start of your relationship, you had a good case of tunnel vision. As far as relationships and love were concerned, you had the hots for only your partner and no one else. 

However, when you suddenly start desiring to be with someone else, it could be a sign that you should opt-in for a mutual breakup although you still love each other. 

3. Your partner is also getting hooked on someone else 

In addition to wanting to be with someone else, noticing that your partner is also beginning to desire another person could also be a sign that you should call the relationship off and give yourselves the space to go for what your hearts truly want.    

4. Infidelity

According to relationship breakup statistics published in the Journal of Marriage and Divorce, 70% of Americans have indulged in some sort of infidelity at some moment during their marriage. Thus, it is no surprise that many relationships fail due to betrayal and breach of trust. 

Related Reading:  15 Most Common Causes of Infidelity in Relationships

5. Abuse or toxic behavior

Physically or emotionally abusive behavior is a clear indication that you should end a relationship. Physical violence, intimidation, insults, and other types of abuse should not be tolerated in any relationship.

6. One of you has become too jealous

Excessive jealousy can be exhausting and contribute to the breakdown of relationships. If you have to continually tell your lover where you are or allow them access to your apps, it is time to reconsider your relationship.

Working through jealousy and insecurities is a highly prized skill that will serve you well. Know how to handle jealousy in the relationship:

7. You are not being helpful

If you are unable to be there for your other half, you are signaling that the relationship is not worth your time and effort and that it may be time to end it. If you want to retain your connection, you must try to be supportive.

8. Misdirected anger and frustration

Some of us may have had a hard day at work and returned home in a foul mood. This may appear unavoidable in some cases. But. This isn’t fair, and it will harm your relationship. If this keeps going, your relationship will surely go down.

Related Reading:  5 Valuable Tips on Managing Anger in Relationships

9. A lack of communication in a relationship

Silence is never sweet in a marriage. Communication is the most vital aspect of any relationship; hence you cannot have a healthy bond if you do not communicate well.

10. You finally decide you need to be alone right now

Not all relationships fail because of something terrible. Sometimes, you may find yourself extending your relationship simply because you don’t want to be out alone. When this happens, you should consider ending the relationship until you can be in it for a valid reason.

Importance of a no contact rule after you had a mutual breakup

The post mutual breakup no contact rule is quite simple. It simply means that you will not communicate with your prior romantic partner for a specific period. However, it appears that some people struggle to do it and understand its importance.

Rejection and desperation may push you to do foolish things like calling your ex and asking her to take you back. Worse, they could have moved on with their life and found another lover. Thinking about these things only adds to your suffering.

However, by contacting your ex, you are not only exposing yourself to terrible agony, but you are also adding fuel to the fire of your need for reconciliation. It will eventually hinder your emotional recovery and threaten future relationships.

Of course, if you two have children together, you will have to communicate with each other. While this type of talk is unavoidable, you should work hard to keep it to a minimum.

How do you get over a mutual breakup?

A breakup can cause sickness, racing thoughts, and maybe restlessness. Even the most ambitious and dedicated people struggle to get over a breakup and go on with their lives. But it’s important to know how to get over a mutual breakup.

You may have felt unhappy and even desperate, especially if you were emotionally attached to the person. Sometimes, you might end up feeling lost and have no idea what to do after a mutual breakup. However, once these breakdown feelings have passed, you must redirect your attention to more positive thoughts that will help you move on. 

Learning about self-love can be beneficial in the process. You will have complete control over your emotions once you recognize you are responsible for your own choices and actions, and you will no longer be vulnerable to your previous partner.

Furthermore, reminding yourself of your happiness can also be therapeutic. Being cheerful can help you move forward in a better way, and even pretending to smile can offer you the contentment you desire.

Final thoughts

The end of a relationship is always a difficult process. Even a mutual breakup might be even more perplexing for you. It is never simple to let go of your plans as well as the person with whom you are breaking up.

The important thing is to know that you made the right decision for both your partner and yourself. Moving on is considerably easier and building a brighter future is far easier if you have that peace of mind.