10 Signs Your Husband Is a Freeloader

No one wants to feel used in a relationship, but when your husband is a freeloader, you’re sure to feel taken advantage of in your marriage. Below, learn about the psychology of a freeloader, as well as signs that you’re dealing with one. 

What is a freeloading husband?

So, what is a freeloader? In marriage, this is a person who does not contribute fairly to the financial health of the relationship. This can mean they expect you to foot all the bills, or at the very least, they take advantage of you financially. 

A freeloading husband may expect that you will quite literally give them a free ride in life, or they will contribute very little to the relationship financially. In some cases, the freeloader personality is associated with narcissistic personality disorder, as people with this condition will be willing to take advantage of others for their gain.

The bottom line is that when your husband is a freeloader, he will demand that you provide for him while offering nothing in return. The relationship is entirely one-sided, and you feel like he’s manipulating you for money. 

10 signs your husband is a freeloader

Being married to or in a relationship with a freeloader can be quite stressful, so it’s helpful to be aware of freeloader characteristics. Once you recognize these traits, you can take steps to protect yourself. 

Consider the 10 signs of a freeloader personality below.

1. Refusal to share bills

As society becomes more modern, it’s not unusual for men and women to split expenses, in contrast to earlier eras when men were the breadwinners, and women stayed at home.

While it may be acceptable for couples to split the bills, a freeloading husband will take this to the extreme. Instead of splitting the bills equally or contributing a fair amount, the freeloader husband will entirely refuse to share bills. 

Related Reading: Sharing Finances in a Marriage: Advice That Will Help You Succeed

2. He talked about moving in together when you barely knew each other

A freeloader personality doesn’t feel the need to get to know someone before getting married, especially if marriage means free housing. If your husband rushed to get married and move in together at the start of the relationship, this is one of the top signs of a freeloader. 

A freeloading husband doesn’t want the responsibility of paying for housing on his own, so he’ll gladly commit to marriage if it puts a roof over his head.

3. He never remembers his wallet

Sometimes, a freeloader doesn’t want to admit they’re taking advantage of you financially. Instead of admitting that they expect you to pay for everything, they’ll simply leave their wallet behind, so when it comes time to pay, they can’t.

The experience might go like this: you head out to date night at your favorite local restaurant, and when the bill comes, your husband states, “Oh shoot! I forgot my wallet at home.” Anyone can forget their wallet once, but when it becomes a pattern, you’re likely dealing with a freeloader.

4. He always has some sort of sob story

Whether it’s a broken down car, a loss of income, or losing his job, the freeloading husband will always have some sort of sob story to justify why he needs help with money.

The goal here is to get you to feel sorry for him so that you’ll be willing to step in and help.

5. He expects you to do everything

Sometimes, freeloading isn’t just about money; it can also be about taking care of him. A freeloading husband may refuse to help with anything around the house.

On top of expecting you to pay bills, he’ll want you to do all of the cooking, make sure the kids are taken care of, and clean up after him. When your husband is a freeloader. you’ll find that you do most of the work. 

6. He makes promises to pay you back, but he never does

In the mind of a freeloader, keeping promises isn’t necessary. This means a freeloader may promise they’ll pay you back if you lend them a couple hundred dollars here or there, but they never follow through.

This can become a pattern of your husband promising to repay you but never doing so. After the second or third time, it becomes clear that he didn’t forget; it’s just part of who he is. 

7. He expects a lavish lifestyle

The freeloading type, paradoxically, won’t accept an average lifestyle. He deserves all of the finest things.

While you’re slaving away at work, he’ll enjoy expensive new shoes or driving around in the sports car you paid for. He’ll never be satisfied with what he has because as soon as he gets one fancy toy, he’s pining after the next one.

Related Reading: Postnatal Infant Health– Is Maternal Lifestyle Related to It?

8. He’s always blaming someone else for his financial issues

The thing about freeloaders is that they’re quite immature, and they won’t take responsibility for their faults. They’re never to blame when they lose a job or forget to pay a bill.

It’s their boss’ fault for being too demanding, or it’s the fault of the bank for never sending a bill. 

9.He’s lazy

The freeloader personality expects other people to take care of them, and it’s because they’re too lazy to take care of themselves. If your husband is a freeloader, he will have no problem with plopping in front of the TV or a video game console while you clean up after him, take care of the kids, or run errands.

If you dare to point out that he doesn’t help around the house, he’ll make you feel bad for pointing out this shortcoming. He may call you a nag, or tell you that a real woman would play her role and care for him.

Related Reading: 5 Signs of a Lazy Husband and How to Deal With Him

10.He’s unemployed

Another sign your husband is a freeloader is that he’s chronically unemployed. This doesn’t mean that he got laid off during an economic downturn and is having a hard time finding a new job; it means he’s jobless and seems to make no effort to find employment. 

A freeloader will be just fine staying at home while you go to work every day, and he will have excuses for why he can’t find a job. He may blame the economy, the job market, or unfair treatment for why he can’t find a job when he is quite content having you carry the financial load of the family on your own.

When you have a freeloading husband, you may feel as if you are being used. View the following video for tips:

How to deal with freeloaders in marriage: 5 ways 

So, what do you do when you realize your husband is a freeloader? Consider the following 5 strategies:

1. Set firm boundaries

As long as you’re putting up with freeloader behavior, it will continue, so you’ll have to set firm boundaries and stick to them. This might mean telling your husband that you’re not going to pay for dinner every time you go out, and if he won’t ever pay, you’re simply not going. 

Related Reading: 15 Must-Have Healthy Boundaries In Marriage

2. Get comfortable with saying no

Freeloaders are great at demanding fancy things or special treatment but giving nothing in return. You must become comfortable with telling your husband no to combat this behavior. If he asks for a fancy new car or demands an expensive gift, saying no is okay. Calmly explain that what he’s asking for isn’t in your budget, but he’s welcome to come up with the funds for the item himself. 

3. Stop worrying about putting him in his place

It’s natural to want to avoid hurting someone’s feelings, but when it comes to a freeloading husband, don’t worry about shaming him or being too harsh. In fact, being too nice has probably gotten you into a predicament with this freeloader in the first place.

If you have to be firm about the fact that he’s failing to pull his weight, do so. Even if he acts offended, you have every right to stand up for yourself. 

4. Set some expectations

Putting an end to freeloading behavior means setting expectations. Don’t be afraid to request that your husband get a job and contribute a certain amount each month to family finances. 

You can expect some pushback because this change will make him uncomfortable, but you don’t have to give in to him. If he’s not willing to do his fair share, this probably isn’t a marriage you want to be a part of in the first place.

5. End the marriage

Ultimately, if a freeloading husband isn’t doing his part and is not willing to change, you may have to end the marriage. There are plenty of men who are willing to be equal partners with their wives and contribute their fair share to the household.

If your husband is taking advantage of you simply because you’ll pay the bills and provide a place to live, this isn’t the love that you deserve in your life.

Related Reading: Ending a Marriage: When Is the Right Time to Call It Quits?

FAQs

Let’s discuss some of the most asked questions related to a freeloader husband. 

• How do you break up with a freeloader?

The best way to break up with a freeload is to be firm and straightforward. Please don’t give him any opportunity to beg for forgiveness or manipulate you. Tell him, “This relationship isn’t meeting my needs. You take advantage of me, and it’s not fair. I am ending things.”

He may try to sell you a sob story or promise to change, but if freeloading has become a pattern, change is unlikely. You may have to evict him or hire legal representation to end the marriage. 

• How do I get rid of freeloading family members?

If family members are taking advantage of you financially, you simply have to put your foot down. As long as you offer them money or a place to stay, they will continue to take advantage of you. 

Getting rid of them will require saying no and setting firm boundaries. 

Final thoughts 

When you notice signs of a freeloader in your husband, you probably feel quite hurt. After all, it seems like he’s taken advantage of you to get what he wants, and he doesn’t really care for you.

If freeloading behavior from your husband has become a pattern, sit down with him and have an honest discussion about his behavior being unfair to you. He will try to change if he cares for you and the relationship. 

If he doesn’t want to change, he doesn’t care about the relationship and is simply using you as a source of financial support.

You may benefit from seeking relationship counseling to overcome the challenges of a freeloading husband. This is a safe setting for managing conflict and developing healthier communication skills, and it may save your marriage. 

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Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz Licensed Clinical Social Worker

Jenni Jacobsen is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she is in the process of completing her dissertation for a Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology. She has worked in the social work field for 8 years and is currently a professor at Mount... Read more Vernon Nazarene University. She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness.   Licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and school social worker through Ohio Department of Education as well as a personal trainer through American Council on Exercise. Read less

(Jennifer Jacobsen is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Ashland)