25+ Key Tips to Overcome Conflict Avoidance in Relationships

Relationships thrive on honesty, communication, and trust… but let’s be real, disagreements are bound to happen! Still, many people struggle with opening up when something feels wrong, choosing silence over speaking from the heart.

At first, it might feel easier—no raised voices, no tension, no risks—but over time, unspoken feelings tend to build up. That’s when little issues can quietly grow into walls between two people who care about each other deeply.

This is where conflict avoidance shows up, often disguised as “keeping the peace.” In reality, it leaves partners feeling distant, misunderstood, or even unloved. Facing discomfort with compassion can turn scary conversations into moments of healing, closeness, and lasting understanding.

What is conflict avoidance in relationships?

Conflict avoidance is best described as a fear of conflict. People with this conflict management style are often pleasers who want to be liked and fear upsetting others.

To maintain harmony, they may:

• Stay silent when they’re upset or have unmet needs
• Deny that a problem exists, even when it’s obvious
• Endure unhappy or uncomfortable situations to avoid confrontation

At first, conflict-avoidant people may seem easy-going and pleasant. But over time, this avoidance comes with a cost:

• Issues remain unresolved and continue to resurface
• Emotional distance grows between partners
• Communication breaks down as problems are brushed aside

So, why does avoidance not work?

While it might reduce tension in the short term, conflict avoidance ultimately damages relationships. A healthier conflict style means:

• • Accepting responsibility for your role in the issue
  • Actively working toward solutions
  • Considering your partner’s point of view with openness

• Why do people avoid conflict in relationships?

Many people avoid conflict because they fear rejection, being misunderstood, or losing peace. Sometimes it’s easier to “keep quiet” than risk tension… but avoiding hard conversations often leaves feelings bottled up, which eventually creates even bigger challenges!

27 key tips to overcome conflict avoidance in relationships

Avoiding conflict might feel safe at first, but it often keeps love and understanding at a distance. Growth comes when we face things together, even if it feels scary.

Conflict doesn’t have to mean fighting; it can mean a deeper connection. With patience, practice, and care, you can slowly unlearn avoidance. Here are 27 gentle, practical tips to help you start!

1. Reframe the way you think about conflict

Conflict avoidance may result from how you perceive conflict in relationships. For instance, if you believe that all conflict is harmful or will lead to the breakdown of your relationship, you are more likely to avoid it.

Suppose you can reframe your thoughts on conflict and recognize it as a necessary part of compromising and building a successful relationship. 

In that case, you’ll be more comfortable approaching areas of concern or disagreement with your partner. Understand that conflict is normal; it’s necessary and can bring you closer to your partner when resolved in a healthy fashion.

Here’s what you can do:

• Write down one positive outcome from a past disagreement.
• Remind yourself that conflict is part of growth, not the end of love.
• Replace “conflict is scary” with “conflict helps us grow” as a mantra.

2. Recognize that it doesn’t have to be a fight

You may avoid confrontation because you imagine it will go poorly or lead to a full-blown fight, but this doesn’t have to be the case. You can express disagreement calmly and respectfully, to address an issue without starting a fight.

Remind yourself that healthy conflict is about problem-solving, not winning or losing. When you focus on listening as much as you share, the conversation often feels safer. Over time, these gentle discussions can actually strengthen trust and closeness.

Here’s what you can do:

• Practice lowering your tone and speaking slowly during disagreements.
• Choose a calm environment to bring up sensitive issues.
• Focus on one issue at a time instead of piling on complaints.

3. Address conflict early

When you have a fear of conflict, you likely tend to put off discussing disagreements until the issue has become so large that it is now an enormous fight rather than a minor disagreement that could have been resolved. 

According to licensed professional counselor, marriage mentor, and relationship coach Christiana Njoku,

The earlier you address and resolve conflict in your relationship, the better, because unaddressed conflict can ruin the relationship if care is not taken.

If you speak up as soon as you notice an issue, conflict will be easier to manage, and you’ll learn that it doesn’t have to be so scary.

Here’s what you can do:

• Speak up within 24–48 hours of noticing an issue.
• Use “I feel…” statements when something bothers you.
• Treat small disagreements as practice for handling bigger ones later.

4. Reflect on the consequences of avoiding conflict

You avoid conflict because you tend to become the conflict-avoidant partner, which serves to protect you from something you fear. 

This is the benefit of conflict avoidance for you, but what are the drawbacks?

Think about all the times you have experienced adverse outcomes from conflict management. Maybe you’ve developed a disdain for your significant other because you kept quiet about something that bothered you for so long.

Or, perhaps, you begin to feel anxious and depressed because you aren’t expressing your needs in your relationship.  Taking a look at the negative effects of conflict avoidance can motivate you to make some changes.

Here’s what you can do:

• Write a journal entry about how avoidance has hurt you in the past.
• Ask yourself: “What happens if I stay silent again?”
• Share one example with your partner to build awareness.

5. Explore the underlying reasons for conflict avoidance

Avoiding conflict usually means you have some underlying fear. It may be fear of losing your significant other, fear of expressing anger, or fear of being negatively judged. Explore these underlying fears. Once you acknowledge them, they’ll have less power over you.

Reflecting on where these fears come from—childhood, past relationships, or personal insecurities—can give you clarity. With awareness, you’ll find it easier to respond thoughtfully instead of shutting down when challenges appear.

Here’s what you can do:

• Write down your biggest fears about conflict.
• Trace each fear back to where it started (childhood, past partner, etc.).
• Remind yourself that fear loses power when named and acknowledged.

6. Practice talking about your emotions

Conflict is typically emotional. One or both people may feel sad, angry, or frustrated. For people who have a fear of confrontation in relationships, what they are fearful of is big emotions.

To become more comfortable with your emotions, practice discussing them daily. This can involve telling your partner things you’re grateful for, sharing how you felt about something that happened at work, or acknowledging your emotional reaction to a movie. 

When you practice discussing your emotions in daily life, you’ll be better prepared to do so during times of conflict.

Here’s what you can do:

• Share one small feeling with your partner daily.
• Keep a “feelings journal” to track your emotions.
• Try naming emotions out loud instead of suppressing them.

7. Learn about healthy conflict management

Suppose you’re someone who avoids conflict, is fearful of conflict, or can’t stop avoiding conflict. In that case, it might be that you have only experienced unhealthy conflict resolution styles or avoidant conflict styles. 

Maybe you grew up in a home where conflict meant yelling, screaming, and name-calling.

In this case, you can become more comfortable with conflict by learning how to resolve disagreements healthily.

Here’s what you can do:

• Read a book or article on effective conflict resolution.
• Watch a video or workshop about nonviolent communication.
• Observe couples who handle disagreements respectfully and take notes.

8. Understand that conflict avoidance creates superficial harmony

Below the surface, you are likely unhappy and internally suffering because you aren’t voicing your needs. With effective conflict resolution, you can learn to create true harmony in your relationships.

True harmony isn’t about pretending everything is fine; it’s about feeling safe to be real. When both partners share openly, even difficult moments can bring deeper understanding and lasting peace.

Here’s what you can do:

• Notice when you’re pretending “everything’s fine” but you feel upset.
• Talk with your partner about what real harmony means to you.
• Replace silence with one honest statement about how you feel.

9. Focus on solutions

When conflict is all about criticism and pointing fingers, it usually isn’t productive. Instead of applying conflict avoidance techniques, overcome your fear of conflict by approaching issues with solutions. 

For instance, if you’re upset that you and your partner aren’t spending much time together, you could suggest that the two of you plan a weekly date night or schedule one evening a week when you go for a walk or watch a show with phones turned off. 

Having solutions in mind prevents conflict from becoming a back-and-forth argument and can make disagreements less heated, so you’ll be more comfortable with conflict management.

Here’s what you can do:

• When raising an issue, pair it with one suggestion for improvement.
• Write down 2–3 possible solutions before bringing up a problem.
• Shift your mindset from “blame” to “problem-solving.”

10. Do a little planning

If you’d like to discuss a source of conflict with your partner, you can calm your nerves with some planning. Think about what you want to say and how you’ll start the conversation.

Practice starting the conversation in a non-confrontational manner, and make a list of points you’d like to cover during the discussion. Rehearsing your words can boost your confidence and reduce anxiety. Remind yourself that the goal isn’t perfection—it’s connection and understanding.

Here’s what you can do:

• Outline the three main points you want to cover.
• Practice your opening line in front of a mirror.
• Choose a good time when both of you are calm and available.

11. Have a weekly meeting with your partner

One way to prevent conflicts from festering and becoming unmanageable is to have a weekly “state of the union” meeting with your significant other.  This is when the two of you can sit down, discuss what is going well, and work through areas that need improvement.

This meeting can help you to tackle conflicts head-on in the early stages, so disagreements don’t lead to fights. Over time, you’ll learn that conflict management can be beneficial and enjoyable rather than frightening.

Here’s what you can do:

• Set aside 20–30 minutes weekly for an honest check-in.
• Start with positives before discussing challenges.
• End the meeting with one small agreement or action step.

12. Learn self-calming strategies

Confrontation avoidance can develop because of the body’s physiological reaction to stress. If you view confrontation in a negative light, you may be overly physiologically aroused during times of conflict. You may notice symptoms like a racing heart, shortness of breath, tightness in the chest, and sweaty palms.

Over time, this physiological reaction can cause you to avoid conflict altogether because you don’t want to experience these symptoms. 

To resolve this cause of conflict avoidance, learn some self-calming strategies. You might try meditation, practicing a positive mantra, praying, or using a grounding technique.

Here’s what you can do:

• Try a breathing exercise before starting a tough conversation.
• Repeat a calming phrase like “I am safe in this moment.”
• Take a short walk to release tension before talking.

13. List what you can learn from how to overcome conflict avoidance

Jumping into the unknown territory of learning to confront conflict can be scary, but when you think about the benefits, you’ll be more motivated to overcome your fear. Think about what you could gain: increased confidence, closeness with your partner, or more meaningful relationships.

You may also discover healthier ways to express emotions and set boundaries. Overcoming avoidance teaches resilience, patience, and empathy. In the long run, these skills help create stronger, more balanced connections in every area of life.

Here’s what you can do:

• Write down three personal benefits of facing conflict.
• Reflect on how your relationships could improve if you spoke up.
• Keep this list handy to motivate yourself when fear creeps in.

14. Think about the task at hand

If you view conflict as a task to be completed rather than something to be fearful of, you can remove some negative emotions from confrontation. 

For instance, instead of telling yourself that you’re going to argue about finances, tell yourself that you’re going to complete the task of creating a budget with your partner. 

Viewing conflict in a task-oriented light rather than as an emotional experience can relieve some of the pressure and alleviate fears.

Here’s what you can do:

• Break down conflicts into small, task-like steps.
• Write the task (e.g., “create budget”) instead of labeling it “argument.”
• Focus on completing one task rather than getting emotional.

15. Stop assuming the worst

In some cases, conflict avoidance occurs because we always assume the worst during disagreements. We imagine that approaching an issue with our partner will result in a terrible argument, a screaming match, or maybe even a relationship breakup.

Instead of assuming the worst, imagine the opposite.

What if addressing the issue leads to a productive conversation?

Considering the fact that conflict resolution may go well can decrease your anxiety.

Here’s what you can do:

• Challenge each negative thought with a positive alternative.
• Visualize a peaceful, productive outcome before starting a conversation.
• Remind yourself that not every disagreement ends in a breakup.

16. Take steps to increase your self-esteem

Conflict avoidance can sometimes occur because of low self-esteem. If you feel you don’t deserve to meet your needs, you won’t speak up about things that bother you.

Increasing your self-esteem by focusing on your strengths, practicing positive self-affirmations, and taking time for self-care can make you more confident about approaching conflict.

Here’s what you can do:

• Write a list of your strengths and revisit it daily.
• Practice saying one positive affirmation each morning.
• Celebrate small wins when you voice your needs.

17. Talk with someone supportive

If you’re struggling with conflict avoidance, talking with a trusted friend or relative can help you to process the issue. People who love you can provide support and a rational viewpoint, encouraging you to stand up for yourself.

Sharing your worries out loud can make them feel less overwhelming. A supportive listener might also suggest new ways to approach difficult conversations. Sometimes, simply knowing you’re not alone gives you the courage to take the next step.

Here’s what you can do:

• Call or meet a trusted friend before or after tough talks.
• Share your fears and let them offer perspective.
• Ask them to role-play a conflict conversation with you.

18. Exercise your right to take a break

Conflict can become extremely overwhelming for some people, so they avoid it altogether. Instead of conflict avoidance, get in the habit of taking a break when conflict becomes too much. 

If you’re in the midst of an argument and things get too heated, ask your partner if you can take a break and resume the conversation at a later time.

When you get into this habit, you will recognize that conflict doesn’t have to be scary because you can take time to cool down if it becomes too much to handle.

Here’s what you can do:

• Agree on a code word with your partner for “pause.”
• Take 10–15 minutes to calm down before resuming.
• Reassure your partner that you will return to the discussion.

19. Express your fear to your partner

If you’re struggling with a fear of confrontation, you do not have to suffer in silence. Opening up to your partner and being vulnerable can increase your intimacy and develop a stronger sense of understanding between the two of you. 

Sit down with your partner and explain that you have some difficulty with conflict and that you could use their help in managing disagreements. When your partner understands your fears, they will be more mindful of this during disagreements, which can help you overcome your anxiety.

Here’s what you can do:

• Tell your partner: “I get anxious during conflict, and I need patience.”
• Ask for their help in creating a calmer atmosphere.
• Thank them when they respond with understanding.

20. Practice setting boundaries

People-pleasing and conflict avoidance often go hand in hand. People-pleasing is also associated with poor boundaries, which involves sacrificing one’s own needs for the sake of others, having a hard time saying no, and exhausting oneself trying to make others happy.

If this sounds like you, you can develop greater confidence about conflict resolution by setting boundaries. 

Practice saying no to commitments that you aren’t excited about, and don’t be afraid to stand up for your needs or take time for yourself. Once these things become a habit, conflict avoidance may begin to take care of itself.

Here’s what you can do:

• Start with small “no’s” in daily life.
• Write down your non-negotiables in relationships.
• Remind yourself that saying no is an act of self-respect.

21. Assert yourself

Similar to setting boundaries, practicing assertive communication can help you resolve conflicts more effectively. Practice asserting yourself with statements such as “I feel…” or “My experience is that….” When you develop assertiveness skills, conflict resolution becomes easier and less anxiety-provoking.

It also shows your partner that you value honesty and respect. Over time, this creates a safer space where both of you can share openly without fear.

Here’s what you can do:

• Practice “I feel…” statements with safe, small topics.
• Stand tall and maintain gentle eye contact while speaking.
• Acknowledge your partner’s feelings without abandoning your own.

22. Remind yourself that you cannot control other people

Conflict avoiders may silence their opinions to please other people. They think that if they keep their opinions and needs to themselves, others will like them. 

Remember, you ultimately have no control over other people or how they feel about you. Someone who loves you will still love you, even if you voice your needs or express an opinion that is different from theirs.

Here’s what you can do:

• Write down what’s in your control versus what isn’t.
• Repeat the affirmation: “I am responsible for my voice, not their reaction.”
• Notice when you’re silencing yourself to please others.

23. Don’t assume you can read your partner’s mind

The avoidance conflict style is perpetuated when you feel that you can read your partner’s mind. You decide in advance that they will react poorly or disagree with you, so you avoid the conflict altogether.

Instead of trying to read your partner’s mind, be open to a discussion. You may even learn that your partner is on the same page as you.

Here’s what you can do:

• Replace assumptions with direct questions.
• Say, “Can I check if I understood you right?”
• Give your partner a chance to clarify instead of guessing.

24. Evaluate irrational thoughts

Avoiding conflict in relationships can be a result of irrational thinking patterns. For example, you may believe that conflict will immediately lead to a breakup or that you do not have the right to express yourself. Explore the thoughts you have about conflict.

What evidence do you have that these thoughts are valid?

Chances are that you are engaging in some irrational thought patterns that lead to fear of conflict.

Here’s what you can do:

• Write down your fears about conflict.
• Ask yourself: “What proof do I have that this will happen?”
• Replace catastrophic thoughts with more balanced alternatives.

25. Explore your childhood

Most of what we learn about relationships, love, and conflict comes from what we have observed growing up, by watching our parents and other important adults in our lives.  If we observe healthy conflict resolution, we’ll be more likely to practice effective conflict management as adults.

On the other hand, if we witness conflict avoidance or other forms of unhealthy conflict resolution, our ideas about conflict management will be skewed. We may feel that conflict should be avoided, or we may be fearful of conflict because we witnessed toxic levels of conflict growing up.

If this is the case, you might take some time to self-reflect on the root causes of your conflict avoidance. If it stems from childhood issues, you may be able to do some of your healing work. 

Or, you might benefit from reaching out to a counselor or therapist to help you overcome childhood issues that have led to fear of confrontation in relationships.

Here’s what you can do:

• Reflect on how your family handled conflict growing up.
• Journal about how those patterns affect you now.
• Consider therapy if past experiences still shape your fears.

26. Identify your communication style

Are you direct and to the point, or more indirect?

Understanding your own style and your partner’s can help you choose the best way to communicate during conflict. Just like fingerprints, everyone has a unique communication style.

Some people are comfortable with direct, blunt communication, while others prefer a more indirect approach. Recognizing your own style and your partner’s can help you navigate conflict more effectively.

For example, if your partner shuts down when you’re overly critical, try softening your approach and focusing on “I” statements.

Here’s what you can do:

• Take a communication style quiz or self-assessment.
• Ask your partner how they prefer to receive feedback.
• Adjust your approach to meet somewhere in the middle.

27. Validate your partner’s feelings

Even if you disagree with their perspective, acknowledge how they’re feeling. This shows empathy and creates a safe space for open communication. During conflict, it’s easy to get caught up in defending your own position. However, validating your partner’s feelings is crucial for building trust and moving forward.  

For example, instead of saying “You’re overreacting,” try saying “I understand you’re feeling frustrated, and I want to hear more about why.”

Here’s what you can do:

• Repeat back what your partner says in your own words.
• Say: “I hear you and I understand you feel ___.”
• Focus on empathy, not immediate problem-solving.

Watch this video featuring Dr. Caroline Fleck, a licensed psychologist, as she explains why validation is more important than love:

28. Celebrate small victories

Don’t wait for a complete conflict resolution to feel good. Acknowledge and celebrate even small steps towards healthier communication.

To further speak on this, Christiana says

If you notice little improvements in your conflict management journey with your partner, please go ahead and celebrate.

Overcoming conflict avoidance is a process, not an overnight fix. Celebrate small victories, like having a calm conversation about a disagreement or assertively expressing your feelings. These positive reinforcements will keep you motivated on your journey towards healthier conflict management.

Here’s what you can do:

• Acknowledge when you handle conflict better than before.
• Share appreciation with your partner after tough talks.
• Treat yourselves to something fun as a reward for progress.

29. Seek professional help if needed

If you’re struggling to overcome conflict avoidance or feel overwhelmed by communication issues in your relationship, consider seeking professional help. A therapist can provide guidance and tools to improve communication and build stronger connections.

There’s no shame in seeking professional help. Therapists are trained to help couples navigate conflict and develop healthier communication patterns. They can provide a safe space for open communication and equip you with tools to manage conflict effectively.

Here’s what you can do:

• Look for a couples therapist who specializes in communication.
• Attend at least one session to learn tools and strategies.
• Be open about your struggles instead of waiting until things worsen.

FAQs 

Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship. But what happens when we try to avoid them altogether? This FAQ dives into the world of conflict and how to navigate it in a healthy way.

• How does conflict avoidance affect relationships?

Imagine a pressure cooker – that’s what relationships can become when we avoid conflict. 

Unresolved issues bubble under the surface, leading to resentment, frustration, and even bigger blowups later.  Open communication is key to a healthy relationship; avoiding conflict can create a disconnect that weakens the bond.

• Can a relationship survive without conflict?

While constant fighting is definitely not healthy, a relationship without any conflict might seem too good to be true. 

It can actually be a sign of underlying issues or a lack of true intimacy.  Healthy couples are able to disagree respectfully, work through problems together, and emerge stronger on the other side.

• Is it healthy to avoid arguments in a relationship?

Absolutely not! 

Avoiding arguments might temporarily create a sense of peace, but it’s not a genuine connection. Bottling up feelings can lead to distance and resentment. 

Think of arguments as opportunities to connect and find solutions together. By communicating openly and honestly, you can build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship.

• How to deal with someone who avoids conflict?

When someone avoids tough conversations, patience and empathy matter most. Gently encourage openness, listen without judgment, and reassure them of safety.

Learning how to deal with someone who is conflict-avoidant means building trust, offering support, and creating space for honest communication.

Avoiding the avoidance

Conflict doesn’t have to tear two people apart; when handled with care, it can actually bring them closer. Sure, it takes courage to face uncomfortable feelings, but avoiding them only creates distance.

With small, steady steps, you can learn to share your truth, listen with compassion, and build deeper trust. Remember, conflict avoidance might feel like the safer option in the moment, but it doesn’t lead to lasting peace.

What truly strengthens love is honesty, patience, and the willingness to grow together—even when things get tough.