There will be times when people would suffer from emotional abuse from the very person they love and trust.
“It’s true. He keeps hurting me emotionally, but I can’t bring myself to do anything, let alone leave him.”
Relationships aren’t all about happy memories, funny experiences, and lovemaking. There will be trials, fights, and times when you hurt each other emotionally, but soon, you will admit who is wrong, say sorry, and be better.
But what if it becomes habitual?
What should I do when my boyfriend hurts me emotionally?
When someone keeps hurting you, what should you do? After all, you’re staying because you still love him, don’t you?
In these cases, usually, the victim is a product of what we call “conditioning.”
You believe you deserve this situation or that you don’t deserve to be treated better. You might become accustomed to the pattern of accepting emotional hurt, hoping after this, there will be days of bliss.
“Why does he keep hurting me? I don’t understand. We were so happy before.”
This is an excellent thing to consider. Narcissists indeed show their actual color a few months after the relationship starts. Still, there is also a chance of an underlying issue when a man hurts you emotionally.
Did you have any problems before? Did something happen that could have scared your relationship?
When a man is hurt emotionally, they might get back to you for it and do the same thing. In cases like this, therapy might be the best course of action.
4. Why are you staying in this relationship?
“My boyfriend hurts me emotionally, but I chose to stay because I love him.”
Answer these questions to realize why you choose to stay with someone who hurts you emotionally.
– Do you love him because you believe he could change, and your relationship will go back to how it used to be?
– Are you staying because you believe that he’s a good person and you can work this out?
– You’re still with him because you think he’s just telling the truth, and he wants you to change. Ultimately, do you believe that his harsh motivation by citing all your shortcomings is for your good, and you appreciate it?
“He gets off on hurting me, and I know deep inside that I should do something.”
That, right there, is your answer. You know this situation can still change. If you don’t talk to your boyfriend or partner, how would this person know that you’re not okay with what he’s doing?
Some people who experience emotional hurt become content with crying at night when everyone else is sleeping. If you won’t do something about it, how will it change?
How do I put an end to being emotionally hurt?
“He hurt my feelings, and I understand now. This needs to stop, but where do I start?”
Realizing that the emotional hurt your boyfriend is giving you does not love is the first start. Now that you know that this behavior is not healthy and could also be a sign of an abuser, it’s time to do something about it.
He keeps hurting me emotionally: 15 ways to handle it
Some people think that abuse only shows bruises and physical pain, but emotional abuse can be painful.
Sadly, many people close their eyes to emotional hurt and abuse. Victims of emotional abuse are rarely seen because they would rather hide in a corner and cry. Some would put on a fake smile and pretend they’re okay, but they are already broken deep inside.
What should you do when your partner keeps on hurting you emotionally?
One should remember that there are cases where emotional abuse is unintentional, intentional, a reaction, or a way to get attention.
“He keeps hurting me emotionally. I end up crying when he’s not home or when he’s sleeping.”
There’s a chance that your partner doesn’t know he’s already hurting you emotionally. Some people choose to hide the pain, but you don’t have to.
Communication is vital to any relationship, and we need to use this to fix the issue. Ask your partner and talk to him. Let it all out. Tell him what you feel, why you are hurting, and everything you want to say.
Don’t just cry before him, and he won’t understand that. Talk to him, and listen to him when it’s his time to talk.
2. Ask him what the reason behind his hurtful actions is
Don’t be afraid to have a heart-to-heart talk with your partner.
Sometimes, your partner may not be aware of the hurtful things he’s doing, but if he is, he could be honest and let you know what’s wrong.
If he isn’t able to answer you directly, at least this conversation will make him ponder about his actions that are hurting you.
3. If he cooperates, come up with an action plan together
If you both acknowledge that there’s something wrong with your relationship and you want to try working on it together, then you need to create an action plan.
Make a list of all the steps you will be taking. Please write it down and agree to have weekly deep conversations.
4. Agree to compromise
Of course, both need to be accountable for their actions and reactions. Agree to compromise and know that this would be a long process.
In some cases, hurt and disapproval between couples is because of opposing beliefs. That’s normal since you came from different backgrounds. Compromising is an excellent point to include in your plan.
He repeats something offensive or hurtful. Don’t react negatively or harshly. The issue would escalate.
Instead, be calm and respond accordingly. Be objective, and don’t let your feelings cloud your judgment.
8. Choose what you absorb
“He keeps hurting me emotionally. He wouldn’t hold my hand last night. I was so embarrassed and hurt because my friends noticed it too!”
We can’t force someone to be what we want them to be. Some men aren’t showy and wouldn’t feel comfortable being touchy.
This can hurt you emotionally if you let it.
Choose what you will absorb. Don’t let yourself be hurt by everything you see and hear.
9. Do your best to avoid overthinking
Overthinking could make things worse.
For example, you’ve been suspecting that your partner is flirting with an office mate. You confront him angrily, and he yells out that you’re paranoid and pathetic because of the mood. Then you are left hurting and more confused than ever.
“He changed, and he no longer loves me. He’s being too harsh. It’s true, and he’s having an affair!”
There can be times when emotional hurt is caused by overthinking. Letting go of intrusive thoughts would help you and your partner.
10. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt
He says sorry and promises to be more sensitive towards what you feel. If you think your partner is not a narcissist, what’s stopping you from giving him the benefit of the doubt?
Instead of ending the relationship, you can give him another chance. Weigh everything first before making this decision. You know him better than anyone else, and you know if he deserves his chance or not.
Even before starting your relationship, a couple should already start discussing this. It will help them set the proper expectations and responsibilities. This will also make things more transparent for both of you. If someone does something outside the boundary, then this person should be accountable for their actions.
12. Set rules that you will both agree on
Next, if you both agree, it’s better to set rules. How this would help, you may ask.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.