He Keeps Hurting Me Emotionally: 15 Ways to Handle It

Not all abuse will show up as bruises.

There are times when people suffer from emotional abuse from the person they love and trust most.

“It’s true. He keeps hurting me emotionally, but I can’t bring myself to do anything, let alone leave him.”

Relationships aren’t all about happy memories, funny experiences, and lovemaking. There will be trials, fights, and times when you hurt each other emotionally, but soon, you will admit who is wrong, say sorry, and be better.

But what if it becomes habitual?

What should I do when my boyfriend hurts me emotionally?

When someone keeps hurting you, what should you do? After all, you’re staying because you still love him, don’t you?

In these cases, usually, the victim is a product of what we call “conditioning.”

You believe you deserve this situation or that you don’t deserve to be treated better. You might become accustomed to the pattern of accepting emotional hurt, hoping after this, there will be days of bliss.

Related Reading: 7 Ways to Feel Better When Someone Hurts You

5 Things to consider when you love a man who keeps hurting you

“He keeps hurting me emotionally, but I still love him dearly. I want this to work!”

When your partner hurts your feelings, he makes up for it, you might become hopeful, and then it happens again. You’ve seen the pattern, haven’t you?

You’re may get afraid that it will escalate and become abuse.

If you know this pattern and want to do something about loving someone who hurts you, then start with these three self-realizations.

1. Know yourself

“He keeps hurting me emotionally and always points out my mistakes. I will never be good enough.”

You know yourself better than anyone else.

Don’t allow anyone to tell you otherwise. You don’t have to agree with what your partner tells you, and you know when he’s not stating the truth.

2. Know what you deserve

When you entered your relationship, what things did you expect?

Of course, being hurt emotionally wasn’t one of them. Don’t forget the time when you envisioned the love of your life and the relationship that you deserve.

Do you know your relationship standards? In case you’ve forgotten because of conditioning, remind yourself again.

Related Reading: 7 Reasons We Settle for Less Than We Deserve in Relationships

3. Why does this keep happening?

“Why does he keep hurting me? I don’t understand. We were so happy before.”

This is an excellent thing to consider. Narcissists  show their actual color a few months after the relationship starts. Still, there is also a chance of an underlying issue when a man hurts you emotionally.

Did you have any problems before? Did something happen that could have scared your relationship?

When a man is hurt emotionally, he might resort to hurting you emotionally to deal with his pain. In cases like this, therapy might be the best course of action.

4. Why are you staying in this relationship?

“My boyfriend hurts me emotionally, but I chose to stay because I love him.”

Answer these questions to realize why you choose to stay with someone who hurts you emotionally.

– Do you love him because you believe he could change, and your relationship will go back to how it used to be?

– Are you staying because you believe that he’s a good person and you can work this out?

– Do you think he is telling the truth when he says things about you and says he wants you to change? Ultimately, do you believe his harsh way of citing all your shortcomings is for your good, and you appreciate it?

Related Reading: 15 Reasons to Be in a Relationship

5. Understand what you tolerate

“He gets off on hurting me, and I know deep inside that I should do something.”

That, right there, is your answer. You know this situation can still change. If you don’t talk to your boyfriend or partner, how would this person know that you’re not okay with what he’s doing?

Some people who experience emotional hurt become content with crying at night when everyone else is sleeping. But if you are tired of being hurt emotionally, you have to do something about it. If you won’t do something, how will it change?

How do I put an end to being emotionally hurt? 

“He hurt my feelings, and I understand now. This needs to stop, but where do I start?”

Realizing that the emotional hurt your boyfriend is giving you is not love is the first start. Now that you know that this behavior is not healthy and could also be a sign of an abuser, it’s time to do something about it.

Related Reading: 8 Simple Ways to Seek Emotional Healing

He keeps hurting me emotionally: 15 ways to handle it

Some people think that abuse only shows in the form of bruises and physical pain, but emotional abuse can be painful.

Sadly, many people close their eyes to emotional hurt and abuse. Victims of emotional abuse are rarely seen because they would rather hide in a corner and cry. Some would put on a fake smile and pretend they’re okay, but they are already broken deep inside.

What should you do when your partner keeps on hurting you emotionally?

One should remember that there are cases where emotional abuse is unintentional, intentional, a reaction, or a way to get attention.

Here are 15 ways you  to put a stop to it, regardless of the intent.

Related Reading: How to Heal from Emotional Abuse

1. Talk to him and be honest about your feelings

“He keeps hurting me emotionally. I end up crying when he’s not home or when he’s sleeping.”

There’s a chance that your partner doesn’t know he’s hurting you emotionally. Some people choose to hide the pain, but you don’t have to.

Communication is vital to any relationship, and we need to use this to fix the issue. Talk to your partner. Let it all out. Tell him what you feel, why you are hurting, and everything you want to say.

Try to not simply cry in front of him. Instead, use words to express how you are feeling. Talk to him, and listen to him when it’s his time to talk.

2. Ask him if there is a reason behind his hurtful actions

Don’t be afraid to have a heart-to-heart talk with your partner.

Sometimes, your partner may not be aware of the hurtful things he’s doing, but if he is, he could be honest and let you know what’s wrong.

If he isn’t able to answer you directly, at least this conversation will make him ponder his actions that are hurting you.

3. If he cooperates, come up with an action plan together

If you both acknowledge that there’s something wrong with your relationship and you want to try working on it together, then you need to create an action plan.

Make a list of all the steps you will be taking. Please write it down and agree to have weekly deep conversations.

4. Agree to compromise

Of course, both need to be accountable for their actions and reactions. Agree to compromise and know that this will be a long process.

In some cases, hurt and disapproval between couples is because of opposing beliefs. That’s normal since you came from different backgrounds. Compromising is an excellent point to include in your plan.

Meet halfway and work on it – together.

Related Reading: 6 Compromises in a Relationship Needed for a Healthy Marriage

5. Try to be more patient

“How do I stop hurting when everything he says, even his jokes, sounds personal? I can’t help but feel emotionally hurt.”

Are you a sensitive person?

Being too sensitive can cause emotional hurt, and your partner is unaware of it.

If you talk to your partner and tell him that his words, jokes, and actions hurt you emotionally, that’s a start. However, don’t expect him to change in a snap.

Remember, every situation is different, and there’s a chance that he doesn’t intend to insult or hurt you. As he works on his approach, you also need to work on your sensitivity.

Words can inspire, and build confidence, but they could also hurt people you love. 

Let’s learn how powerful words are with the help of Robin Sharma, an author, and speaker. 

6. Practice understanding each other

Relationships are all about understanding and working together. Now that you have compromised, start with understanding and being a little more patient.

The change will take time, but if you work together and are more understanding, then it will get easier.

Related Reading: How to Improve Understanding in a Relationship

7. Try to respond instead of reacting

If he repeats something offensive or hurtful, don’t react negatively or harshly. This might escalate the issue in the heat of the moment.

Instead, be calm and respond accordingly. Be objective, and don’t let your feelings cloud your judgment.

8. Choose what you absorb

“He keeps hurting me emotionally. He wouldn’t hold my hand last night. I was so embarrassed and hurt because my friends noticed it too!”

We can’t force someone to be what we want them to be. Some men aren’t showy and wouldn’t feel comfortable being touchy.

This can hurt you emotionally if you let it.

Choose what you will absorb. Don’t let yourself be hurt by everything you see and hear.

9. Do your best to avoid overthinking

Overthinking could make things worse.

For example, you’ve been suspecting that your partner is flirting with an office mate. You confront him angrily, and he yells out that you’re paranoid and pathetic because of the mood. Then you are left hurting and more confused than ever.

“He changed, and he no longer loves me. He’s being too harsh. It’s true, and he’s having an affair!”

There can be times when emotional hurt is caused by overthinking. Letting go of intrusive thoughts could help you and your partner.

10. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt

He says sorry and promises to be more sensitive towards what you feel. If you think your partner is not a narcissist, what’s stopping you from giving him the benefit of the doubt?

Instead of ending the relationship, you can give him another chance. Weigh everything first before making this decision. You know him better than anyone else, and you know if he deserves his chance or not.

11. Set boundaries together

Did you know that setting boundaries in a relationship is vital?

Even before starting your relationship, a couple should start discussing this. It will help you set the proper expectations and responsibilities in the relationship. This will also make things more transparent for both of you. If someone does something outside the boundary, then this person should be accountable for their actions.

12. Set rules that you will both agree on

Next, if you both agree, it’s better to set rules. How will this help, you may ask.

With a written set of rules, you will realize the dos and don’ts of your relationship. No more guessing and wondering why your partner did what he did.

For example, you don’t want him to be chatting with his female co-worker.

It’s clear that if he still does the very thing you hate, then we can already say it was intentional, right?

13. Forgive and let go

If you choose to undergo therapy, you also need to address past issues that may affect your present.

Choose to forgive and forget if you want to start anew. This should be a mutual decision because this will determine if you will continue or end the relationship.

Related Reading: Learning To Forgive: 6 Steps to Forgiveness In Relationships

14. Choose to start fresh

If the emotional hurt is unintentional, from a previous resentment, or oversensitivity, it’s safe to say that you can start fresh again.

It won’t be easy, but if you agree to compromise, talk, and work together, this can lead to a better, more mature relationship.

It’s not too late to start again.

15. Leave if you have to

“How to deal with someone who hurt you emotionally and shows signs of being an abuser?”

If you realize that the emotional hurt is intentionally caused or is because of narcissism or other reasons that can no longer be worked on, then leave.

Release yourself from the prison of unhappiness. You deserve better. Leave before it’s too late.

Will you let your partner continue hurting you emotionally?

“He keeps hurting me emotionally. Maybe this is what I deserve.”

If you choose to stay and allow your partner to hurt you emotionally, it’s your choice.

Even if the facts are in front of you, even if the door is open for you to go out, you will be the one who would decide for yourself.

Leave or close the door and stay. The choice is yours.

Takeaway

There can be so many reasons why we would feel emotionally hurt. Recognizing patterns, reasons, and chances are among the first things you should do.

Then, you can proceed with taking action, whether to fix it, try counseling, or end the relationship that turned sour.

“He keeps hurting me emotionally. Should I stay?”

The answer lies within you. Consider all the facts, the possibilities, and talk to your partner. Decide what is good for you and what you deserve.

Remember, the choice is yours.