In the past decade, we heard a lot about Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and how it’s just as important as IQ. It is a very interesting concept measuring a person’s ability to self-regulate and motivate the emotions of the people around them. Every rational person knows that actions and decisions made under extreme stress are not normally the best. Since the real world is a stressful existence, a person that can perform under duress is desirable for any organization. Since marriages can sometimes be stressful, an emotionally intelligent husband is also a desirable partner.
Marriage and emotional intelligence
A lot of people, especially divorcees, know that there is no such thing as perpetual marital bliss. A real marriage has ups and downs and can be an unbearable scenario for a lot of people. The stress of any relationship, marriage included, is the reason why emotional intelligence is important.
There are times when life throws a curveball, sickness or death in the family, for example, are unavoidable stressful situations any married couple eventually encounter at some point in their lives.
Bills and other responsibilities do not pause to help alleviate the situation. Going above and beyond the normal day-to-day responsibilities of marriage, career, and parenting is physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting.
In spite of all the studies claiming how women have higher emotional intelligence than men on paper, women tend to panic and aggravate the situation more often in disaster scenarios. Any married man and member of the fire department knows that for a fact.
In a marriage, there are only two parties (normally), the husband and the wife. To regain control of the situation it is important at least on you can maintain a calm disposition and prevent avoidable mistakes while reacting to high-stress conditions. A husband can restrain and control a panic-stricken wife, but not vice versa. It will be difficult for any woman to restrain their hysterical husband without suffering injuries.
That is why with respect to emotional intelligence in marriage, it’s far more important for an emotionally intelligent husband to be a part of marital dynamics.
Being an emotionally intelligent husband
An emotionally intelligent man is also a high emotionally intelligent husband. How a person reacts to situations are generally the same. The limits of their patience and mental fortitude apply to the same specific categories across the board. It means if it’s in a person’s character to remain calm in a sinking ship, they will be the same in a failing marriage.
Unfortunately, there is no set of standards that define such categories. It is heavily influenced by personal values. Just because a person will take verbal abuse from their parents and children, that doesn’t mean they will accept the same behavior from strangers.
The same can be said the other way around, just because they wouldn’t lend a helping hand to an ongoing robbery, that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t react if the victim is their daughter.
Emotional intelligence has a lot of bells, frills, and whistles these days but it is what it always has been, “grace under fire.”
That is why generations ago, we sent problem children to military schools.
Today, we have all sorts of new age workshops that “teach” emotional intelligence. In reality, it teaches the theory of emotional intelligence, but it doesn’t really teach how someone can be emotionally intelligent.
EQ or rather grace under fire is only learned through experience. Mental fortitude is a character trait that is developed through hard knocks and not learned from books or workshops.
If you truly want to learn emotional intelligence, join the volunteer fire department or other ventures that would place you in stressful or potentially dangerous situations.
How to deal with someone with low emotional intelligence
The problem with people with low EQ is they worsen the situation by their actions, inactions, or just plain whining/screaming. If you are a person who whines and complains a lot, is a clear sign of low EQ.
It is fairly easy to ignore annoying low EQ people in most situations, but when dealing with a person with low emotional intelligence and relationships, then it becomes a whole different ball game. For example, being married to a nagger is a toxic and unhealthy relationship.
The last thing you want to do is answer them with excuses and counter-complaints (unless you’re a lawyer). It will only escalate into a pissing contest shouting match and resolve nothing.
If any solution can be found, at least one party should remain calm and rational. Have the patience to wait for them to finish their whining. The more you respond to it, the more fuel you add to the fire. Remember that everyone has a physical limit. Nobody can maintain that state for very long, it is exhausting. It wastes their energy, and make sure to conserve yours.
Once their energy is expended, those who rationally conserved their energy at the expense of time can discuss and act on solutions.
Marriage with an emotionally intelligent husband
Having a strong pillar of support in any family is a huge asset. Even in egalitarian families, a man should take the initiative to be that unwavering pillar. Emotionally intelligent husband is different from being an emotionally insensitive husband. It does not mean you do not empathize or at the very least understand how anyone else in your family feels. It only means that in spite of everything, the man of the house has everything together.
Women, even liberal-modern age women appreciate emotionally strong men and emotionally intelligent husbands. Again, we need to clearly differentiate emotionally strong from insensitive. An insensitive person cannot read the mood and will not bother to understand the feelings of other people before acting on their choices.
An emotionally strong husband gives the wife and the rest of the family more freedom to act out on their own personalities.
Smart and rational decisions will always lead the way without turning your family into robotic automatons like the military.
An emotionally intelligent husband can lead and protect a well-adjusted family through any challenge life has to offer.