Whether you have been with your man for a few weeks or a few decades, your partnership will not likely be spared from periods of struggle. Every relationship goes through cycles of disconnection, and while there is typically a good reason for this temporary separation, it is rarely a relief to experience. Rather, it is a time when you are able to reevaluate the importance the other person holds in your life and how you can better show that person how much he is valued. So rather than enter this part of the relationship cycle unprepared, it is essential to understand your man and how to summarize your attraction to him in mere words.
Think about the first thing that attracted you to your man
Physical attraction is usually the first element that draws our attention to an individual. You likely chose your man based, in part, on elements of his appearance. Does he have nice hair, the perfect eyes, a bright smile, a pleasing physique? Initially, these physical attractions are those for which we tend to compliment a man. But physical attraction is not solely contained in visual appearance. You can compliment your man about how what he is wearing makes the color of his eyes stand out – or you can compliment him about his strength, how hugging you with his arms causes you to feel protected or safe. Compliments about physical appearance do not have to feed his ego; rather, they should be phrases that draw him closer to you. They are meant to give him a better understanding of what his appearance means to you, how much you value the way he looks and cares for himself outwardly.
Often, how you compliment a man about his physical appearance can be superficial unless you add emotional response with the praise. Contrary to some societal boundaries, emotional responses are not exclusive to women. Men may have a different set of primary emotions and a smaller range of outward displays, but that does not exclude men from expressing themselves emotionally. Brainstorm the things about which your partner is passionate. What are the things that evoke a strong response from him? Keep those things in mind when complimenting your man. Remind him that you value his willingness to show how he feels. Do not restrict him from expressing grief, anger, frustration, excitement – allow him to be himself and praise him for it! You might have initially been drawn to him for his appearance but the way he relates to you emotionally was what prompted you to choose him as a partner.
Choose to compliment him on the various things that attract you to him
Complimenting your man about physical appearance or emotional expression may come easily. But have you considered praising him for his mind? Consider the ways he thinks and talks and asks questions. He is unique in the way he processes the world around him – and he shares that world with you! Compliment the way he thinks things through. If he is a problem solver, tell him how much you value that quality. Praise his creativity and consideration – the ways in which he shows others how much he cares. Be specific and thoughtful.
It is not just about the physicality!
Lastly, beyond the man, himself, are the values and beliefs that make him who he is. What are the spiritual things, those elements beyond the person himself, which drew you to your man? Do you share views or passions that are important for both of you? Think about the family life he has had and the characteristics of his upbringing that are important to you. Remind him of those things! Praise him for those qualities and values that attracted him to you as a partner. You could have chosen anyone, but you chose him. Never forget the spiritual qualities that are a part of what drew you to him.
Above all else, be grateful for who he is. Whether it is the physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual qualities of your man, it is important to remember it is all a part of the same person. Relationships go through cycles; sometimes both the people will be fully invested and other times they will not. Taking the time to remind your significant other of the things you value about who he his will not go unnoticed. It may take time, but complimenting your man can go a long way towards closeness and a better connection.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.