Oops!! Dealing with an Unplanned Pregnancy in Marriage

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Rachael Pace, Author

Rachael Pace

Expertise: Mental health, Parenting

Rachael Pace inspires with motivational articles on loving partnerships. She encourages making room for love and facing challenges together.

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Updated: 2 Jul, 2023

Table of Contents

You are not alone; your partner will be there every step, so share your feelings openly to stay united and supported.
Have a series of conversations to plan together in a safe space, speak openly about fears and needs, and build a plan that strengthens your bond.
Evaluate needs and nurture your relationship; attend doctor visits together and replace stress with moments of care and connection that deepen your bond.

People often connect unplanned pregnancies with those who have not walked down the aisle but dealing with an unplanned pregnancy is a dilemma also faced by married couples.

The initial reaction after hearing the news of unplanned pregnancy in marriage, is likely to be a combination of shock and worry followed by the question, “What should we do?”

The answer to that question ‘how to handle an unplanned pregnancy?’ is a detailed one that depends on your situation.

There would be no shortage of unexpected pregnancy advice or unwanted pregnancy advice, but you need to weigh your options and stick with the ones that help you the most in coping with an unplanned pregnancy.

Bringing a child into the world is not something a couple wants to face all of a sudden but if it happens, there is no choice but to learn how to deal with an unwanted pregnancy in the best way possible.

Your partner is there with you

The first thing to remember on how to deal with an unexpected pregnancy is that you are not alone. You are lucky to have an amazing partner that will be right there every step of the way.

Just knowing that there is someone sharing every flourish of shock and concern does put the mind at ease. Support is everything.

During this initial phase of dealing with unexpected pregnancy remember that it is okay to feel any way that you feel.

Whether you are scared out of your mind, break out in tears, or are depressed or angry, you’re entitled to those emotions and so is your spouse.

Masking them will only hurt the situation in the end. For many, when those initial feelings are expressed, the fact that the news is so unexpected is likely to have a strong influence on what comes out of their mouths.

Make sure not to pass judgment on what your partner says at this stage because as we all know; some react better to the unexpected than others.

Your main goal to start with is keeping that united front because you are going to need your spouse throughout the journey of the unplanned pregnancy, and they will need you.

“You can feel that way” is the best response. It says, “I am here” while allowing a release of those initial emotions.

Have a series of conversations to develop a plan

Dealing with unwanted pregnancy in marriage requires much more than one sit down chat. After you and your spouse have calmed down and come to terms with the news, have a series of conversations about the next steps.

A simple, “Honey, what are we going to do?” will get the ball rolling. Depending on your situation, a variety of factors can make an unwanted pregnancy more stressful.

You and your spouse may have little ones at home and cannot fathom the thought of supporting another child let alone providing the care and attention that is needed.

Other concerns likely include being unable to support a baby financially or a lack of living space, to name a few.

Major concerns on how to cope with an unwanted pregnancy have to be addressed first. To do that successfully and have a series of productive conversations, create a safe environment for these talks.

Before moving forward with the discussion someone should say, “I know we have a lot to deal with right now.

coping with unplanned pregnancy

Let’s allow each other to speak openly and honestly about where our minds are at this very moment in order to come up with a plan that works for our family. We have challenges ahead but we will get through them together.”

From there, both parties can share what is on their minds, confide in each other and then move on to decide what to do next.

For most this will likely involve saving money, turning to family for help and dealing with the space issue in the home. Remember that there is always a way.

Depending on how the household is run, one or both spouses can get another job or work extra hours.

If a spouse stays home he/she can start a small at-home business to earn some additional cash, recruit babysitters (that’s what family is for), and learn to utilize space in the home more effectively if moving isn’t an option.

As a plan starts to develop, keep in mind that just because something is hard does not mean it’s bad. The most beautiful gifts come in not so enticing packages.

The more you talk about coping with an unwanted pregnancy, the better you will feel. Fears are often short-lived and the excitement soon sets in.

Talking about the pregnancy allows spouses to transition from disbelief to acceptance. Although many are able to make the transition rather quickly, others do not.

If negative emotional responses linger, begin to interfere with daily life, or one/both spouses shut down do not hesitate to seek professional help. This can be in the form of counseling or therapy.

Evaluate needs

After talking and making the essential transition from disbelief and shock to acceptance, evaluate immediate needs. First on that list is seeing a doctor.

In order to keep mother and child healthy, regular visits are required to make sure everything is going smoothly. After discovering an unexpected pregnancy, married couples should try to go to these appointments together.

Not only do appointments keep husband and wife informed but it makes the situation more real. Although doctors’ appointments are serious, couples often find themselves enjoying this time together.

The husband and wife get to talk on the ride there and back, chat in the waiting room, maybe share a few laughs and have the opportunity to get excited about the baby on the way.

Once the health aspect of the pregnancy is taken care of another immediate need is keeping the relationship healthy. This is the time to nurture the relationship.

Think of marriage, cherish each other, and don’t always have accidental pregnancy on the brain. Step away from that. Everything is going to be fine. Instead, focus on being married.

For example, after going to an appointment, head on over to your favorite eatery to have a romantic and spontaneous lunch, plan dates just because, and amp up the passion (just keep pregnancy sex safe).

Replacing stress and worry with fun and romance will change perspectives for the better. As you can see, unplanned pregnancy in marriage does not have to be a negative experience.

Life’s surprises are what you make them. Once you have conversations about the pregnancy, develop a plan of action, and evaluate needs. Perspectives can change and in the end, happiness will be achieved.

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Rachael Pace Author

Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less