You’re getting married! Congratulations! But first, there may be some things that you and your fiancé should talk about in advance. Speaking to each other openly and very honestly about these bigger topics (and everything else in your relationship) will enable you both to get on the same page and have harmony.
Finance is probably one of the biggest issues in a marriage when both people are not in line with one another. To avoid a huge problem in your marriage, you and your spouse should discuss your past, present and future financial situations. Here are some questions to help:
- Have you ever filed bankruptcy?
- Do you have debt? If so, how much and for what?
- Do you have savings?
- What are your beliefs about savings?
- What are your beliefs about spending?
Another huge topic to discuss is Children. I know that some people go into marriage with children already and some people do not. Either way, here are some questions to get some facts straight about children.
- If you don’t have children already, how many do you want?
- If you do have children, do you want more?
- How far apart would you like to have them?
- What are your beliefs about raising the children?
- What are your beliefs about disciplining the children?
It may seem like knowing where to live is a “no-brainer” but it is still worth going over. Sometimes couples think they are on the same page about things then realize there may be some differences. Here are some questions to start that conversation:
- If you both have your own place, which one will you move to?
- If you do not have your own place yet, are you wanting to rent or buy a house?
- Where do you want to live? (What city, etc.)
Everyone has expectations about their lives. Therefore, everyone has expectations about what they think they should contribute to a marriage and what their spouses should contribute. It is vitally important to talk about what is expected in your marriage. Here are some expectation questions:
- How do you split the household chores?
- Are you both working?
- How many times per week do you think is it substantial to have sex?
- Are you both in charge of finances?
I know that it sounds like it should be obvious if someone has an addiction issue. Trust me on this one, it can be very well hidden. It is a great idea to have complete transparency in this area to avoid major setbacks later. Ask each other these:
- How often do you drink?
- Do you gamble? If so, how often?
- Is there or has there ever been an issue with substance abuse?
- Do you view pornography?
If you and/or your spouse are people of faith, it should be discussed. Especially if you and your future spouse do not follow the same faith. Here are some starters to go over:
- Do you follow the same faith?
- If you do not follow the same faith, are you able to respect each other’s decisions in this area?
- Will you teach your children your faith walk?
- Will you attend church? If so, how often?
Sex is such a large part of a marriage. Sex allows married couples to become deeply connected to one another. If you are not on the same page when it comes to sex, it may cause issues in the future. Here are some questions to ponder over:
- How often should we have sex?
- Who should initiate?
- What is allowed in our sexual life?
8. Future plans
We all have dreams. While two become one once you’re married, your dreams don’t just go away. You are still very much your own person as well as a half of a marriage. Because of this, it is great to discuss what you both envision for the future. Here are some questions to prompt you:
- Where do you envision yourself in five years?
- What job do you want to have in five years?
- What is your dream life?
Asking these questions and digging deeper into what it truly means to be married is a great place to start your marriage. Everyone gets a little anxious about marriage. But you don’t have to stay anxious. I encourage you to continue to openly discuss these and any other topic that may arise. Cheers to a healthy, thriving marriage!