Each woman is world’s apart when it comes to what brings them sexual gratification. But there are crucial elements that make all women enjoy the overall experience. That’s what ultimately leads to everyone’s ultimate satisfaction.
Everyone wants to know the secrets –what women want in bed. There’s really no recipe; it’s quite simple. Women wish for genuine intimacy apart from strictly desire, and there is a difference.
You’ll be hard-pressed to find many women who prefer a partner merely interested in the act. Most long for a mate wholly emotionally involved because that will make the difference between intentional foreplay, exploring every inch to learn a woman’s body thoroughly, and “a two-minute interlude” that leaves the woman feeling somewhat empty.
What are some things a partner can do to change this scenario? Let’s check out what women really want in bed.
20 things women really want in bed
What women want in bed is to be active participants who can express their needs and desires openly and expect the same from their mates. That’s the path to having a mutually satisfying sex life.
If you can’t express what you want or how you prefer to be touched, how do you expect to wallow in the experience? There comes (or should) a point in your partnership where you reach the various levels of intimacy and share this or any type of conversation.
Intimacy is far more than just sex, and if you enjoy all aspects with your partner, a discussion on how you want to be made love to should be effortless. To help out, let’s look at a few things that women say they want in the bedroom.
1. Have confidence in yourself
One of the most basic answers to the question, “What women want in bed?” is confidence.
A woman finds a partner that eludes confidence as sexy. Self-esteem can sometimes diminish when the clothes come off, if it’s the first time for the two of you or if you’re struggling with body image.
It would help if you remembered that she is more focused on how you make her feel, not what you consider your flaws. Attraction, especially sexual attraction, isn’t necessarily something based on appearance.
Individuals are naturally drawn to those who give off an edge of self-assurance and certainty. Don’t lose that when you get to the bedroom.
There’s a misperception that one or the other person needs to “take control” of the sexual encounter, and that’s phooey. What women want in bed but never say is that there is no right or wrong or any type of set rules attached to making love.
Sex needs to be free, explorative, and mutual without either person having thoughts going through their mind that they need to do more or be more aggressive. Women want an authentic experience, not a role being played.
Women love sex. It’s a misnomer to believe that women dislike sex. The fact is that women like sex when it’s fulfilling, and often it’s not because mates are uninformed about how to satisfy a woman.
Each woman is indeed different in their expectations. Some women prefer that their mates take control and be aggressive.
Some women prefer the experience to be mutual. But as a whole, women like to be “consumed” by their partner and vice versa.
And that can mean gazing at every inch of their body before then touching each spot, staring into their eyes to take in the soul, kisses that take your breath – intentional foreplay leading to a desire that makes you want to explode; total intimacy.
That should be what everyone wants – not just women. Then everyone would love – and look forward – to sex.
What women want in bed that some partners might not realize is spontaneity. Take it outside of the bedroom. That doesn’t necessarily mean out in public (though some women are exceptionally adventuresome), which can lead to repercussions, and no one is encouraging you to get into trouble.
Try the couch, maybe the back garden if you can find a private spot. The idea is to go on impulse and not a schedule.
One of the most pleasurable things for a woman is scheduling an intimate evening that might not even involve sex, but the hope is that will be the climax to the “date.”
It’s exciting to get all dressed up and go out for perhaps dinner.
Then come back home for an intimate dessert or adult beverage (maybe hot cocoa or drink of your choice), ultimately developing the desire to become closer. The anticipation for the evening alone incites fantasies for each partner.
What women want from men sexually is to avoid being tracked for how long it’s been since the last encounter. No woman (nor should their partner) wants to be reminded that there’s been a lapse in the bedroom.
There could be numerous reasons out of either of their control. Keeping track merely adds pressure and can further stall the desire. This is an important point to remember in the guide for what women want in bed.
Sometimes passion takes over a person for many reasons, and sex needs to happen right then and there. It could be when the urge strikes at the most inopportune time, but there’s nothing wrong with a quickie. There’s such an intense feeling of desire; women come away with exceptional gratification.
Women want to wear lingerie more than once or twice a year for that special occasion or have it on longer than two seconds. Buy those fabulous bras and panty sets and wear them regularly or the fancy bodysuit.
Not all women experience issues with dryness, but many do have this problem, enjoying sex much more with lube. Some women, though, like the idea of lubrication included in their sexual activity even if dryness is not a concern.
It can prove arousing to use a silicone-based product. Rubbing might ultimately lead to discomfort, where adding lube can create a more sensual sliding sensation.
You can be creative by not leading in with the genitals from the get-go instead of starting perhaps by squeezing a little product on the breasts and massaging gently.
Too often, mates focus in with a direct line to the genitals instantly. Again, some women might find this the be-all for sexual satisfaction, but others might enjoy a little exploration before getting down to business.
What women love in bed is authenticity. No woman feels good about having to “fake” anything, and no woman wants to do that, nor should do that.
That’s not helping their sex life or their partner know what they need or want to have an actual orgasm. When a woman misleads a partner into believing they’re accomplishing “the task,” she’s only doing herself a disservice and the relationship.
Again, full-on intimacy requires an open, honest, and vulnerable conversation about what’s good and what’s lacking. Sex for a woman is not good when it’s not genuine.
Show your partner what you want if instructions are not quite working the way you hope they will. You’re two grown adults, and demonstrating the way you need to be touched is sometimes an ideal way to help a mate understand what precisely it is you’re trying to express.
No one wants to fumble around awkwardly and feel frustrated ruining the moment. Make it more intimate by guiding your mate’s hands. That helps your partner learn your needs and creates greater arousal during sex.
Girls love to talk during sex. That’s not only dirty talk but compliments and not just receiving them but getting them while making love. While dirty talk can indeed become arousing as you move further into foreplay, hearing loving thoughts or compliments can also create desire leading to an intimate encounter.
But these need not be “lines.” A woman needs to tell when a mate is being genuine rather than attempting to get her into a sexual situation.
Girls like to feel good about themselves. Part of that is a woman accepting who she is and being comfortable in her skin. When your self-esteem is high, the experience will be incredible.
If you haven’t reached the point of loving yourself, you can’t satisfactorily give yourself to a mate sexually.
You’ll be too concerned about how you look, how you’re performing, and if they’re enjoying themselves, which they’ll ultimately be unable to do because you’ll be too stuck in your head. This is an essential point in the guide for what women want in bed.
Some things girls like in bed don’t happen in the bedroom. Love and affection is an ongoing process and contributes to your sexual encounters.
If you don’t enjoy touching or embracing in any other aspect of your day, like no kiss before leaving for work, no hand-holding when out together, no incredible lingering hugs just to hug, and no holding each other while sleeping; how do you expect to muster up the gestures necessary to become intimate?
The relationship would appear to be too cold for that. Women (and mates, I would presume) require intimate contact in their partnerships regularly. Whether it’s a hand on the back while making dinner, stroking her hair, little reminders that she’s loved.
Otherwise, sex becomes going through motions with no feeling because there are no other moments where she’s made to feel wanted or needed.
Women enjoy self-sufficiency, strength, and independence. That doesn’t detract from a desire to enjoy doors held open, courting from their mate, flowers for occasions.
The “wooing” from days past is not lost on the current generation. It’s not necessarily what do girls like during sex but the prelude that entices them to enjoy their sexual experience so much more.
When a woman’s partner perhaps calls her from work and asks her out for a date, even though they’ve been together for some time, it brings immense pleasure to each of them on an intimate level different from sex.
Albeit, it brings a great sense of desire resulting in an optimum sexual encounter later.
Women don’t want their partners to be selfish. Unfortunately, in many situations, a mate tends to focus on their self-satisfaction, forgetting a whole other person is participating and hoping for pleasure as well.
The same is true for women; there should be no potential to expect the entire focus on your needs and nothing left for your partner. It should be a mutual, loving, respectful experience for both individuals.
19. Alcohol is not the worlds’ greatest aphrodisiac
Something you can bet will not be on the list of things girls like during sex is a drunken partner. Alcohol is not an aphrodisiac, nor can it help achieve an orgasm with a high blood alcohol level.
If you were out having a good time and come home feeling like you want to continue the party in the bedroom, drink some coffee and sober up first. Drunken sex is the least pleasurable for a woman.
Women are not complicated. Partners are partners with similar hopes and desires. The problem comes when there’s a lack of communication relating to their needs.
Rather than send out visible clues when having sex or use body language or give hints, openly speak to each other.
Say what you want and how you want it. That’s the only way to have a healthy relationship and the optimum sex life. Clues, hints, acting out your needs . . . talk to your mate and demonstrate while in a sexual moment. It would be the grown-up approach.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.