No matter how much you and your spouse love each other, you can still fall into a sexual rut. Sex rut in relationships is not uncommon.
To break the marriage rut you need to bust out of toxic routines and refer to expert relationship rut advice.
If you are in rut sex feels like a choreThe demands of life, work, children, household, and health can deplete all your energy levels, so much that even thinking about sex—or feeling sexy—goes into hiding.
Don’t fall into the trap that low sexual interest or activity is a sign of trouble. Yes, it can be, but don’t panic. In healthy marriages, it can be a sign that you have a lot of responsibility and priorities.
Also, watch this video that offers more advice on keeping a relationship happy with your partner:
Still, you need to get proactive. Sex seals and fortifies your relationship. Sex activates oxytocin, the hormone of both pleasure and connection.
So, if you are in a sexual rut, use your version of these tested tips as sexual boosters.
Feel free to add your own ideas to get out of your sexual rut.
1. Reenact the first time you had sex
Alternatively, the first time you had great sex—that made you feel that your partner was the one for you.
You might have already fallen in love before sex, but this sexual experience reinforced it.
You might need to get creative, for example, if you had sex on the beach or at a resort hotel, or any other special setting.
Place photos of the setting in the room in your house where you will have this rekindling sex. Wear clothing that is similar to what you wore the first time. Find the music on iTunes that you danced to. Eat similar foods and do anything that recalls your special sexual time. This one is a sure-fire way to break the sexual rut.
2. Leave at least one lamp on
Men are visual animals. They like to look. It enhances their pleasure. You might feel uncomfortable, at first, if your partner wants to view your front and back, but if you regard this activity as a way to enhance your sexual fire, then, over time, you will feel closer—and more aroused.
3. Experiment with using sex toys such as vibrators
To get out of a sexual rut, you can introduce sex toys to each other. You can use them to give each other massages, which promotes, paradoxically, both stimulation and relaxation.
But don’t use these sex toys if you are highly uncomfortable using them. There is always hesitancy in doing new things sexually, but you are the one who can gauge your level of discomfort.
4. Recreate the sexual setting of your honeymoon
If, of course, it was satisfying!
You can talk about it, take out the photo album, and look online for scenes of where you went. The goal is always to spark your union as a couple, generally and Sexually and to break out of your sexual rut.
5. Act out scenes from your favorite movies
You don’t have to know all the lines, and you don’t have to be in the exact same setting. But when you loosen up to play-act, you can free yourself from being you for a while. You might feel freer, friskier, and funnier!
And if you can’t think of specific movies, then I recommend searching Google for “sexiest movie scenes,” or similar wording.
Watch the clips—or buy or rent the movie.
And if you can’t think of any scenes or don’t feel comfortable doing them, you can rely on that old standby, called “Where are you from, sailor?”
In that scene one person notices an attractive person sitting at the bar alone and goes up to them and starts a conversation—all the while, acting very alluring.
And if you still do not feel comfortable with the suggestions above, you can always play “Pupil/Teacher,” where each take turns “teaching” your “pupil-partner” about what you Like.
And don’t worry if you feel “not you” when you do any of these tips. When you and your partner are in a sexual rut, that feeling is normal. Just get a bit brave enough to give these ideas a trial run or two to help you get used to doing something new.
The new can be a bit jarring at first—but overriding it can spark new good things!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
My name is LeslieBeth (LB) Wish. Everyone calls me LB. I welcome you and thank you for your visit to LoveVictory.com! If you are looking for help about your life, I can empower you to get emotionally brave and smart so you can trust your intuition about your situation and decisions in love, work, family, happiness and success.
(LeslieBeth LB is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Sarasota)