Loss of Sex Drive: Reasons for a Low Libido

By David Essel, Counselor Counselor

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Updated: 11 Mar, 2020

 

 

 

 

 

Millions of people today are struggling with their sexuality, their sexual drive, and maybe even their desire to be intimate.

And while there are many reasons for loss of sex drive, the most important first step to take is one that few of us ever will.

For the past 30 years, the number one best-selling author, counselor, master Life Coach, and minister David Essel have been helping people to get to the bottom of dysfunction, even sexual dysfunction.

Below, David shares some tips that could help you today if you’ve lost your sexual desire.

“Several years ago, a gentleman contacted me on Skype to be his counselor because he was at his wit’s end, he had a total loss of interest in sex, had no sexual desire whatsoever but was too embarrassed to go to his doctor to talk to him.

So, he came to me, via Skype, with incredible anxiety written all over his face.

I had seen that look before, on both men and women, and it’s a very difficult thing to deal with when you’ve been a very sexual person, but now you have no interest in sex.

As we worked together, he saw that it was not just a physical problem that he had to deal with, but also an emotional one.

So if you’re struggling with a decreased sexual desire or a total loss of sex drive, what might be some of the reasons for this low libido?

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Resentments

What? Not dealing with long-held resentments is one of the biggest causes of a lack of sexual desire in couples that have been together for more than just a few months.

In my client’s case, he had been married for just a few years but was incredibly resentful about how his wife spent money, and also how she seemed to be in total control of their sexuality.

A drop in Hormone response as we age

In other words, if he was really interested in making love, he would feel he was putting himself out on a limb because so many times, she would just shoot him down.

“Not tonight honey, come on; we already had sex last week; there’s no need to have to go out it again.“

Those words that might seem minimal to some can absolutely destroy a man or a woman’s sexual drive.

Another reason for the loss of sex drive is a depleting hormone response as we grow older.

There are certain hormones that affect our sex drive. In my client’s case, after taking care of the emotional component, we then had him go to his doctor to look at his hormone ratio to make sure that everything was in alignment.

And it was not.

His testosterone levels were incredibly low; his estrogen levels were incredibly high. Right away, his hormone doctor said we have an issue but thank God we have a solution.

 For many women I’ve worked with, I’ve also encouraged them to have their testosterone, estrogen, DHEA, and progesterone levels checked as well because all of these hormones can have a huge impact on our sexual interest and sexual drive.

Sexual miscommunication

This is a tough one. Are there conversations regarding sexuality that you’re avoiding? Procrastinating on?

When we go back to my client, even though his wife only wanted to have sex one time a week, there were more problems that they had in the department of communication.

He wanted to be very experimental with his sexuality; he wanted to make a lot in different locations, different places, different positions… Which she had no interest in whatsoever!

So now, due to a lack of sexual communication, not only does he have resentments about her lack of sexual interest in him, but he also had resentment because he had never pushed hard enough to have her openly discuss the options he was interested in regarding their sex life.

So in this case, I encouraged both him and his wife to come on Skype together, so that we could talk about the direction he would like to go in, and get her feedback whether she was interested or not, and then make decisions on how to deal with their situation.

Unfortunately, she opted out of ever coming online to have a session with me, and their relationship imploded.

But it didn’t have to. If they could’ve just gotten on the same page regarding communication, if she would’ve opened up and been willing to talk about the intimate challenges with a professional, I believe the marriage could’ve not only been saved but enhanced.

He went through with all the medical changes recommended, and it did begin to bring back his sexual interest, but his drive was absolutely shot.

And the reason for such a loss of sex drive? Was emotional. When your partner shuts you down, it’s really hard to deal with that emotion and feel great about yourself and your future together.

 In our new top-selling book, “Love and relationship secrets… That everyone needs to know!“, we go into great detail about the damage that resentments do between couples, not isolating just sexual issues or problems, but problems in general when we don’t take care of the resentment we hold against someone we love.

 If you’re struggling with a loss of sex drive right now, reach out to me, or someone that does this work, don’t sit back another day and think it’s going to get better on its own. It won’t.“

David Essel Counselor

David Essel, M.S. is the best selling author of 9 books, a counselor and master life coach and inspirational speaker whose work is endorsed by celebrities like Jenny McCarthy, Wayne Dyer, Kenny Loggins and Mark Victor Hansen. David accepts new clients monthly via Skype and phone sessions from anywhere.

(David is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Fort Myers)