Physical Intimacy Before Marriage: How to Decide Whether You Are In, or Out

Whether you follow a specific faith or not it’s important to remember that each person who engages in a romantic relationship is entitled to decide whether they wish to participate in physical intimacy before marriage, or not.  

This freedom of choice seems to be something that is sometimes overlooked within general society, even in our modern day cultures.

If you don’t have any religious reason to avoid physical intimacy before marriage, you will face a lot of peer pressure.  Which means that many people may not even consider the idea that they do have a choice when it comes to deciding whether they want to engage in sex before marriage, or not.  

Before you decide to have sex with your partner, why not take the time to stop and consider whether you are ready.  This article is not intended to sway you in any way but to encourage you to realize that you do have a choice and to stop and think before you make such a huge decision.  

Here are some things to consider before you engage in physical intimacy that might help you decide whether sex before marriage is for you, or not.  

Your relationship goals

Take time to consider what it is that you are seeking from your relationship.  It’s something that few people do!

Do you want to settle down and get married to the man or woman of your dreams?  Are you looking for fun or a distraction from daily life? Do you seek out relationships because it’s just what people do? Maybe you like to feel attractive and wanted (what you gain through a relationship)?  

Some of these habits may, or may not be the healthiest to have but if you can become more self-aware about why you are engaging in relationships and what you want to gain from them you can also become more mindful about how to participate in your relationship, particularly concerning physical intimacy.  

For example, if you are seeking a long-term committed relationship that will result in marriage, it will be worth considering the topic of intimacy before marriage in detail and working on building a stable and healthy relationship before you introduce sexual energy.  

Your confidence level

If you are planning to have sex with your partner, you will need to be able to withstand potential challenges and knocks to your confidence levels.  

Relationships are complicated, and sexual energy adds a great deal of complexity to a relationship, physically, emotionally and spiritually.  And even if you decide that you want to be ok with something, it might be difficult for you to do so emotionally, or psychologically.

If you choose to engage in physical intimacy, you put yourself at risk of being in a relationship that even with the best intentions (from both parties) can become biased toward the physical aspect of a relationship.  A sexually biased relationship creates an unbalanced situation and doesn’t constitute a healthy relationship. When the inevitable happens, and it’s time to move on, this could cause a knock on your confidence levels which for many can be difficult to come back from.  This situation will be commonly found (but not the sole reason) in the case of eternal singletons.

If your confidence is likely to be at risk of being profoundly damaged by engaging in physical intimacy, it might be worth considering avoiding it so that you can work on building a solid foundation, and a committed relationship.

Check in with yourself

If you enjoy your sexuality, are confident and resilient in relationships, and have a balanced attachment style you may enjoy physical intimacy before marriage and gain from the experience.  But if you don’t (you won’t be alone, many people don’t), you shouldn’t engage in sex, there is no compulsion

To know where you stand, take time to check in with yourself and consider the following:  

When you are with a romantic partner, are you comfortable in engaging in physical intimacy? Do you do it because you think you should, or do you do it to feel attractive, or to gain some other benefit?

If you feel edgy in any way about engaging in physical activity, you should stop and take the time to consider why. Because it’s usually your soul, and spirit guiding you into what is right and beneficial for you.  

If you find yourself reluctantly (even if it’s very slightly) to have sex, maybe it’s worth considering a different approach.  And in your next relationship why not set the boundary and stick with that until you feel secure enough in your psyche (and probably the relationship) to take things further.