How Long Do Sexless Marriages Last: Reasons & Ways to Deal

Intimacy is often seen as the glue that keeps two people connected, but what happens when that part of the relationship fades?

For some couples, physical closeness becomes rare, or even absent, and the silence around it can feel heavier than words.

You might wonder quietly, how long do sexless marriages last… is it months, years, or does it slowly turn into a new kind of partnership altogether?

The truth is, every couple’s story looks different. Sometimes it’s about health, stress, resentment, or unmet needs; sometimes it’s about love that simply expresses itself in other ways. Whatever the reason, facing the question can stir both worry and hope at once—and that’s where understanding really matters.

What is considered a sexless marriage?

A sexless marriage doesn’t always mean there’s no intimacy at all—it usually refers to couples who have sex fewer than 10 times in a year.

Surprising, right?

For some, this lack of physical connection is temporary; maybe life gets busy, stress takes over, or health issues step in. For others, it can stretch on and start to feel like an unspoken distance.

But it’s important to remember… sexless marriages don’t automatically mean there’s no love or closeness. They simply highlight how intimacy can shift, leaving couples to navigate what it means for their bond.

5 reasons for a sexless marriage

A sexless marriage isn’t the norm, no matter how often it’s brushed off or minimized. There are always underlying reasons intimacy fades between partners.

Whether you’re considering walking away or working to rebuild, understanding those reasons is essential. Here are some of the most common ones:

1. Stress

Stress is one of the leading reasons intimacy fades in a marriage. It can trigger higher levels of stress hormones while lowering testosterone, a key hormone tied to sex drive. Beyond hormones, stress impacts physical, mental, and emotional well-being.

When work, responsibilities, or personal pressures weigh heavily, it’s hard to feel present or energized for intimacy. Over time, this creates tension in the relationship, as sexual connection often requires both strength and a relaxed, positive state of mind.

2. Unresolved conflicts

When arguments and disagreements become unsettled, it may lead to a sexless marriage. Remember that sex usually involves two individuals who are passionate about each other.

If you don’t resolve your issues quickly in marriage, it leads to the build-up of contempt and a lack of affection for each other. When intimacy dies in a marriage, it affects both partners.

3. Comparison

Another common reason for a lack of sex is high expectations. It’s normal for some people to have high hopes before getting married. This can stem from previous sexual experiences. 

Now that you are married, you expect more from your spouse. If they can’t fulfill your expectations, you may lose interest.

4. Hormone imbalance

For certain people, their lack of sex may be due to a hormone imbalance. These people may not even realize they have such a condition. They just know that they find it hard to initiate or enjoy sex.

For example, some pregnant women and nursing mothers often find it challenging to enjoy sex due to hormonal imbalances. This may go on for months, and in some instances, years.

5. Different sex drives

It’s hardly ever possible for partners to have the same sex drive. If one partner fails to meet up with the other in terms of sexual stamina, there might be an issue.

LCSW & sex therapist Danica Mitchell says,

When people experience a discrepancy in desire, the lower desire partner often begins to feel a lot of pressure, which often has the paradoxical effect of hurting their libido more.

Over time, this mismatch can cause frustration, resentment, or even emotional distance. Finding balance often requires open conversations, patience, and a willingness to compromise.

How long do sexless marriages last

Undoubtedly, many people value sex in marriage because of feelings of love, decisions, and the expression of intimacy and passion. They want to share intimacy and connection with someone whom they trust.

Nevertheless, it doesn’t mean people in sexless marriages are hopeless or doomed. A sexless marriage can last long if sex is not an issue for the two individuals.

For example, if the two spouses have the same sex drive, not having sex constantly can never be a problem. Suppose the couple is emotionally fulfilled with a few sexual moments. Their marriage can last long.

In addition, medical conditions, such as high blood pressure, cancer, or diabetes, can make sexual activity difficult for one partner. It won’t be a problem; however, if one of the couples is willing to endure for as long as it takes for their partner to get better.

Similarly, childbirth and childcare sometimes make it hard for a woman to engage in satisfying sexual activities. Often, the other partner usually understands and waits till the phase ends.

So, how long can a marriage last without intimacy?

Suppose the couple particularly values other aspects of their lives over sex. Perhaps the couple is focused on raising the children or has religious devotions. In that case, their sexless marriage can last longer than others’. 

Also, they may have a business together or share goals they want to achieve. Whatever reason a couple has that is greater than sex doesn’t make their marriage any less important than others. As long as they are on the same page, their sexless marriage won’t be a problem.

Otherwise, a sexless marriage can’t last long if one partner feels deprived or cheated of sexual experience.

So, can sexless marriages survive?

Yes, sexless marriages can survive as long as the couples agree.

5 ways to deal with a sexless marriage

A sexless marriage can feel lonely, confusing, or even frustrating—but it doesn’t always mean the relationship is beyond repair. With patience, honesty, and care, couples can take steps to reconnect and bring intimacy back in ways that feel natural and meaningful.

1. Reflect on what causes the change in your sex life

The first step to solving your sexless marriage is reflecting on why you stopped having sex like before or why you don’t have it as much.  Think back on when you first noticed the change.

What are the events or actions that happen around that time?

Everything matters, no matter how insignificant it may be at this point.

• Say this: “I’ve been thinking about when things started to change for us, and I’d love for us to look back together so we can understand it better.”

2. Talk about why there is no sex

At this juncture, you don’t need to be shy. Discuss the elephant in the room.

Why is there no sex in your marriage?

Is it the low libido, health issues, or lack of deep connection? 

Ensure you don’t mince words or sweep things under the carpet. Remember, you are discussing with your partner.

• Say this: “I don’t want us to ignore this any longer. Can we talk openly about why we haven’t been intimate and what we’re both feeling?”

3. Date each other

One of the mistakes married couples make is not putting effort into their relationships because they are now comfortable with each other. However, dating each other doesn’t end at the courtship stage. It must continue even in marriage.

Dating is especially important when couples have issues with their sex life. Go on a dinner date, go for a movie date, watch movies together, and cuddle as much as you want. Go out of the house to a new place and discuss new things.

• Say this: “Let’s plan a date night just for us, no distractions—something fun that reminds us of how we used to connect.”

Watch this TED Talk as gynecologist Maria Sophocles reveals menopause is more than hot flashes—spotlighting painful sex, low libido, and the “bedroom gap,” while urging education and better care to keep intimacy enjoyable:

4. Plan a sex night

Without putting pressure on yourself, talk about exploring sex soon. To remove tension, you may not set a specific date and time. Nonetheless, talk about having it anytime soon. Even though you may be anxious, let it be in the back of your mind that it’s for the best.

Danica Mitchell further adds,

Scheduling sex can be a great tool to rekindle the romance. You can make sure the environment is set up just right and that you are in the best headspace for intimacy.

Stay gentle with each other’s feelings, and keep the conversation light rather than heavy. This way, intimacy can return naturally, without added stress or unrealistic expectations.

• Say this: “I’d like us to think about making time soon for intimacy—not with pressure, but with the idea of enjoying each other again.”

5. Talk to a sex therapist

If your efforts to reawaken your sex life seem not to be working, it is time to consult a professional. A therapist or marriage counselor can help you and your partner highlight the problems in your relationship and get back on track.

They provide a safe space where both partners can express their concerns without judgment. In addition, a therapist can introduce practical techniques to rebuild intimacy and improve communication. Sometimes, having guidance from an expert makes it easier to move forward with clarity and hope.

• Say this: “I think it might help us to talk with a therapist who can guide us through this—what do you think about giving it a try together?”

Ending note

Every marriage has its ups and downs, but when intimacy fades, it can feel like a heavy cloud lingering over the relationship. Some couples quietly wonder, how long do sexless marriages last… while others focus more on whether love and closeness can be rebuilt.

The truth is, there’s no single timeline, and every story unfolds differently. What matters most is the willingness to talk, listen, and try—without blame or shame. With patience, care, and sometimes a little outside help, many couples find new ways to connect, both emotionally and physically.

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Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships... Read more and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together. Read less

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