How to Get Your Wife in the Mood: 21 Best Way

Understanding your partner’s emotional world can feel like a beautiful mix of curiosity, tenderness, and patience… especially when you’re hoping to reconnect more intimately. 

Every woman responds to care differently; some need comfort, some need reassurance, and some simply need a moment to breathe after a long day. Instead of guessing, it helps to notice the little things: her stress, her smiles, her quiet pauses. 

When you explore how to get your wife in the mood with empathy and genuine attention, intimacy begins to feel less like a goal and more like a natural extension of love, connection, and everyday closeness.

5 common reasons your wife may not feel aroused

When intimacy feels a bit out of sync, it’s often because life, stress, or emotions are quietly getting in the way. Understanding these shifts can help you learn how to get your wife back in the mood with patience, compassion, and a deeper awareness of what she truly needs.

1. There’s no connection

The connection between couples is important. It’s one of the things that will turn a woman on when you’re getting intimate with each other. Without this connection, it will be hard to get turned on. It’s like you’re doing it with someone who is far from you.

• Think about it: The connection we are talking about is achieved through the different types of intimacy. It’s not just about talking and doing things together. Building a strong connection is what it is all about.

2. She doesn’t feel beautiful or sexy

Learning how to get your wife in the mood will be challenging if she doesn’t feel beautiful or sexy. It’s one of the most common reasons sexual intimacy is harder to achieve.

• Think about it: If you have children, her body has transformed. Often, she may look in the mirror and see those changes. She’s aware of this and may continually compare herself with other women. This causes her to lose her self-confidence and, thus, makes it harder for her to appreciate sex.

3. She doesn’t get turned on

Do you know how to turn on your wife? There may be instances where one would jump into action without considering the needs of their spouse.

• Think about it: Some women need more time to get turned on than others, and if their desires aren’t met, then don’t expect them to get turned on. Remember, getting her turned on is also hard work.

4. She’s tired or depressed

Are you having challenges in your married life? Do you already have kids? Being a mother is emotionally taxing, tiring, and stressful.

• Think about it: Your wife might be under a lot of stress, may experience depression, or may be just exhausted. In cases like this, you might consider marital therapy to address these issues. You’ll also benefit from therapy or counseling on how you can help your spouse battle their stress or depression.

5. She’s more focused on her duties

To learn how to turn on your wife after years of marriage, you first need to understand where she is coming from. Their priorities change, and they try to be the best mother they can be. 

• Think about it: Unfortunately, they might occasionally lose sight of their husband-and-wife connection in this process. This is one of the most common causes why they don’t get turned on easily.

How to get your wife in the mood: 21 best ways

Reigniting intimacy often starts with understanding what your partner emotionally responds to—comfort, affection, patience, or simple presence. 

When you explore how to get your wife back in the mood with empathy instead of pressure, closeness begins to feel effortless again. Small shifts in connection can open the door to deeper, more natural desire.

1. Be a flirt

She’s your wife, and it’s okay to flirt with her even in public! It’s fun, and you have to give it a try. What we mean here is that subtle flirting, like making sexy eye contact, touching her hand, or even whispering sexy words to her in the elevator. Surprise her with your actions.

• Quick tip: Hold her gaze for three extra seconds when she looks at you.

2. Give her a surprise treat

Dedicate one day to your wife. Prepare the best atmosphere on how to get your wife in the mood for sex, but before that, treat her with a little surprise. 

Make her dinner, drink wine, and ask her to go to you in the room and massage her oh so slowly. 

• Quick tip: Light a candle and play soft music before she enters the room.

3. Sweet messages

You might think that sending her text messages is old-fashioned, but it works wonders. Surprise her and send her sweet messages, entice her, and in no time, you might find yourself teasing each other, and you can’t wait to see each other at home to have a sexy time.

• Quick tip: Text her one flirty line in the middle of the day.

4. Go on a date

Being married and seeing each other every day may seem quite boring, right? Go on a date, and have someone take care of the kids(if you have) for a few hours. Spend quality time together, and in no time, you might find yourself drawn to her arms.

• Quick tip: Schedule one mini-date this week, even if it’s just coffee.

5. Kiss her

Women love passionate kisses and foreplay too! Take time and get to know her body. 

Please familiarize yourself with her erogenous spots by flirting and touching her. In no time, you’ll see how she wants to beg for more.

• Quick tip: Start with a slow kiss on her neck before moving to her lips.

6. Tease her

If you want to know how to turn on your wife, tease her. Nothing can be more effective than teasing her, slowly touching her, kissing her well, and then stopping. Keep it so slow and let the magic begin.

• Quick tip: Whisper “later…” in her ear and walk away smiling.

7. Open up

Getting your wife in the mood also requires communication. This is where you open up and feel at ease talking to your spouse about what you want, what you crave, and what turns you on. 

This way, you can work on the issues and feel comfortable talking about what can make you happy.

• Quick tip: Ask her, “What makes you feel most desired by me?”

8. Focus on foreplay

We can’t stress enough how important foreplay is. Foreplay is one of the essentials of increased libido and sexual appetite. Don’t skip foreplay, and instead, be better at it. There can be so many tricks that can turn on a woman, and most of them start with foreplay. 

• Quick tip: Spend at least 10 minutes on foreplay before anything else.

9. Be partners

Do you want to know a secret on how to turn on your wife after years of marriage? Be her partner in your marriage. So, the best way to turn her on is by helping her. 

This way, she’ll have time for herself, and she can take long baths, relax, and have time to get in the mood with you.

• Quick tip: Handle one chore she usually does without being asked.

10. Talk about your fantasies

Fantasies are normal. We all have them. Since you’ve started talking and opening up, find the right time to discuss your fantasies. This will ignite your carnal desires and spark some naughty ideas that you can share. 

• Quick tip: Ask her to tell you one thing she’s curious to try.

11. Introduce sex toys

Remember that in communicating with your wife, you also need to listen. If you know that she’s open to trying out sex toys, then schedule the right time to try it out. You can discuss what types of sex toys you can first try, and slowly increase what you can tolerate. 

• Quick tip: Pick one toy together online and agree to try it this weekend.

12. Buy sex furniture

When you’re done trying out sex toys and discover how fun it is to have them, maybe you’ll also consider sex furniture. Whenever you’re ready, you can add one to your bedroom. Try out an adult sofa; we’re sure you’ll love it.

• Quick tip: Watch one review video together and discuss what you like.

13. Try role-playing

What gets a woman in the mood is lots of imagination. Why not try role-playing? You can start by fulfilling your fantasies. Then, if you get the hang of it, you can move on to the more daring ones, with costumes and all.

• Quick tip: Choose one mild scenario you both find exciting.

14. Be spontaneous

Sex typically takes place at night. When you’ve finished all of your daily tasks,  but you’re just too tired to be excited and playful! Get your wife in the mood by being spontaneous!

Pull her while she’s folding the clothes, ask her to help in the garage at odd times of the day to make it more exciting!

• Quick tip: Give her a sudden waist hug while she’s doing something ordinary.

15. Stay healthy and fit

If you want to get her in the mood and stay excited in bed, both of you need to stay healthy and fit. No one would appreciate it when you’re already about to reach the climax and lie down because you’re tired.

• Quick tip: Take a 15-minute walk together daily.

16. Play sex games

Try out different sex games that add sexual excitement and engagement to your relationship.Sex games might initially seem overwhelming and intimidating, so you can begin exploring these with something easy.

• Quick tip: Pick one game online and try it for just five minutes.

17. Massage her

If you think your wife is tired or stressed and wants extra loving, massage her first. Work those hands of yours and remove all those tensed muscles. You can use scented or edible oil and finish it with some hand gestures that will make her scream in pleasure. 

• Quick tip: Massage her shoulders for two minutes without expecting anything in return.

18. Cuddle her

Sometimes, the best way to ignite your wife’s carnal desires is to start with hugs, kisses, and cuddles. By allowing her to relax and feel your loving arms, she can feel at ease, sexy, and wanted.

• Quick tip: Pull her close while watching a movie and don’t rush anything.

19. Say, “I love you.”

While cuddling, you can take it up a notch and say those three magical words. Hearing these words has different effects on every person, but we all appreciate them. Making love is different, more satisfying, and more beautiful.

• Quick tip: Say “I love you” softly while holding her face in your hands.

Watch this TED Talk by Etel Leit, a family communication expert, who shares how saying “I love you ” strengthens appreciation, connection, and respect in relationships more consistently.

20. Create emotional safety

A woman’s desire grows when she feels emotionally secure. Be patient, kind, and non-judgmental. When she feels understood and unpressured, intimacy becomes more natural and inviting.

• Quick tip: Ask her, “Is there anything on your mind today that you want to talk about?”

21. Give her space when needed

Sometimes she needs quiet time to decompress before feeling romantic. Respecting her space helps her relax emotionally, making her more open to closeness later.

• Quick tip: Offer, “Take your time—I’ll handle things here while you unwind.”

FAQ

Understandingcan how to get your wife in the mood can be confusing at times, especially when emotions, stress, or daily responsibilities get in the way. These quick answers address common concerns and help you approach intimacy with empathy, clarity, and respect.

• How do I know what actually turns my wife on?

Ask her directly and observe what she responds to—affection, compliments, touch, or emotional supp intimacy ort. Every woman is different, so honest communication works best.

• How do I avoid making her feel pressured?

Move slowly, be patient, and focus on comfort. Let intimacy grow naturally instead of pushing for a specific outcome.

• What should I do if she’s stressed and not in the mood?

Help lighten her load, offer support, and give her space to decompress. When she feels emotionally relaxed, desire returns more easily.

Lasting intimacy

Understanding how to get your wife in the mood isn’t about techniques alone—it’s about nurturing connection every day. Small gestures of care, emotional safety, patience, and genuine affection create the foundation for deeper intimacy.

When you show up with love instead of pressure, desire grows naturally. Over time, these efforts strengthen not just your sex life but the emotional bond that makes your relationship feel warm, steady, and deeply fulfilling.

Marriage.com Assessment

Relationship Test: What Help Does Your Relationship Need Most Right Now?

If your relationship feels off balance, if communication feels harder, connection weaker, or tension more frequent, this assessment can help you understand what’s happening beneath the surface. Grounded in relationship psychology and evidence-...

Questions: 20 | Last updated: Nov 18, 2025

Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

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Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less