Malignant Narcissist: Definition, Signs & How to Deal With Them

It is indeed difficult for anyone to deal with a self-obsessed person in life. They think highly of themselves and treat others badly. They lack empathy and want to rule others, in every way possible.

Narcissism has been in existence for ages, but it is only recently we are seeing more of it. Thanks to the awareness and platforms that provide us with all the possible traits of a narcissist.

There are various kinds of narcissists, amongst them, malignant narcissist, by far, is the most damaging.

Let’s look at the malignant narcissist definition and learn how we can identify them.

Related Reading: 25 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissist

What is a malignant narcissist?

Medically, a malignant narcissist is suffering from a psychological syndrome wherein there is a deadly mix of antisocial behavior, narcissism, sadism, and aggression.

People suffering from this syndrome tend to have a darker side to their narcissism. They want to literally control everyone in their life. They lack empathy and have a poor sense of self.

They’re sadist, antisocial and often have paranoia.

Malignant narcissists are very manipulative and won’t care if they’re hurting people on their way. For them, the world is either black or white which means they either see people as their friend or enemy.

Also, winning is far more important for them than anything else, even if they’re damaging people around them in their desire to win the situation.

When it comes to narcissistic personality disorder, they can go to any measure to safeguard themselves from any loss.

Related Reading: Signs You’re in a Relationship with Someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder

15 traits of a malignant narcissist

One must identify a malignant female or male narcissist so that they can find a way to deal with them.

Let’s have a look at some of the prominent signs of a malignant narcissist to understand them better.

1. Exaggerated self-importance

Confidence is a must, but only if this is kept within limits. Overconfidence is treated as a negative trait.

This is what happens with malignant narcissists. They don’t care if they’ve achievements supporting their confidence, but all they want is to be superior to the people around them.

Related Reading: 10 Ways to Know Your Self-worth in a Relationship

2. Extremely manipulative

Narcissists are manipulative, to a certain degree.

However, in the case of malignant narcissists, they’re extremely manipulative. They want to take advantage of each and every situation, without caring about others’ emotional pain or status at that moment.

Often, they just don’t wait for things to happen. If they see, they’ve to create a certain environment to benefit from it, they would do it without hesitation. Besides, they get a sense of satisfaction by manipulating others and putting them in a painful situations.

According to Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor:

Their manipulation is often calculated, as they exploit vulnerabilities to maintain control and dominance.

This relentless need for power can leave others feeling used and emotionally drained, reinforcing the toxic dynamic in relationships with malignant narcissists.

3. Antisocial

As said earlier, that malignant narcissist is extremely damaging. They’re antisocial and can also be termed malignant narcissist sociopaths.

They are pathological liars, would steal or cheat, and may have volatile moods. They’re always up for an argument or a fight with anyone.

Toxic narcissists are destructive in nature.

Also Try: Antisocial Personality Disorder Test

4. Paranoia

The malignant narcissist just can’t trust anyone. They always doubt every individual they come across.

Often, excessive paranoia leads to a state where they find threats from everyone. They’re more interested in what others are doing or planning than actually focusing on their own life.

5. Attention seeking

Whilst most narcissists would seek attention to a certain level and mostly positive attention, malignant narcissists would not mind having negative attention, as long as they’re getting everyone’s attention. For this, even if they have to be a villain in someone’s life, they won’t mind it at all.

Attention is the most important thing for them, positive or negative, it doesn’t matter.

6. They tend to lie

They display immense confidence and want others to treat them as their superior. In order to achieve this, they won’t shy away from telling lies or falsifying their past achievements. They can make up stories just to remain at the top of the pedestal.

7. They want control over people

This is the result of self-reflection. Since they manipulate others to get their things done, they believe others want to dictate them. So, they want to control their victims as much as they can.

Grady Shumway, LMHC further shares:

Their desire for control stems from a deep-seated fear of losing power, leading them to impose their will on others.

This controlling behavior often manifests in various aspects of their relationships, creating an environment of dependency and submission.

8. They hold grudges

If someone hurts them, malignant sociopaths don’t forget the hurt and insult. They will bear it in their heart and will plan on taking revenge. They simply cannot let go. 

9. They find pleasure in other’s suffering

Malignant narcissists are selfish and will not be a part of your joys. However, they will find pleasure in your suffering or going through some distressing situation. They might even mock or laugh at you and poke fun just to derive some sadistic pleasure.  

10. They don’t accept their fault

They have the tendency to hide the truth and become defensive when someone points out their fault. They will never accept their mistake and instead, become enraged and rather shift the blame on someone else.

11. They have many rivals

Malignant narcissists have a lot of enemies because of their personality disorder, thereby, their behavior makes them intolerable. They easily get hurt and hurt people intentionally which does not help them build fruitful relationships and makes them earn many enemies.

12. Concerned about their appearance

They are very particular about their looks and seek validation. You will always find them drowned in materialistic pleasures because that is their armor against the world. 

13. Hidden insecurity

Malignant narcissists have many insecurities within but they will never reveal them. They will wear the mask and appear tough. They will also be destroying relationships and hurting people as a way to protect themselves from losing control.

Check out the signs that suggest a narcissist’s deep insecurity:

14. Can’t handle criticism

They cannot bear criticism because they like to control. They will act defensively and even lash out on any occasion of someone blaming them, even if it’s constructive.

15. Lack empathy

Malignant narcissists do not have any empathy for anyone. They do not feel anyone’s pain because of their self-obsessed nature.

Grady Shumway highlights that:

This lack of empathy can lead to toxic relationships, as they are unable to understand or validate the feelings of others. Their self-absorption prevents them from forming genuine connections, leaving those around them feeling neglected and isolated.

Their personality disorder does not allow them to lend emotional support to the ones in need.

Related Reading: 10 Ways on How to Cope With Lacking Empathy in Relationships

5 causes of malignant narcissism disorder

There can’t be one specific cause of malignant narcissism, but it’s important to navigate through different reasons that can lead to the condition so that the solution or the course of treatment can be decided. Here are some causes of malignant narcissism:

• Excessively pampered parenting
• Excessively strict parenting
• Childhood trauma and abuse
• Personality and temperament
• Genetics

How to deal with a malignant narcissist?

1. Move away

If you’re in a relationship with a female malignant narcissist, then the best way to deal with it is to just move away. We have seen by now that they possess negative traits and can go to any extent to control your life.

It will be a toxic relationship if you continue to be in one. So, prepare and make a smooth exit.

2. Seek help

Whilst one can easily walk away from a relationship, leaving behind a malignant narcissist mother or father is going to be a tough job. The solution, in this case, is to reach out for help.

Contact professionals and ask for their help. They’re the ones who can guide you and can help you keep up your spirit in such a situation.

Also Try: When to Walk Away From a Relationship Quiz

3. Make no contact

Once you’ve walked out of a relationship, don’t make the mistake of keeping in touch.

In the case of extreme narcissism, they would want to control you in any way and won’t mind taking extreme measures to do so.

So, make sure that you’re broken all contact and are not in touch with them at all.

4. Be prepared for the outcome

It is not going to be easy to deal with a covert malignant narcissist. So, if you’ve identified them and are ready to make an exit, calculate all possible outcomes.

Make sure you’re prepared for the result and are ready to face it, no matter what.

5. Don’t internalize the insult

Know that malignant narcissism is a personality disorder. So, they will always have selfish concerns in whatever they speak. They might even blurt out things just to hurt the other person. So, don’t take things personally because they don’t put their mind to whatever they speak.

Treatment of malignant narcissism

Malignant narcissism, being a disorder, is treated using psychotherapy, which is also called talk therapy.

Psychotherapy helps in understanding the degrees of narcissism and emotions better. It will also help with the causes of why negative emotions arise. Besides, it will help in restoring relationships eventually and making them healthy.

Usually, people with malignant narcissism do not accept their problem. So, it’s better to discuss openly and make them aware so that they become willing to change.

Related Reading: 6 Reasons to Get Professional Marriage Counseling Advice

Wrapping it up

Dealing with a malignant narcissist can be hard, but with the right approach and therapy, they can overcome the issue. However, the first step remains the acknowledgment. If you decide to deal with them, make sure you are calm and do not internalize their comments.