1. How do you feel when you are with them?
A. I feel safe and know that even if we fight, we will talk it out eventually.
B. Like on a rollercoaster – I am constantly on the alert, I feel drained and worried, even worthless at times.
C. I feel pretty okay, as I make sure that I am in control so nothing can get me off guard.
2. What is your attitude towards their family and friends?
A. I don’t care about them and don’t want them messing up our lives.
B. I am trying to get to know them and keep a good tone of voice.
C. They eat very much or very little, or have nightmares, wake up often, or can’t fall asleep at night.
3. When you and this person go out in public-
A. We mostly have a good time with other people, no drama.
B. I finally get the chance to complain about them in front of other people.
C. They make offensive comments about me in front of other people and then laugh it off.
4. When in an argument, do you tend to second-guess yourself?
A. Rarely, as I am very aware of my position.
B. Actually, I do that all the time.
C. Of course not; I’m always right.
5. Do you sometimes put the other person’s needs before your own?
A. I am more important than others - so my needs always come first.
B. We both do that for the other and still respect our own needs.
C. I do that all the time - I may even be forgetting to take care of myself in the process.
6. When they fail at something, you-
A. I support them through the bad stuff and then motivate them to keep moving on.
B. I try to console them, although they have never done it for me.
C. I tell them that they are not good enough and they should not expect anything different.
7. If they tell you that what you’re doing is not good or you are being a certain way, you-
A. I feel guilty and worthless. I will do everything to fix things.
B. How can they say such a thing? It’s not me; it’s them that are being like this.
C. I recognize my fault. I think of ways to do better next time and think objectively.
8. Does the phrase ‘You are too sensitive’ sound familiar to you?
A. Yes, they love saying that to me when I stand up for myself.
B. I recognize it but not in my relationships with people.
C. Of course, I use it all the time.
9. How about denying that something ever happened?
A. Most of the time, I recall a completely different situation.
B. If one of us is tired or distracted, yes.
C. They refuse to admit that they have said or done something, so they say I am the crazy one.
10. In a situation when you feel your personal space and rights have been violated, you-
A. Freeze completely and rarely say something to defend yourself.
B. Stand up for yourself and exert healthy boundaries.
C. You can always twist it and become the powerful side.