Let’s take a deep dive into how to get the husband to do chores without nagging and sharing household chores with the husband.
Unequal household chores distribution can erode a marriage
A big part of understanding how to get the husband to do chores without nagging is to accept the importance of household chores. When you’re married and living under the same roof as your husband, duties around the house become a big part of the relationship.
Since household work is repetitive, tedious, and thankless (as a job), it can quickly become a major stressor in a marriage if not dealt with properly.
The good news is that it isn’t too late! No matter how long you’ve been married, the question of how to get your husband to do chores without nagging is always valid.
If you’re the one doing most of the household chores, it means that you have to dedicate a considerable amount of time to an unpaid job! There’s no monetary compensation.
If you have a career apart from doing housework (like your husband), it can be all the more frustrating! When a partner in a marriage is unhappy about household work allocation, the stress level in the home can increase significantly.
When it comes to getting the husband to do chores without nagging, it’s mostly about seeking and establishing equality in the marriage.
Inequality in household work distribution, with the wife handling more or all housework, can make a wife feel bothered and upset. This is because it may seem like she doesn’t get any free time or days off, unlike the husband who gets the weekend off from his work.
It can create resentment in the marriage. The wife may resent the husband because it may seem to her that he doesn’t bother or care about their home.
Before acknowledging and looking into how to get the husband to do chores without nagging, let’s answer the question: should husbands help with housework?
Yes! Yes, they should.
Now you may be wondering how this applies to wives that stay at home. The answer to the previous question is still yes for homemakers!
It’s because housewives are always working! Housewives don’t have breaks or holidays like their employed husbands. A husband doing housework is about establishing equality in the relationship.
It’s also about making more space for housewives to relax and take breaks and not feel overburdened with the frustration of having to execute an unpaid, never-ending, and repetitive job.
So yes, the question of how to get the husband to do chores without nagging is equally applicable to housewives!
How can household chores be shared?
So, how to get the husband to do chores without nagging?
Yes, emphasis on the “not nagging” part of the question. When it comes to chores for husbands, let’s first focus on what you shouldn’t say or do as a wife to your husband when it comes to housework.
Nagging will not at all help for husband household chores. It just won’t.
Another important thing to remember is that beginning the discussion about household chores with “why” questions like “Why don’t you care?” or “Why don’t you help?” is also counterproductive when it comes to how to get the husband to do chores without nagging.
It’s because your husband will feel attacked, threatened, and ashamed about it and get extremely defensive.
Apart from focusing on what not to do when it comes to how to get the husband to do chores without nagging, let’s also go to the root cause of why men don’t feel as bothered about household chores as a woman.
It’s because of centuries of existing gender norms that people are hardwired to follow. The men were responsible for hunting from an evolutionary perspective, and women were gatherers.
Besides, childhood training and exposure are other prevalent causes of this housework negligence. In the earlier generations, children were brought up in households where the mother did most of the housework and the father worked for money.
The husband and housework: 15 simple ways to share household chores
Now that we’ve covered some important facts and no-no for how to get your husband to help around the house, let’s look into the different ways in which you can effectively split household responsibilities with your beloved.
Tell him about how long it takes to get things done and the whole host of responsibilities that you have to carry out.
2. Make lists
This is the most objective and constructive way of equally distributing housework between you and your beloved. Once you’ve conveyed the necessity of chores, sit down together and come up with a chore list for couples.
A chore list for husband and wife is a fantastic way to stay on track with all the responsibilities around the home.
3. Switch roles
Sometimes, just talking about housework and making lists aren’t enough. If you’re dealing with a husband who undermines the effort and time taken to do housework, switch roles with him.
Let him experience what you have to do throughout the week so that he can be more empathetic about it.
Let him know that you appreciate that he is trying to do chores.
Here’s how you can stop fighting over household chores:
6. Cater to his interests
If you notice that your husband has good organization skills, allocate chores pertaining to that. This can include meal prepping, decluttering, grocery shopping, etc.
7. Don’t micromanage
If you’ve split the household chores, focus on your chores. Don’t try to hover over him when he’s doing his chores. It’s important to understand that he’s not “helping” you with chores. It’s his responsibility too.
If you micromanage him, he’ll get frustrated and tell you to do his share of chores.
8. Teach him
A major component of getting your husband to do chores, especially if he’s very new to this role, is to teach him how he can execute his chores. This is important for avoiding learned helplessness from his end.
Be patient. Teach him. Watch him learn.
9. Give him credit
It’s always important to appreciate your husband’s efforts with household work. It works as reinforcement. And in this way, he will also appreciate your efforts around the household.
10. Make it fun
Injecting some fun into household chores never hurt anyone! Having fun, for example, by allocating chores based on who wins a round of Uno or any other game can be fun!
Another example is having a small competition to see who completes their household chores first!
If you’re both employed individuals and find it very difficult to chalk out time for housework, consider getting a househelp, if it’s feasible.
12. Acknowledge why it’s hard
Even with a list of household chores for couples, if you see that your husband isn’t taking his share of responsibilities seriously, it’s good to let him know that housework is difficult.
It may be why he is slacking off. Tell him that feeling more tired or stressed with his added responsibilities is normal.
13. Lead with your feelings
Let him know how you would feel when you had to do most of the chores independently. It might open your husband’s eyes.
14. Do chores together
Splitting chores is a fantastic way to spend time together as a couple. You and your husband will have the opportunity to spend quality time together while taking care of the house!
15. Structure with flexibility
When it comes to learning how to manage household chores with your husband, you both need to talk about the fact that there might be situations or times when something else comes up (like a work emergency).
Let each other know that it’s alright for one partner to take over housework for that time in those situations.
These tactics, as mentioned above, are instrumental in learning how to get the husband to do chores without nagging. Beyond the aforementioned tactics, consider marriage counseling to navigate your way through this.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Rachael Pace is a noted relationship writer associated with Marriage.com. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment in the form of motivational articles and essays. Rachael enjoys studying the evolution of loving partnerships and is passionate about writing on them. She believes that everyone should make room for love in their lives and encourages couples to work on overcoming their challenges together.