Intimacy arises from your experiences together
Intimacy is something that is often required in a relationship and missed when it’s absent. But relationship intimacy is not something that is often focused on, or consciously addressed by couples in a relationship and to make matters more complicated, intimacy can often be misunderstood too. Often boxed into sexual matters without taking into consideration all of the other, and very important ways that intimacy takes place inside a relationship.
Relationship intimacy may start to develop from a sexual attraction in the early stages after all that’s how you present your most vulnerable self in those stages. But as time passes, intimacy arises from your experiences together, how you plan together, and in understanding those little nuances, and reactions that only come from somebody who knows you intimately.
If you want to enhance your relationship intimacy, here are a few ways to consciously develop and retain intimacy in your relationship.
1. Remember why you fell in love in the first place
Make a point to always remember why you fell in love in the first place, so that in times of trouble, distance, or conflict you’ll have a much better chance of working through it together. Just switching your state of mind towards loving and appreciating each other, will soften the edges of a relationship and help you both to stay committed to each other and intimate with each other.
2 Build a communication strategy between you
Communication can be a challenge for the best of us, and can be as much the cause of distance in a relationship as it can be the creator of relationship intimacy. Learning how our communication confuses, annoys, or inspires each other, can help us correct our communication.
In some cases it can open the floor to discuss why we communicate like we do, and how it affects each other – which might just diffuse some arguments. Learning how to communicate with each other in a loving and intimate way will elevate your relationship intimacy to levels you haven’t seen before.
3. Develop a code word for times when one is not ‘hearing’ the other
There are times in a relationship where one partner might consider the other to be overreacting, joking, or even nagging about an issue. Which then causes them to minimize the situation. Of course, if the other partner is serious this can be a great cause of conflict and drive a distance into the closest of couples. Agreeing to a code word that is private between you will allow you to flag up to your partner that you are very serious about an issue. The code word can also be used to let each other know when they are serious about leaving an event, or aid in the art of negotiation.
To retain the power of the code word, it should only ever be used in serious situations, and never used as a joke, or to force your will onto the other party. When used correctly though, it enhances your relationship intimacy because you both know that you’ve got a code word that you can use in a situation that is too extreme, or frustrating for you. It almost creates a security blanket for you to feel more comfortable in being vulnerable and in trusting each other.
4. Work hard every day to be there for and invest in your partner
If both of you work hard every day to hold the best interests of your partner in mind. To support them physically, emotionally and mentally, and you are both committed to doing this, you’ll find that the trust and the intimacy in your relationship grows – just because you can rely on the other person to have your best interests at heart.
5. Plan to have regular date nights
It’s easy to get carried away with life, hobbies, work and family. You are both individuals living an individual life but coming back together at the end of the day. It’s easy to forget that you need to reconnect with each other. Especially when it comes to retaining your relationship intimacy and a sense of closeness between you.
Making time to have regular date nights if you are parents, or to make the effort to get dressed up and go out if you are a couple, who have just got a little bit too comfortable with the sofa! This will not only bring you closer and more intimate together but will also keep the spark burning between you and make you feel good when you enjoy a lovely night out.
6. Tell each other regularly that you appreciate and love each other
Intimacy requires trust, not just trust that you can have your partner have your back, protect you or be honest with you, but you also need to know that they hold you emotionally, that they appreciate you and love you. In the same vein, your partner needs the same from you and in doing so, you’ll keep your relationship alive and your intimacy something wonderful.
7. Create traditions between you and stick to them
Creating traditions, such as celebrating the night you first met, your anniversary, holding a family bbq each year. Revisiting a beautiful location for a weekend, or setting aside one weekend per year (or more if you can stretch to it) to explore the world. Even little traditions such as the partner who cooks less regularly makes the effort to cook breakfast on a Sunday.
Perhaps each weekend you enjoy a special walk together. Traditions create sacred memories, and stop the weeks rolling into years. So if you are not one who celebrates traditional celebrations, create your own, more meaningful celebrations and watch how the experiences and memories bring you closer and enhance your relationship intimacy.