Finding out that your husband has been unfaithful to you is one of the most devastating discoveries you can experience in marriage.
Is it even possible to learn how to deal with a cheating husband when everything you ever thought about your spouse now seems like a big lie?
What can you expect in the days and months after you find out your husband has been cheating on you?
Would you still choose to be in an unfaithful relationship, or would you pack your bags and leave for good?
With all the extreme emotions that you’re feeling, it’s hard to stay strong, think clearly, or about coping with infidelity.
As hard as it may sound, it is possible. With great determination and wisdom, you can clear out the situation a bit.
How does one deal with a cheating husband?
Discovering that your husband has been with another woman can rock your sense of self and marriage to the core.
We can’t even bring ourselves to imagine the pain when we discover that the man we love has been sleeping with and having a relationship with another woman.
People who reportedly discover that their partner is cheating have experienced extreme feelings of disorientation and a sense that everything has changed. Physically, you may have trouble sleeping and a loss of appetite.
You may have problems concentrating, too.
Understandably, you won’t even be able to bring yourself to know how to deal with a cheating husband, let alone what you can say to him.
What questions to ask a husband who cheated? How to deal with a cheating husband that you love?
Someone who has dealt with this pain would say that showing compassion and kindness is absurd, but if you can, then do so.
Before it comes to where you have to decide whether to stay, you need to listen and talk about what happened.
After his explanation, you can start asking him all the questions that are on your mind.
“When did it start?”
“How long have you been cheating on me?”
“Do you love her?”
Be prepared for your spouse’s answers. Some of these may feel like sharp knives piercing your heart, but if not now, when is the right time to confront the issue?
8. Call in some support
What to do if your husband is cheating on you? Find your true support.
If you are comfortable sharing this delicate information with those close to you, line up some support from your close circle of friends and family.
If you have children, perhaps a family member can take them for a couple of days while you and your spouse discuss the aftermath of his infidelity.
Maybe you need to be taken care of, and reaching out to your friends to ask them to help you through this moment would be essential to your well-being.
However, this is also fine if you want to move through it alone.
Some women do not want this information to be public; if that is your case, if you are a more private person, that is ok.
9. Have yourself checked for STDs
Here is an important element about what to do when your husband is cheating. Have yourself checked for sexually transmitted diseases.
This step is often omitted because of the powerful emotions, stress, and issues between the couple.
However, this is very important. You don’t want to wake up one day and realize that you’ve contractedSTDs.
So, as soon as you discover your husband’s cheating frenzy, get yourself tested.
This is for your peace of mind and well-being.
10. Take all the time you need
One of the best ways how to cope when your spouse cheats on you is to give yourself time.
During the first few days or weeks, you’ll cry and will lose your appetite. You will also feel that heavy pain and anger inside.
This wouldn’t be the best time to talk with each other. You need time to set a safe zone before finally discussing the affair.
“How do I get over my husband cheating?”
The answer will depend on you. Time and spiritual strength will help you forgive on your terms.
Don’t force yourself into forgiving or trying to get back to normal. Take all the time you need.
11. The conversation
What to do to a cheating husband? Allow him to explain once.
When you are ready, let your husband know that you want to have a sane conversation about this life event.
“Sane” is a keyword here.
You do not want this conversation to degenerate into an emotional minefield, with histrionics and name-calling being your maincommunication techniques. You are hurt. And when you are hurting, it is natural to want to attack the person responsible for that hurt.
The problem with that is that it will make this important conversation counterproductive. So breathe deeply and count to three when about to say something that you may regret down the line.
If you don’t feel capable of reigning in your hot emotions, make an appointment with a marriage counselor. This conversation will be much healthier when done with the expert guidance of someone with vast experience in the field of post-infidelity recovery.
12. Think about your needs and wants
When your husband cheats, you may feel like he is holding all the power cards. Is he going to leave you for another woman? What can you do to “keep” him? Is he telling you he is torn between the two of you and doesn’t know what to do?
All of this can make you feel like you are a victim. Guess what? You aren’t! Remind yourself that you have a say in what your future will look like. He does not hold all the power here.
Take some alone time and think about what you want from this marriage. Reflect on how you got to this place. Maybe the relationship wasn’t so great after all, and it is time to go your separate ways.
Maybe you can use this crisis to invent the next chapter in your marriage with a large dose of forgiveness and somemarriage counseling sessions.
Use this critical juncture to carve out a plan for what you want your future to look like. Will it be with him or without him? Don’t let him unilaterally make this decision for the two of you.
When a husband cheats on you, it’s hard to see yourself move forward with your spouse. With all that has been said and done, you will have to decide whether to give it another chance or end the relationship.
You know yourself better than anyone else. Don’t say yes if you’re still in pain or you know you won’t be able to move on.
It’s your future.
It’s not easy to forgive, but if you do, you’re doing yourself a favor. This is why Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes explains the process of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in this video:
14. Get counseling
How can I stay strong when my husband cheats?
What if you want to know how to deal with a cheating partner but know you still need help?
The best course of action is for both of you to sign up for couples therapy.
Together, you’ll understand the hardships that you’ve gone through. Thelicensed therapist will also help you appreciate each other and how you can stand up and try again.
15. Above all, practice self-care
How do I love my husband after he cheated? Is it still possible to reconcile?
As you progress through this trauma, prioritize yourself and your well-being. Now more than ever.
Before you think about second chances, think of yourself first.
Eat healthfully, caring for your body with plenty of fresh fruit, vegetables, and whole foods. Do not dive head-first into Ben and Jerry’s. While it may feel good while going down and distract you from the pain of infidelity, it will do nothing beneficial for you in the long term.
Move your body with daily exercise – walk, run, dance, stretch, or do yoga or Pilates. This will keep the feel-good endorphins flowing and help burn off some of those hurt emotions. Hang out with good, positive people who will sit with you when you need company.
This is a sensitive time in your life, and you need to handle yourself with care.
16. Understand the root cause
Take a closer look at why the infidelity happened. It’s not about placing blame but understanding the factors that led to it.
Was it a lack of communication, unmet needs, or external pressures? Addressing the root cause helps in making meaningful changes and preventing a recurrence.
17. Trust your instincts
Your gut feelings are like a personal compass. If something feels off, pay attention. Trust your instincts—they’re often trying to tell you something important.
Whether it’s a sense of unease or suspicion, acknowledging and exploring these feelings with care can guide you in making informed decisions about your relationship.
Discovering infidelity in your relationship can be incredibly challenging. Let’s tackle some common questions with straightforward answers, offering support and clarity during tough times.
What should you do when your husband cheats?
First, take a breath. Then, consider your feelings. Communicate openly, decide if you want to rebuild trust, seek counseling, and prioritize self-care. The path forward is unique to your emotions and needs.
What does God want me to do if my husband cheated?
Seeking spiritual guidance? Open a dialogue with your faith, pray for strength, and consider seeking counsel from a religious leader or community for wisdom and support as you navigate this difficult situation.
What can I do legally if my husband is cheating on me?
Legal steps vary. Consulting an attorney can provide guidance on your options. Keep records, understand your rights, and explore legal avenues based on your circumstances to make informed decisions about your future.
How do you punish a cheating husband?
Thinking how to make a cheating husband suffer? Well, don’t!
Punishment may not be the solution. Focus on healing and rebuilding trust. Consider counseling, establish boundaries, and communicate openly. Revenge rarely brings lasting satisfaction, whereas rebuilding can lead to a stronger, healthier relationship.
Stay firm, stay strong!
After all the pain and hurt, sometimes, you still want to give it a chance and learn how to deal with a cheating husband.
Deep inside, you want to try again, but how?
Through all these 15 steps, you’ll understand that time is your best friend, and you need to love yourself first before you can love another person again.
From there, learn to forgive on your terms, seek professional help, and finally decide what you think is best for you, your spouse, and your kids.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.