10 Tips on How Long Does It Take to Get Over Infidelity

Marriage comes with several obstacles and challenges that a couple may find hard to overcome.

Most couples find ways to cope with these hurdles, but infidelity is where many couples draw the line. Many couples don’t even consider getting past infidelity as an option and call it quits. 

Meanwhile, others find forgiveness and ways to move on and do better in life. How long does it take to get over infidelity? How do you get over infidelity by a spouse? Read on to know more.

According to Grady Shumway, a licensed mental health counselor:

Healing from infidelity is a deeply personal journey, and there’s no set timeline for recovery.

With patience, open communication, and commitment to healing, many couples can rebuild trust and emerge stronger, though the process can take time.

Moreover, to understand the reasons for infidelity, watch this video.

Exactly how long does it take to get over infidelity?

If you’re wondering how long does it take to get over infidelity in a marriage, you should know that it is not something that happens overnight or anytime soon.

Forgiveness and healing come with due time, and it takes effort and teamwork to overcome this great hurdle. It might be a tough thing to do, but it isn’t impossible. But then again, the path of understanding and compromises is a challenging one.

Time and again, you might ask yourself if you’re doing the right thing or if it is even worth it, but the harder the journey, the more rewarding the destination.

All you will need is patience and a big heart.

Is it impossible?

Marriage therapists report that most couples who come to them with reports of their spouses’ infidelity think their marriage won’t last. But a surprising number of them find this downfall as a step to rebuild their relationship. Therapists say there is no easy answer to getting over infidelity. Nothing is simple about getting together the pieces of your shattered trust and building it up again right from the start.

Four essential stages of healing after an affair 

Healing does not happen overnight. Moreover, healing is also not linear. Some days you may feel like you are already over it, while the very next, you may find yourself curled up in bed crying and grieving over it. 

However, there are four stages in which healing from infidelity happens. These are –

• Discovery
• Grief
• Acceptance
• Reconnection

To know more about it, read this article.

Ten tips on how to get over infidelity

Getting over infidelity is not easy. Therefore, you may want to use all the help you can. Here are ten tips on how to get over infidelity by a spouse.

Why do people cheat? This research highlights the proneness of one to cheat in a marital relationship.

1. Honesty is the best policy

How to move past cheating? Be honest with each other.

The saying does not exist for nothing. If you really wish to get over infidelity in a relationship, one of the most important things to do is be honest. The cheater and the spouse they cheated on should be very honest about what happened, what led to it, and where they want to go.

If you do not talk honestly with each other, the relationship is likely to go down.

Grady Shumway, LMHC, further shares:

Honesty lays the foundation for rebuilding trust and understanding in a relationship after infidelity. Both partners need to openly address their feelings, motivations, and expectations for moving forward to heal and create a stronger bond.

2. Establish intent

Another important tip regarding getting over infidelity is to establish intent. 

Do you both want to work out your relationship? 

Does any of you want an out? 

How do you want to deal with this?

These are some questions you need to ask and make a decision on.

3. Grieve

As humans, one of the first things we try to do when something bad happens is to get through it. However, sometimes, we are so caught up in getting through it that we forget to process our emotions.

How long does it take to get over an affair?

It might take long, but the process begins when you finally start grieving.

You may do this when you discover your spouse has cheated on you. 

However, you should take a step back from the situation and grieve instead of trying to fix it right away. If you do not, you will project your unprocessed emotions on your future relationship with your spouse or other people.

Related Reading: 10 Things That Need to Happen When Grieving a Relationship

4. Acceptance

Another important tip when it comes to dealing with infidelity is acceptance. While it is tough, half the problem goes away when you finally accept what has happened. When you accept the situation, you stop questioning why and how it might have happened and are able to look at a solution.

5. Work on rebuilding trust

Another important tip when it comes to getting over infidelity is working on rebuilding trust. It cannot happen overnight, and you may need to put in a lot of effort, especially because it was lost.

6. Understand the reasons

While infidelity can really harm a relationship, it does not happen for nothing. Infidelity can mean some problems in the marriage that need to be addressed. You may need to understand where you and your partner went wrong and try to rectify those problem areas.

Related Reading: Understanding The Real Reasons Behind Conflicts

7. Focus on yourself

Infidelity can really harm your self-worth and make you question things about yourself. Therefore, as important as rebuilding your relationship, it is also important to focus on yourself. 

Finding time to do things that make you feel better – working out, spending time with family and friends, reading, etc., can help you disconnect from the relationship troubles for some time, and recenter.

Infidelity is known to have an effect on your mental health. You must ensure that you can find the right coping mechanisms in order to deal with it.

Grady Shumway highlights that:

Prioritizing self-care is essential to healing, as it helps rebuild your confidence and emotional resilience. By focusing on your own well-being, you not only regain strength but also create a healthier foundation for whatever decision you make about your relationship.

8. Hear them out

It may be challenging, but you should give your partner a chance to tell their side of the story. Hear them out, decide whether or not you want to continue the relationship, and give it another shot.

9. Think it through

Rebuilding a relationship after infidelity is not an easy task. However, it is not impossible either. You can make it work with strong commitment, forgiveness, and the right intent.

10. Seek professional help

To get over infidelity, it is strongly recommended that you seek professional help. Couples counseling can help you see the details of the problems, and a professional can give you the right tools to handle the situation.

How long does it take to get over infidelity by a spouse?

A spouse that has been cheated on feels a pain that isn’t explicable.

One keeps wondering what went wrong and where. Even if they find it in themselves to forgive their spouse, the pain doesn’t end there. The answer is never definite when faced with the question of how long it takes to get over the pain of infidelity. 

If the spouse understands the given reasons and intends to do the marriage work, it takes much less time.

But even then, infidelity remains a scab after a wound, which may peel and bleed even when you think it has healed.

Given enough time and consideration, it takes little time. As they say, no pain lasts forever. When a couple feels like things won’t work, they need to hold on the most. Things get a lot easier if they can manage to get through that.

Couples can work on their relationship and grow as individuals by sharing and talking more about the situation. It is upon you how to deal with the problem at hand. You can look at it as an excuse to fight and let things fall apart, or you can develop a bond stronger than before.

How long does it take to get over cheating?

Or How long does it take to get over being cheated on?

Once again, it may be easier said than done but only partially impossible.

How to get over infidelity

Asking how long does it take to get over infidelity isn’t the right thing to do. It would help if you asked what to do to get over infidelity in a relationship.

Sitting and waiting for things to mend themselves won’t help, nor will distancing yourself from your spouse. Talk to them, work things out and clear things out. The chances are that infidelity comes with an underlying problem in a marriage that has been neglected over time. Figure it out and work on it.

Soon, you’ll stop questioning how long does it take to get over infidelity as long as you progress slowly.

Working things out isn’t always the only option, though. People do resort to other measures. Some couples give up, and others even go down the path of emotional adultery, suing for emotional distress. 

Spouses must remember that those two are options; given the right circumstances, they have an absolute right to either of the two cases.

Not everything can be settled with talk, and if you have tried enough and it doesn’t work, then it may be time to give up.

Can infidelity be avoided? This research highlights a few protective factors that can help.

Do men get over infidelity?

It is a general observation and belief of people that women are always more invested in a relationship than men.

How long does it take to get over a cheating spouse for a man?

If asked how long does it take to get over infidelity for a man, the answer is usually ‘not longer than a woman.’ That may be generally accepted, but not true. Men may take just as long as women, if not more, to get over their cheating spouses. 

Human emotions are ruled by an individual’s mindset more than their gender. So, it is wrong to say that all men would easily get over infidelity, but women wouldn’t.

Wrapping up

Ultimately, it comes down to your intent to make things work with your spouse. Suppose your significant other has gone down the road of infidelity but can explain his reasons and apologize, reassuring you it wouldn’t happen again. In that case, there is no reason why things can’t be mended. Sure it will take time.

The key is to stop focusing on how long does it take to get over infidelity and instead try to focus on communicating and understanding better. Do that the right way for long enough, and things will be sure to work out.