Would you remain loyal to your partner no matter what? For many of us it is hard to even think about cheating on our significant other. But nonetheless infidelity is one of the main causes of divorce. How is that possible? What are the things that drive people to do what they do?
The devastating effect of infidelity
Infidelity can be brutal. Just think about the trust and connection that might be lost forever.
People that have had to deal with cheating spouses can have a hard time trusting members of the opposite sex. They become bitter and resentful.
Why would your significant other decide to cheat on you? After all these years of care, love and intimacy such a decision seems almost impossible, right?
And yet it happens.
And when it does it not only deteriorates trust and intimacy, it can also rips families apart. Just think about what infidelity will do to your children. They look up to their parents and quite possibly see them as perfect examples of how they want to be. If they see that mom is cheating on dad it will be a brutal blow for them.
Infidelity is a brutal, nasty thing. So what drives people to cheat on their partners?
Common causes for infidelity in marriage
There are some common causes for infidelity in marriage. Besides these common reasons there are also some other reasons which are more common among men than among women, and vice versa.
1. Hiding from problems
Running away from problems is one of the major causes of infidelity. It is easier to make excuses than to work things out with your spouse. This opens the door towards emotional affairs. One common example of this is the coworker who offers a shoulder to lean on. This coworker often becomes a participant in an affair.
The Internet makes pornography widely available. You just have to go online and type in a search in Google. It’s that easy.
Watching porn from time to time can seem innocent, but the long-term effects are rather harmful. Porn addiction is one of the main reasons that can lead to infidelity.
You might even be surprised to hear that this is not just a problem that man have. More and more women are reported to suffer from porn addiction.
3. The Internet in general
Apart from porn, the Internet, in general, is a huge factor in infidelity. It has never been easier in the history of mankind to meet other people with no questions asked. There are numerous dating sites and apps, making it very easy to meet attractive members of the opposite sex.
4. Escort services
The amount of available escort services does not seem to decline. Rather, it seems that more and more escort services pop up. Making it very easy for both men and women to meet a member of the opposite sex.
5. Boredom and routine
The drag of everyday life can really weigh people down. Boredom and routine can lead to an affair.
People want to escape from their boring lives and thus they seek pleasure and excitement in extramarital affairs.
Quite possibly, a lot of divorces could have been avoided if the spouses took the time and commitment to communicate and keep things exciting for both of them.
There are more reasons that have been pitfalls for both men and women:
- Growing apart from their partner
- Low self-esteem, insecurity and feeling unappreciated
- Issues with aging
- Issues with body image
Reasons for infidelity in men
For men these are the main reasons for infidelity:
1. He is insecure
He feels too old, too young, too thin, too fat. You name it. He uses both flirtation and porn as ways to feel good about himself. Sometimes this can end up in extramarital sex, just to get a feeling of being desirable and worthwhile.
2. He is damaged
Early childhood traumas can cause him to look for extramarital sex. Physical abuse, neglect or sexual abuse can leave deep scars, causing him to look for sexual intensity to escape from the (mental) pain.
3. He is either bored or overworked
Boredom or being overworked seem like opposites, but as far as infidelity is concerned the results can be the same.
He might think that some excitement is what will make him truly happy. More often than not this results in extramarital infidelity.
4. He wants out
Some men have trouble being direct. They use infidelity as ‘a message’ to show their partner or spouse that it’s time to move on. Or sometimes infidelity comes from the need to have a ‘better’ partner before ending the current relationship.
Reasons for infidelity in Women
For women these are the main reasons for infidelity:
1. She feels ignored, neglected or underappreciated
A woman who feels neglected, ignored or underappreciated might go looking for attention elsewhere. An attractive woman will not have a hard time to get her attention from other males. Appreciation can turn into affection and that can lead to infidelity.
2. She wants more intimacy
A lack of intimacy in a relationship is always a bad sign.
Women feel valued through non-sexual emotional interaction more than men. This includes kissing, touching, cuddling and meaningful communication.
If these intimacy needs are not being met, she might go looking elsewhere. Sometimes resulting in romantic or sexual relationships.
3. She is lonely or bored
Boredom and loneliness are a recipe for disaster.
A lonely and bored woman might decide to go looking for some excitement. Woman have a strong tendency to feel responsible for raising her children. But after they have grown up and left the house a woman (also a man) can feel rather empty inside. She thinks she lost her purpose and decides to use romantic or sexual relationships to fill the void.
4. She does not feel loved or appreciated
Feeling loved and appreciated is one of the core needs of a woman. Some women have very high standards or unrealistic expectations which result in their needs never being met. Instead of relying on one partner they decide to find love or appreciation outside of their marriage.
How to overcome cheating?
The damage that has been done by infidelity is difficult to overcome. But if both the partners commit to change their behavior the marriage can be saved. In most cases marriages that survive infidelity will even become stronger and more intimate.5 Common Reasons for Infidelity
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.