Restoring Emotional Intimacy
Emotional intimacy is often conceived of a spiritual phenomenon, comprising feelings of love, romance, and connection to a partner.
Although it certainly is spiritual for some, emotional intimacy is also a very practical and necessary element of marriage.
Emotional intimacy relates to communication, security, respect, and closeness.
In marriage, couples sometimes find that their daily routines have come to own them, that they are just going through the motions, and they may feel their relationship has suffered. They may even discover something missing, but are unable to identify what it is.
Often the problem is that they are not properly nurturing their relationship, but they fail to realize that the relationship isn’t being properly nurtured.
Indeed, just like plants, relationships need nurturing. They need to be supported and they do require ongoing maintenance.
Many people feel hopeless because they believe that marriage is fundamentally perfect; that the union, if it is right, should never feel dull, should never be lacking.
First, remind yourself that no marriage is perfect.
Even the happiest marriages have ups and downs and even lack in romantic feelings at times. Being married takes work, and if you haven’t been doing your share, it’s time to start. You may have some catching up to do.
Looking for trusted advice and tips on how to restore emotional intimacy?
The tips below will help you in restoring emotional intimacy back in your marriage and get things on track.
1. Work on yourself first
How to regain intimacy if you are ridden with a lack of self-assurance and don’t exude confidence?
The bitter pill of truth is that you can’t enjoy emotional intimacy in marriage, since lack of self esteem affects your relationship with your spouse.
When you feel bad about yourself, your insecurities fuel arguments and conflicts, and you won’t be able to respond positively to your partner.
Do you find yourself googling how to restore intimacy in my marriage? As they say, you must love yourself before you can love a partner.
If you’re wallowing in despair, you aren’t going to affect positive change. The first step is going to have to include going to the gym, taking a class, baking a pie, or seeing a therapist.
The point is, whatever it takes to boost your self-confidence, self-worth, and personal happiness – will be a crucial instrument in your marriage and building emotional intimacy.
Some say that the happiest couples are those that lead their own individual lives, have individual interests, and are generally self-satisfied and happy.
How to bring back intimacy in a marriage?
The key word here is individual. Go out and find yourself and you will find the definite answer to the question, how to bring intimacy back into a relationship.
2. Improve communication
This is the most important work that you and your partner will do, and every marriage can use it to enjoy lasting emotional closeness.
Communication, including empathy, active listening, and awareness of non-verbal cues, are a few important elements to consider.
The type of communication you’ll need to support really depends on the specific needs of your marriage and you’ll have to identify those.
So, how to regain intimacy in your relationship? The first step is to make sure you and your partner are on the same page and your intentions, goal and efforts to rebuild intimacy in a relationship are well-aligned.
If you feel your partner is ready to do the work to enhance emotional intimacy, tell him what you need. If you’re just not there yet, there is plenty that you can do on your own to get things started. If this is the case, your partner may follow your lead.
When intimacy is gone in a relationship and you are looking at effective ways for rebuilding intimacy in marriage, it would be helpful to read a book on communication such as The Five Languages of Love or, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.
These books will give you insights to get you thinking and make some positive changes to regain intimacy in marriage.
3. Schedule time
It goes without saying that you and your partner need to spend quality time together in order to restore emotional intimacy to the marriage.
But how to build intimacy?
Set aside a scheduled time at least once per week to start with. Energize this time with all of your passion and creativity.
Don your nicest outfit, make yourself dazzle.
Plan the time together so that there is no lull in the conversation, no awkward moments of just looking at each other, and absolutely no argument-starters.
It doesn’t matter what you do, as long as it is an enjoyable activity for you both; and on a level at which you can both connect.
If things do not change right away – do not panic, and most importantly, do not give up on efforts towards getting intimacy back in marriage.
In time, you and your partner are sure to reconnect if you are dedicated to the process of emotional intimacy.
4. Be romantic
Being romantic means you perform small but thoughtful gestures that symbolize your love.
Giving love notes, cooking a romantic dinner, or presenting them with a wrapped gift for no other reason than to say “I love you” are examples of romantic behavior and go a long way in rebuilding intimacy.
To enhance emotional intimacy, don’t be afraid to go outside of your comfort zone, exercise some creativity, and then stick with what works.
Intimacy after infidelity
Restoring intimacy after infidelity and putting back the pieces of broken relationship together is an uphill task.
However, if both of you are willing to heal from the affair,rebuild your relationship and make your marriage affair-proof in future, here are a few tips to love again after the rough patch.
- Consult a certified expert who will help you process and overcome the damage infidelity has brought upon your marriage and move towards forgiving the cheating spouse.
- Revisit old places, recreate your early dates and direct energy towards creating new memories and recalling what brought you together in the first place.
- Engage in meaningful and self-revealing conversations about childhood memories, birthdays and anniversary memories, vacations and favorite anecdotes of life.
- As a gradual step, progress towards evaluating what’s missing in your marital life and work at taking corrective steps to deal with it, together as a unit.
- Take up a credible online marriage course from the comfort of your home to help you survive infidelity and rebuild a healthy marriage.
Rekindling intimacy in marriage is not some rocket science.
If something isn’t working, vary the strategy for regaining intimacy. Most importantly, you should not give up as long as both of you are putting in an effort towards restoring intimacy in marriage.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Kelli H
Social Worker
Kelli Hastings is a writer, social worker, and proud advocate for women. She earned
her B.A. degree from the University of Oregon in 2007, and worked as a behavior
support specialist and program manager. She is inspired to support couples,
teach them skills that lead to healthy, happy and romantic partnerships. Her interests include cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, visualization practice, and related therapies.
