“Secrets don’t make friends!”
This message is one that we’ve all heard at one time or another. Whether it was a parent, a teacher, or some actual friend who felt out of the loop; the person delivering the message was trying to get us to keep our secrets to ourselves. But within our close group of friends, there’s an unwritten rule of confidentiality.
What is said here, stays here.
It’s with this notion that you feel free to share every last detail of your life with the people you trust the most. Where should you draw the line, though? There must be certain parts of your life that should remain behind closed doors, right? Absolutely!
Your relationship with your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend is where you should draw the line in the sand. There are certain things that your friends just don’t need to know. For good and bad, better or worse, the finer details of your most important relationship needs to stay in house. Below you’ll find 12 such topics that are off limits for those happy hour gab sessions and Sunday afternoon, beer induced “open mic”s while football is on.
Money is a sensitive subject for just about anyone who doesn’t have a million dollars in the bank. If you and your partner are having issues saving or paying off debt, that’s no ones business but yours. You two should work together to figure out a plan to make it work. If you need some help figuring it out, seek advice from an objective party. By spilling the information to your friends, you’re betraying the trust of the person you’re with. Be tight lipped on this one.
Your partner’s (or your) transgressions
If one of you cheated and you’re trying to make it work, telling your friends about it will most definitely derail the process. Stepping out on the one you love is a universal negative in the world we live in, so you’ll only be inviting judgment into your relationship. No matter how you try to rationalize it with your friends, they won’t understand your perspective. Work through it with your partner only.
Anything that you haven’t cared to share with your partner
He’s not great in bed. She’s a pushover. If there’s some feeling that you have about the person that you’re with, but you haven’t had a conversation with them about it, then it’s off limits for outside conversations. Don’t use your partner’s shortcomings as stand-up comedy material for you and your buddies. If there’s something that bothers you about your wife or husband, be honest with them about it.
Naked selfies and things of the like
If there’s some intimate details of your relationship like some nude photos or racy emails being sent, there’s no need to show any of your friends. Your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife doesn’t need to say “for your eyes only” with each juicy message they send. It’s implied. Understand that they are trying to turn you on, not become a topic of conversation within your social circle.
Your partner’s past
Maybe he cheated. Maybe she had an ugly divorce with her ex. No matter what the issue is, there’s no need to broadcast it. Just because you’ve accepted their past doesn’t mean that your friends will do the same. It’s clear that they’ve put it behind them, so allow it to stay there. By using it as a conversation piece outside of your relationship, you’re betraying their trust in a big way.
Your sex life
What you do behind closed doors with the person you love should remain behind closed doors. To be sexual and intimate with someone is one of the most vulnerable acts a human can expose themselves to. Sharing the details decreases the value of those intimate moments with your partner. No one needs to know how many times you’ve done it in the past month, or how tame or wild it is. If the two of you are happy with how it goes down, that’s all that matters.
Something they’ve shared with you in confidentiality
It should be understood that the level of confidentiality with your spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend is as high as it gets. It’s a safe space where they can share about their friends, family, or coworkers without worry that what they’ve said will be heard by anyone else. If they find out that something they’ve said found it’s way into the ear of someone that isn’t you, the trust in your relationship will be broken. If you break that trust, you’re then encouraging them to keep their thoughts to themselves. This will lead to more secrets, white lies, and a battlefield of discontent. Keep the safe space safe.
Details of the latest fight
No one is perfect. Not you, not your partner, and certainly not your friends and family. Even though we are all aware of this, we all judge those that make mistakes. If you and your partner got into a fight, that’s your business. By telling your social circle or your family, you’re opening the door for judgment. It doesn’t matter who was at fault for the fight. Find a way to fix the problem within your relationship, because by sharing the details, you’re guaranteeing yourself another fight soon. Telling anyone willing to listen won’t solve the problem; working on it with the person you love will.
That awful gift they got you
It’s one thing to dislike the gift they got you, it’s even worse when you tell all your pals about it. Two things could’ve happened when they got you that gift:
- They tried really hard to find something you liked and they missed the mark.
- They didn’t put too much thought into it and the result shows.
If it’s option 1, give them a break. They tried. They’re going to feel terrible that they didn’t do well, and telling your friends will only make it worse.
If it’s option 2, have a conversation with your partner, not your crew. Tell them that you don’t appreciate that they didn’t put much thought in what they got you. You can’t win by using the misfortune of a bad gift as gossip while having a drink with friends.
Your partner’s insecurities
I may sound like a broken record here, but your marriage or relationship is a sacred safe space. Maybe your husband is a little overweight. Maybe your wife is an introvert and isn’t a big fan of social events. Don’t tarnish the trust of your relationship by making these private pieces of them public. It’s hard enough for them to share that insecurity with you, watching you share it with others will undoubtedly break their heart.
How they feel about your friends
This information is on a need to know basis, and your friends most definitely don’t need to know. If your partner isn’t a fan of your friends, it’s not the end of the world. They’re your friends, not theirs. As long as everyone is civil, that’s all that matters. Want to know how to turn things from civil to destructive? Tell all your friends that your guy or girl doesn’t enjoy their company.
Issues with the in-laws
When you get married, you aren’t just merging the lives of two people; you’re joining the lives of two families. What happens within the relationships of those two families shouldn’t be broadcast to your inner circle. Some people have amazing relationships with their in-laws, others have problems from time to time. Don’t let your friends in on which camp you reside in.