Does it feel like communicating with your spouse gets harder as time goes on? Do you often feel like you pass each other but don’t really talk in a given day? If you’re feeling frustrated or lacking the connection that the two of you once had, then you’re at a pivotal point in your marriage. Recognizing that something is amiss is a big part of it, but so too is doing something about it. If you’re not talking like you used to, then it’s essential to get things back on track—and it may not be as hard as you think.
Try to think back on what it was like early in your relationship, for this mindset will help dramatically. Remember the times when you could talk for hours, and then try to get back to that on a more modified level. Recognizing that life has gotten busier, you may both have demanding jobs, kids, and a list of responsibilities, you can still make time to talk to each other. If you crave that connection then work together to create that bond and that communication that you once had, and you will notice right away how much better it makes things. Where there’s a will there’s a way and if you want to make communicating with your spouse easier then be aware of what’s lacking and then use these tips to help you get things back on track!
1. Schedule chat time
If you’re both in a million different directions then you may need to schedule time to talk to each other. Schedule time for phone calls or take the time to call each other when you have a free moment. Schedule a coffee date or a dinner date, or even just a few minutes to sit down and talk to each other about your day.
It sounds silly but as life gets busier, you may find that scheduling time for just the two of you to chat works wonders! You will keep the time like any other appointment, but the key is that you make it a priority and therefore the lines of communication open up with ease. Pretty soon you won’t even have to schedule it, but you will crave this time together and make it happen.
2. Remember why you fell in love
Sometimes a little bit of reflection is in order to make communicating with your spouse easier and more seamless. Think of why the two of you fell in love, and if you can try to get back into that early mindset. Reflect upon what you love about each other and this will help to ignite the passion.
When you are on the same page and reminded of why you are in love, then talking to each other comes more naturally. There is something that made you fall in love and get married—and now you have to get back to that mindset, reflect upon it, and use this as a positive motivator to help you move forward with this person and talk to them more frequently.
3. Speak with love, admiration and respect
Here’s a really important thing to remember though it may sound obvious—your spouse is not your child or somebody that works for you! We often get into the habit of talking down to our spouse or talking AT them, rather than with them. Talk to each other, and be sure that you aren’t just talking all about the functional either.
If you want to make things work then you have to learn to get down to a one-on-one level and really speak to one another with love, admiration and respect. Try to remember what you are to each other and you will quickly get out of the habit of talking to each other as if you are trying to teach, fix, or direct them. It’s a simple tactic that works really well!
4. Make it fun and laugh together
It’s so easy to get caught up in the problems or the serious side of life, but don’t let this rule all. Have fun together, make your conversations enjoyable and focused on things that you both enjoy, and above all laugh together. Talk about pleasant enjoyable things, or talk through things that you enjoy doing together. Life doesn’t always have to be so serious, nor do your conversations. Have a little fun, laugh a little, and enjoy the art of conversation with one another.
5. Sometimes get away from it all
If you want to make communicating with your spouse easier do something that you enjoy together, just the two of you. Get out on a date night, go enjoy a meal together, or grab a cup of coffee and spend time with just one another. This can help the two of you to really talk, enjoy each other, and get outside of all the craziness of life. You will really cherish this time and something as simple as a common hobby can do the trick to get you talking.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Mary Fisher