10 Irresistible Reasons to Stop Explaining Yourself in Arguments

There are times you need to explain yourself, but there are times when explaining yourself makes things worse.

Trying to justify yourself to others is tempting when you get caught doing something wrong. It’s human nature to want to clear your name, especially after you’ve been accused of something. But sometimes, it’s better not to say anything at all. 

It’s not that you should never explain yourself. It’s just that sometimes it’s not a good idea to do so. When you’re in the middle of an argument and want to stop explaining yourself, here are ten reasons why you probably should.

Are you an ‘over explainer’? Yes, that is a term. Found out more about it in this video.

Why should you refrain from explaining yourself?

When you learn to stop explaining yourself, you’re saying, “This is how I feel,” and expecting someone else to believe and accept it. You may not realize this, but this is the psychology behind over-explaining. But nobody knows how you feel except for you! 

Even if they could read your mind and understand what was happening inside you, they still wouldn’t know how it felt — because only you know how that feels. 

So when you explain yourself, you’re wasting time and energy trying to get others to understand something they can never truly understand. You might as well save your breath and keep it moving. 

Think about the driving factor that makes you defensive and insecure whenever you ask yourself, “Why do I always feel the need to explain myself?”

Also, over-explaining yourself only hurts you in the process. It encourages low confidence and insecurity because you don’t feel like what you’re saying is worth saying. You feel like what you’re saying is pointless and not worth anyone’s time. 

It can make you feel like a burden to others, which is the last thing you want when trying to build relationships with people. The more often you explain yourself, the more times you say things that aren’t worth saying — and that hurts everyone involved in the long run.

Lastly, explaining yourself all the time makes you feel like other people are out of your league. You start to feel like they have more important things to do than listen to what you say.

That feeling can be crippling and make it difficult for you to connect with others on a deeper level.

This isn’t to say that you never have to explain yourself. Sometimes it’s necessary, like when someone has done something wrong and needs to hear an apology from you. But for the most part, try to avoid explaining yourself as much as possible.

10 reasons to stop explaining yourself during an argument

It can be tempting to explain yourself when you’re in the middle of an argument. You might try to explain your actions or why you think someone reacted negatively to what you did. 

But there are several reasons you should stop explaining yourself—especially if you want to stop arguing and move on with your day.

1. You base your self-worth on the opinions of others

This is a dangerous way to live because it means that other people’s opinions are dictating your self-worth. When you often feel that you have to justify yourself to other people, it might make you feel bad about yourself and cause anxiety. 

Also, it’s unfair to you—you shouldn’t have to live your life based on other people’s opinions. Instead, base your self-worth on internal factors. 

Take a look at all the good and right things about you, and focus on those qualities. You get back your sense of self-worth and confidence by not explaining yourself. 

Related Reading: 10 Ways to Know Your Self-worth in a Relationship

2. You are losing faith in yourself

When you are constantly explaining yourself, it becomes a pattern of behavior in which you feel you have to justify your choices. This is frustrating and exhausting! 

If someone disagrees with something that you did or said, it does not mean they don’t trust you or think less of you. Instead, don’t explain yourself and try taking responsibility for what happened instead of blaming others for your mistakes.

3. You find it difficult to stay on track

We all make mistakes, but it can be hard to stay on track when you constantly explain yourself. You may not even realize how much time you spend thinking about what others think of you, which means that you might not notice how much effort is being put into this behavior. 

Instead, try taking some time to be alone with your thoughts and reflect on why these issues are so important to you.

4. You may be missing the big picture

It is easy to get stuck in your head and think that everyone is always thinking about you, but this isn’t true. The more time you spend explaining yourself or trying to avoid situations where you might be judged, the less likely it is that you will be able to focus on what matters. 

You may also find that you are starting to lose perspective on how others view you, which means that you might start changing your life based on things that don’t matter as much as you think.

5. You are not being sincere

It is hard to be yourself when you constantly worry about what other people think. This can lead to feeling like a fraud and like you don’t know who you are anymore. 

It also means that you will have less energy for things that truly matter because you are always spending your mental resources trying to ensure that no one judges you poorly. 

So, learning how to stop over-explaining yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. 

6. You feel powerless

You can do whatever you want with your life, but if you allow yourself to be ruled by other people’s opinions, it is easy for them to take that away from you. You are constantly changing to please other people and their opinions instead of standing firm on your beliefs. 

This is a problem because your life doesn’t belong to anyone else. It is yours and should reflect who you are and what you want out of life. If you always try to live up to other people’s expectations, they will take away your power over time.

7. You are in danger of making bad decisions

Life is full of choices, and every single one can hugely impact your life and the lives of those around you. If you allow yourself to be distracted or influenced by the opinions of others, then it can be easy to make poor decisions that negatively affect your life in the long run. 

So if you always feel the need to explain yourself, you are most likely not true to yourself. You may be trying to please other people, or you may feel as though your opinions don’t matter.

8. You are losing touch with what’s important

If the opinions of others are constantly influencing you, it can be easy to lose touch with reality. You may have difficulty making decisions that are right for you, which can lead to an unhealthy lifestyle. 

So if you feel your emotions are not your own, then there is probably a good reason for this happening.

9. You are being very defensive

Constantly explaining yourself because you’re defensive can signify that you are not happy with yourself. 

You may feel you have to justify your actions and statements to keep the people around you happy, but this will only lead to more problems in the future.

Related Reading:- 10 Different Behaviors That Ruin a Relationship

10. You are losing the respect of people around you

Lastly, it would help if you stopped explaining yourself because you’re losing other people’s respect. When you constantly explain yourself, it can come across as if you are not confident with who you are. 

This will make other people think that they know better than you do and may cause them to lose respect for your decisions in the future.

Related Reading: 15 Reasons Why Men Lose The Respect Of Their Wives

The takeaway

In conclusion, it is important to stop explaining yourself because it can lead to several problems in the future. You should learn to trust your instincts and know that you are doing what is best for yourself. 

We know this is easier said than done, but it is a skill you can practice and improve upon. Whenever you find yourself constantly explaining yourself, you should take a step back and consider whether it is necessary to do so.

You can always seek counseling if you need more help learning how to stop over-explaining. They can help you better understand why this is an issue and how to stop doing it. 

They can also provide the tools to practice these techniques in real-life situations.

FAQs

In the following, we’ve answered some of the most common questions about explaining yourself. This should help you understand why it’s important to avoid this behavior and what you can do to stop explaining yourself to others.

Why should I have to justify my behavior?

It would be best if you didn’t have to explain yourself because it will make you feel like you’re doing something wrong. You should be able to do whatever makes you happy without worrying about what other people think of you. 

You should only have to explain yourself if you are doing something that will harm other people. You should never explain yourself for what you’re wearing, how much money you make, or something along those lines.

Why should you stop justifying your actions to others?

It’s not a question of whether you should or shouldn’t explain yourself. Of course, it’s important to be able to articulate your point of view, but it doesn’t mean that you must always explain yourself. When you constantly explain yourself, you’re showing a lack of confidence.

Confident people don’t need to explain themselves because they know what they’re talking about and how to express their ideas in the best way possible. 

Each time you think, “Why do I need to explain myself?” You’re already on the verge of getting your power back. Because the truth is, you don’t need to justify anything. 

Related Reading:- Do Cheaters Suffer? 8 Reasons Their Actions Bruise Them Too

How do I stop explaining myself so much?

The best way to stop over-explaining yourself is to start practicing what we call “being in the flow state.” When you’re in this state, you have all the energy and enthusiasm you need to deliver your ideas, and you don’t feel like you need to explain anything. 

Next, you must learn to relax, focus on the present moment and be more confident. Stop worrying about other people’s thoughts, and focus on yourself. If you’re asking, “How can I explain myself?” Then do it calmly and rationally but not in a way that seems defensive and over-the-top. 

Why am I always having to justify my actions?

You’re justifying yourself because you’re worried about how other people will react when they hear your ideas. You think that if they don’t understand what you’re saying, they’ll think less of you as a person. 

This is an unhealthy way of thinking. You are trying to control how other people think about you, but you can’t do that. All you can do is express your ideas and hope they resonate with others.