What to Do When You Miss Your Ex? 20 Helpful Things

Breakups can be incredibly challenging, leaving us with a whirlwind of emotions and a sense of loss that’s hard to shake. 

Whether it was an amicable separation or a more painful parting of ways, missing your ex is a common and natural reaction. The memories, the shared experiences, and the familiarity of their presence can linger long after the relationship has ended. 

But what to do when you miss your ex? How can you navigate the often treacherous waters of heartbreak and find a path towards healing and self-discovery?

In this article, we will explore helpful things you can do when you miss your ex. These strategies encompass a wide range of emotional and practical approaches, each designed to aid you in moving forward and reclaiming your life. While missing your ex may be inevitable, it doesn’t have to define your future happiness. 

By understanding your feelings, taking constructive steps, and focusing on self-care, you can emerge from this challenging period stronger, wiser, and better equipped for whatever the future holds. 

Whether you’re in the early stages of post-breakup grief or have been grappling with these feelings for some time, there’s something here for everyone to help you find your way through the pain and towards a brighter future.

Why do I miss my ex so much?

When you miss your ex, you probably wonder if it is normal to miss them so much. The truth is that it is entirely normal to find yourself realizing, “I can’t stop thinking about my ex,” after the relationship ends.

This is because you spent time with them and shared life, so you have to adjust to the changes associated with the end of the relationship.

Even if the relationship wasn’t perfect, you would find yourself missing your ex because you will also hold on to some of the positive memories of the relationship.

So don’t feel discouraged or like something is wrong with you if you miss your ex-girlfriend or boyfriend. You have happy memories together, and it’s only natural to miss the good times.

20 things to do when you miss your ex

There is no one best way to get over an ex, but when you realize, “I still think about my ex all the time,” there are fortunately ways to cope with missing someone.

Consider the following strategies for how to not miss someone when you can’t get over an ex:

1. Think about the reasons ending the relationship was for the best

Remember that recalling fond memories of the relationship leads to distress over your breakup, so when you are trying to figure out how to stop missing your ex, it may be helpful to remind yourself of the negatives of the relationship.

Maybe you and your ex were always fighting, or perhaps being in the relationship was stopping you from pursuing your career goals.

Whatever the case, calling attention to the not-so-pleasant parts of the relationship can bring you back to reality and get you out of the funk of missing your ex.

2. Don’t hold your feelings inside 

Repressing your emotions can make it hard to process them and move on from your ex truly.

Instead of trying to control your feelings of missing your ex inside, share them with someone you can trust, like a close friend. Letting your feelings out can help you to let go of them eventually. 

3. Take up journaling

Maybe you don’t feel comfortable sharing your feelings with a friend, but it is still helpful to get them out one way or another.

If you feel more comfortable with writing than talking, you might consider taking up journaling to release some of your negative emotions surrounding still missing my ex. 

4. Stay busy

When you miss your ex, it is easy to stay home feeling sorry for yourself, but remaining productive can take your mind off your feelings of sadness.

Get ahead on some tasks at work, or start on those projects you’ve meant to do around the house. Giving yourself a long to-do list can help you turn your sadness into productivity. 

5. Do not give in to the urge to call or text 

If you’re asking yourself, “Why can’t I get over my ex?” do not give in to your desire to contact them.

You may think you’ll feel better hearing their voice or receiving a message from them, but reaching out can make it hard to forget about them altogether.

You may be sad if you reach out and find that they have no interest in talking to you or if you learn they are dating someone new.

6. Go out with friends 

It is somewhat natural for friends to fall by the wayside during a serious relationship, as our significant other becomes a priority. Instead of staying at home alone and missing your ex, take advantage of the opportunity to reconnect with friends.

Get together for dinner, see that movie you’ve been dying to see or get back to enjoying your favorite activities with friends to take your mind off of your ex.

7. Focus on self-improvement 

A little self-improvement can boost your confidence and mood when you’re trying to figure out what to do when you miss your ex.

Get a haircut, treat yourself to some new clothes, or take that class you’ve wanted to take to further your career.

8. Consider whether you miss your ex 

It is normal to feel a sense of longing when a relationship ends, but it may not be your former partner you miss. You might miss the routine the two of you shared or the idea of being in love.

When you look back at the negatives of the relationship, you may realize that you don’t miss the person that much after all. 

9. Talk kindly to yourself

After a breakup, it’s easy to get stuck in a trap of negative self-talk. You may blame yourself for the breakup and tell yourself that the breakup wouldn’t have happened if you were smarter, more attractive, or a better person.

Don’t allow yourself to get caught up in this negativity. Give yourself positive affirmations, and you are likely to find that you are not so stuck on the thought of, “I can’t get over my ex.”

10. Ask people not to mention your ex 

When you’re trying to get over an ex, it can be hard not to miss the person when mutual friends constantly say their name. You can politely ask your friends not to bring up your ex while you are healing.

11. Get moving

Not only can exercise be a form of self-improvement, but it can also alleviate some of your feelings of sadness associated with missing your ex.

12. Take some time to travel

You may find yourself thinking, “I’m still missing my ex.” If this is the case, now is the time to book that beach vacation or travel back home to see family.

A change of scenery can help you to shift your mindset and move on from your ex.

13. Get rid of the reminders

If you’ve been hesitant to get rid of old pictures or gifts that remind you of your ex, doing so can help you stop missing them. It’s difficult not to think of someone when reminders of them are in front of you.

No matter how difficult it may be, you will probably have to toss the old photos in the trash or remove them from your phone. 

14. Be a little selfish

Relationships require compromise and sometimes putting your partner’s needs before your own, or at least sacrificing some of your preferences for the good of the relationship.

Now that the relationship has ended, instead of missing your ex, focus on putting yourself first. Take advantage of the opportunity to spend all of your time exactly as you like. 

15. Practice self-care

Self-care is important at any time, but especially when you are missing an ex. Be sure to eat properly, get plenty of rest, and take time to do things you enjoy.

Feeling sad doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to care for yourself; in fact, you’re probably going to find that it’s harder to stop thinking about your ex if you aren’t properly caring for yourself.

16. Spend time with those who love you

An important part of what to do when you miss your ex is to surround yourself with those who care about and support you. Missing your ex may mean that you are craving time spent with those who love you.

Reaching out to family and friends and soaking in their love can help you get over your ex faster.

17. Focus on your passions

Relationships can be intense and bring a sense of power to our lives, which fizzles away after a breakup.

To get some of this intensity back, spend some time on your passions. Take on a project at work that interests you, or spend time volunteering for a cause you’re passionate about. 

18. Try something new

Sometimes, missing your ex is because of boredom. Try something new, challenge yourself in a new way, or take on something that scares you.

Maybe you should consider going back to school, signing up for a marathon, or learning a new skill. 

Watch this video to learn more about why we must do new things to live a happier life:

19. Take charge of your future

Breaking up with an ex can feel like a little bit of a letdown because falling in love can give you hope for a future together. You may start making plans for buying a house together or talking about shared relationship goals.

Stop thinking about your ex and set some goals of your own so that you can feel excited about the future again.

20. Consider therapy

If you still can’t figure out what to do when you miss your ex, it may be time to seek treatment. A licensed professional can help you process your emotions and develop solutions for when you are missing your ex.

Commonly asked questions

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can help you understand how to deal with missing your ex in a healthier manner:

• Can I get back together with my ex?

Rekindling a relationship with an ex is possible, but it requires thoughtful consideration. 

Reflect on the reasons for the breakup, assess whether both parties have grown, and communicate openly about your intentions and expectations. It’s essential to address the initial issues that led to the breakup and ensure both are willing to work on the relationship.

• How do I know when I’m ready to start dating again?

Knowing when to start dating after a breakup depends on your emotional readiness. When you feel you’ve healed from the past relationship, have regained your independence, and are genuinely interested in meeting new people, it’s a good sign. 

Ensure you’re not seeking a new relationship as a way to fill an emotional void.

• What if I’m still in love with my ex?

If you still have feelings for your ex, it’s important to give yourself time and space to heal. Consider whether those feelings are based on genuine compatibility or a fear of being alone. Seeking closure and focusing on self-improvement can help you move forward.

• What if my ex wants to get back together with me?

If your ex expresses interest in rekindling the relationship, have an open and honest conversation. Discuss the reasons for the breakup, what has changed, and whether both are willing to work on the issues. 

Take time to evaluate your own feelings and whether restarting the relationship aligns with your needs and goals.

• How do I deal with my ex’s new partner?

Dealing with your ex’s new partner can be challenging. Focus on your own healing and personal growth. Avoid comparing yourself to their new partner, as it’s unproductive. Maintain boundaries, limit contact if necessary, and prioritize your own happiness and well-being.

Conclusion

In conclusion, navigating the challenging terrain of missing your ex is a journey marked by a myriad of emotions, memories, and uncertainties. It’s important to remember that there is no one-size-fits-all solution to this complex issue, and each individual’s experience is unique. 

However, by embracing a balanced and empathetic approach, we can better cope with these feelings and ultimately find healing and growth.

Furthermore, consider the possibility of maintaining a respectful and friendly connection with your ex if circumstances allow and both parties are comfortable with it. However, remember that this can be a delicate balance, and it’s important not to use it as a means to rekindle a romantic relationship that may not be in your best interest.

Ultimately, missing your ex is a natural part of the healing process after a breakup. It signifies the depth of your emotions and the significance of the relationship. 

By embracing your feelings, taking time for self-care, and seeking support when necessary, you can turn this challenging period into an opportunity for personal growth and a brighter future ahead. Remember, healing is a journey, and you’re on the path to a healthier and happier you. 

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Jennifer Schulz LCSW

Dr. Jenni Schulz is a licensed social worker with a master's degree in social work from The Ohio State University, and she earned her Doctorate of Philosophy in Psychology from National University. She has worked in the social work field for 14 years and is currently a professor at Ashland University.... Read more She writes website content about mental health, addiction, and fitness. Dr. Schulz is licensed as both a social worker through Ohio Board of Counselors, Social Workers, and Marriage/Family Therapists and a school social worker through Ohio Department of Education. She currently works primarily as a crisis therapist at her local hospital and jail, while engaging in mental health consulting virtually. Read less

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