A toxic relationship consistently makes you feel worse about yourself. You feel degraded, and the other person refuses to take responsibility for their actions. When you have a toxic sibling, these emotional dynamics are even more complicated. When inside the family system, such draining relationships are often quickly dismissed.As loyalty and care are highly valued, even if you know that something is off, you may refuse to acknowledge it due to feelings of fear, shame, and guilt. If you have a challenging relationship with your sibling and wonder if they may be toxic for you, attempt the following quiz.
1. How do they act towards you in a family context?
A. They are trying to defend themselves when I make comments and jokes about them.
B. They may constantly pick on me, or simply ignore me.
C. They may avoid contact at first, but get warmer after a while.
D. They are warm and affectionate, and usually take my side in an argument.
2. How does your sibling feel about control?
A. They are overly controlling of everything, and even want to mess up my private life at times.
B. They struggle to let go of it sometimes, yet they know that it makes me feel uneasy.
C. They are okay with letting go of it in our relationship.
D. They struggle with it in our relationship, as I have all the power.
3. How do they feel about conflict?
A. They seem to love it and create it every chance they get.
B. They seem to avoid it and feel happy for the accomplishments of other people inside the family
C. They sometimes react too abruptly and create conflict without meaning to, yet they feel bad afterward..
D. They avoid conflict with me, since I am constantly ready to prove that I am important and right.
4. How do you feel around your sibling?
A. Like I’m walking on eggshells; I never feel safe.
B. Good, yet I keep my guard up as they sometimes react angrily without apparent reason.
C. Comfortable and happy; they feel like home.
D. Very annoyed, I have the constant urge to tease them.
5. When they need your help with something, what do you do?
A. I don’t have time for that, and really, it’s probably not that important.
B. I’m always there for them, yet there is no problem if I am unable to do it.
C. I strive to help them out, yet they constantly ask for something and make me feel horrible if I refuse or am unable to do it.
D. They may react angrily if I’m unavailable at times, but it soon passes and they apologize.
6. What about when you need their advice or help?
A. They are never around or constantly let me down; I simply cannot trust them.
B. They would happily help me out, and I can trust them with my life.
C. They will always do it, as I can easily manipulate them into it.
D. They sometimes get annoyed when I ask them, but are always by my side.
7. What happens when you and your sibling argue with each other?
A. They may get angrier and/or use harsh words to avoid blame, but they always apologize afterwards.
B. They stand up for themselves but are ready to admit their mistakes.
C. They always end up getting blamed, even if in reality the fault is mine.
D. They blame me or other people around them for things they do, and never seem to feel bad about it.
8. What does your sibling do when they see that you feel bad?
A. They usually don’t know what to do, although they show me that they care.
B. They’re there for me to talk to or give me emotional support at all times.
C. They usually laugh at me and tell me to suck it up; they have never validated my feelings.
D. They want to talk, yet I’m the one who can’t stand someone sobbing around.
9. How does your sibling provide criticism?
A. The remarks they make are always thought out, grounded in reality, and meant for my greater good.
B. They are usually highly judgmental and critical, and do it every chance they get.
C. They try to be as polite as possible, while I might sometimes get brutal in the words I say to them.
D. Most of the time, they are honest and may get too harsh when angry, yet they feel sorry afterward.
10. Do they talk behind your back to other people?
A. I don’t care if they do, as I will make them regret it and tell everyone how they really are
B. Never. I know them and they would never do such a thing.
C. Yes, I have many examples, and they do it to make me look bad.
D. Even if it has happened, it might have been done in anger and not intentionally.