Tips to Spot a Narcissist
Knowing who to let through the door is strictly a lesson learned by trial and error. When it comes to dating, finding the right mate to live happily-ever-after with is the flavored drink we all want a sip of.
We have the notion in our heads, especially after seeing Cinderella a zillion times, that Prince Charming is actually charming, adores us completely and will forever be devoted to us.
There are very few fairy tales that offer a part two.
No one really wants to hear what happened after the carriage turned back into a pumpkin and the fairy godmother disappeared.
That’s because it’s now replaced by wet towels on the castle floor, no servants in sight and where did those in-laws come from?
Another factor not to be overlooked is that there are no cute mice to have conversations with, so you start to doubt your sanity.
Did that argument really go the way he said it went?
Did I really unjustly accuse him and hurt his feelings?
Maybe I overreacted?
Maybe he was just joking in front of his friends…After all, he did tell me he liked my dress.
Does this sound like you?
Maybe this sounds like you a thousand times over.
Long before the ring was slipped onto your finger, your resistance was already down and your tolerance level was already high, courtesy of charm and adoration.
You were already entangled with a narcissist.
That’s how you became wrapped up in your current life; commonly known as his life.
He was sweet, devoted, charming and a snake encircling your neck. The poisonous flavored drink that you sipped a little at a time eventually was utterly toxic.
You felt you needed to record, maybe even video record, every conversation with your mate just to prove to yourself that you were not losing your mind.
How can everything be your fault?
Narcissists are the master of manipulation. They will have you believing that you evoke their bad behavior and that you should be grateful they forgive you each time you overreact.
Knowing the signs of narcissism can prevent a world of misery and unhappiness, wrinkles and eye cream.
No one wants to be blindsided, lose their identity, doubt their own sanity or have their character questioned so eloquently that they didn’t even notice they were just sliced and diced until they noticed their heart was in pieces, spread in a neat pile on the floor.
Awareness is the key during the dating process
Signs you are entangled with a narcissist:
- Your partner is arrogant with little or no empathy.
- Your partner exhibits controlling behavior.
- 80% of what your partner says is a lie and the other 20% is a little white lie.
- Your partner has an undying need to feel superior at all times.
- Your partner blames everyone else and never admits their faults. Will never answer a direct question.
- Your partner is a bully and uses verbal abuse readily.
- Your partner does not recognize boundaries and doesn’t adhere to any.
- Your partner plays with your emotions. Charm, Seduce. Be Cruel. Repeat.
- Your partner never validates your feelings. They discard them easily and without thought.
- Your partner never gives anything willingly without thought. The thought is how they can manipulate you into being in debt to them.
- Your partner has a horror story about their ex. The crazy one.
- Your partner provokes you then blame you for your reaction.
Narcissists cause immense emotional damage
Narcissists like very few people and no one more than the reflection in the mirror. They will never appreciate you because they are so busy expecting you to be grateful for the honor of visiting their life. They will rob you emotionally, physically, mentally and financially and mock you with a smile that you feel so broken.
Awareness is vital as you wander through life seeking a partner
Knowing your value and expecting it to be validated should be a golden rule in the dating world.
We have emotional radar built in, our own GPS. Great Partner Surveillance.
It is in the limbic system of the brain. It allows us to be emotional creatures and the frontal lobe of the brain allows us to have emotional responses and utilize critical thinking skills.
These two areas can be better than an investigative service. You know yourself better than anyone. If it doesn’t feel right, your brain will let you know, that’s the emotional part. You must be open to listening to it without falling into the “he will change trap.” That’s the critical thinking part at work.
Do not ignore it!
Narcissists do not change.
So if the relationship leaves you upset, leaves you doubting, evokes emotions such as confused, exhausted, depressed, discontented, belittled, disillusioned or stressed, then it’s time to find another castle. Preferably one with mice that cook and clean.
Want to have a happier, healthier marriage?
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
More by Tracy Crudup