Wedding Letter: For A Newly Married Couple

To the Happy Couple, Your wedding day…the nervous excitement and the frantic last minute details is one of the wonderful and precious milestones of life. As you embark on this journey of marriage I want to share with you how very happy I am for you both. Marriage can be simple if you follow what makes it work. Having a strong commitment to your foundation will make your marriage last your lifetime. Here are my best building blocks to continue forming your marital foundation.

1. Laugh: Never stop seeing the humor in life. When your irritable, tired and overwhelmed… remember laughter truly is the best medicine.

2. Communicate: Communicate, be honest about what bothers you, triggers you and brings you joy. Listen to one another and ask questions to show you are interested and you care. Know each other’s love languages and speak to one another in each of your languages.

3. Acknowledge and appreciate: Say, I love you as often as you can. Say hello, goodbye, goodnight, good morning, please, thank you, I am sorry, I appreciate you, I understand, help me to understand, I missed you today, say these words every chance you get and mean them.

4. Show kindness: Always be kind, gentle and patient and polite with one another and your children. Be nice because nice matters. Even if the other person is mean, be nice. Learn how to argue productively and without hurting each other and never ever call each other names especially to your children. When you have a bad day communicate to one another your needs and then respect them. Going to bed upset is better than continuing a fight that only makes more hurt. Sometimes it is just better to let things go for a while and then revisit them with a solution. Nobody “WINS” in a relationship and if you try, you both will lose.

5. Integrity and respect: Have integrity and respect so that you can always be honest with one another. Say what you mean and mean what you say and if you can’t then don’t say it and don’t do it. Respect the privacy of one another. Keep the business of your marriage to yourself and off social media. It is wonderful to post positives but do not air your dirty laundry online. When you speak poorly of one another it reflects negatively on you and undermines your marital foundation.

6. Acceptance: Accept the fact that you are individuals and different from one another. Don’t have unrealistic expectations of one another. This always leads to disappointment. Capitalize on each other’s strengths and know and accept each other’s weaknesses. Learn to accept each other for who you are rather than focusing on changing each other.

7. Balance: Strive for balance and consistency in every aspect of your life but that doesn’t mean you can’t be spontaneous, silly and fun. That is what balance is all about. Maintain a balance of giving and taking and be ready to make sacrifices. There may be times when you have to sacrifice what you want to help your partner achieve what they want. It’s about the balance of give and take.

8. Support: Always be there for one another and have each other’s back at all times.

9. Protect your individuality: Don’t be afraid to be apart. Having alone time with yourself, your friends or your family is important. Be the best you can be for one another which means showing your love for one another by loving yourself by how you treat yourself and take care of yourself physically and mentally.

10. Share: Share activities, hobbies, hope and dreams and interests with one another.

11. Romance: Be Romantic. Sex is important but touching and kissing and snuggling are also important. Flirt with one another. It is important to keep those sparks alive, go on dates, be playful, complement each other as much as possible. Research shows that touching creates a stronger bond by releasing oxytocin.

12. Be present: Put down your mobile phone. Make the most of your time together and try not to take it for granted. Understand that life is short. Life is as busy as you make it. Make the time to be with each other. Eat dinner together and as a family. It is a wonderful time to connect and share with one another, laugh and plan together. Make one another a priority in your hopes and dreams. With all my love and blessings

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Theresa K. Cooke Psychologist

Theresa K. Cooke is the founder of FACES, INC., and has been in private practice since 1985. Graduating from Albion College in 1982, she went on to Hofstra University in New York to earn her Master’s degree in 1984. She brings over 30 years of experience through training, certification,... Read more education and experience of working with over 3000 cases. Theresa is EMDR trained in Level I and Level II and has completed Mediation training through the Mediation Training and Consulting Institute with Zena Zumeta J.D. Theresa has appeared on local radio and television to discuss various topics ranging from sexual trauma to commentaries on current events in the mental health field. She is accepted as an expert witness in the area of trauma, childhood development, marriage and relationships, parenting time and family dynamics since 1985 in Genesee, Livingston, Lapeer, Tuscola and Oakland Counties. She has written articles that appears in several publications online and in print. Theresa K. Cooke is also a Diplomat of Clinical Forensic Counseling-Forensic Assessment / Evaluation / Mediation of Child Custody Evaluations from the American College of Certified Forensic Counselors and the National Association of Forensic Counselors #F19734 as well as a Nationally Certified Psychologist #00529 and has been an AASECT member since 1985. She has been awarded the Grand Blanc High School Distinguished Alumni Award for her contributions to her community and has been the recipient of the ARGUS AWARD for her contribution to the children of Genesee County. Theresa K. Cooke MA, LMSW, LLP provides professional, comprehensive mental health treatment, utilizing an integrated approach. Psychotherapy services are offered in a sensitive, supportive and compassionate environment to enhance and support the personal growth of the individual, couple and family. She is committed to a holistic approach by coordinating with physicians and other supportive professionals for the best interest of individual, couple and family. Read less

(Theresa K. is also listed in Best Marriage Therapists in Flint)