How to Rekindle a Marriage After Separation: 13 Helpful Ways

So you find yourself in that scary place called separation, and perhaps you are wondering how to rekindle a marriage after separation.

No doubt the separation has come after months or even years of tension and turmoil in your marriage. Eventually, the point was reached by one or both spouses, where a trial separation, permanent separation, or a legal separation seemed like the best option.

The way you feel about your marriage separation would depend to a large extent on whether you were the one to initiate it or not and, of course, what the reasons were for the trouble in your marriage.

If you are asking yourself, ‘Can my marriage be saved? ‘and want to know how to rekindle a relationship after things went sour or how to win someone back, read on.

What does being legally separated mean? 

While a trial separation is pretty informal and done on a personal level, a legal separation involves a court order. Nonetheless, such a marriage separation agreement still means that there’s hope for a couple.

Some couples have to experience a pause in their relationship in order to fully understand how much they want to make it work.

There may be many issues behind a marriage falling apart, but a divorce is usually not something that can make a couple happy.

Regardless of the underlying issues, marital separation is usually an intensely emotional time for both partners who find themselves suspended somewhere between marriage and divorce.

Feelings of uncertainty, fear, and loneliness are to be expected. However, a separation in marriage can also serve as a valuable wake-up call, giving both of you time for reflection.

How to rekindle a marriage after legal separation? 13 steps

To rekindle a marriage after separation requires both parties to see into the future and try to understand how hurtful it would be not to have the other person in their life.

The following steps can be helpful regarding how to rekindle a marriage during separation

1. Take it slowly

Give yourself and your spouse all the time you need, and realize that you cannot rush or force a deep change of heart.

Take time to think carefully about everything you say and do. Impulsive or hasty decisions can be some of the ones we most regret, but when you have thought things through thoroughly, you are less likely to regret your decision later.

The last thing you want is a quick “patch-up,” which will inevitably not last if the underlying issues have not been dealt with. Think hard before you sign on the dotted line of the separation agreement.

If you still know how to save your marriage and only need an extra push from your partner, then ask for it. Getting back together with an ex is always an option later on, but why mend later when the relationship can be fixed at this stage itself?

2. Control your anger and blaming

If you are seeking to be reconciled with your spouse, it is counterproductive to spew out anger, hatred, and blame towards him or her.

This will only drive you further apart, increasing the resentment and hostility between you after you have separated from your spouse.

You need to reach a place where you are able to share your hurt in a constructive manner with a view to understanding and cooperation in overcoming the problems in your relationship.

In order to rekindle a marriage after separation, this is the first thing both partners have to part with in order to see things from a different perspective.

Take responsibility for your own actions and attitudes rather than blaming the other person.

3. Create healthy boundaries

During the time of separation, it is important to create healthy boundaries by communicating your expectations and setting ground rules. This may include refraining from sexual intimacy while you both take time to deal with your emotions.

If there are children involved, it is also important that clear boundaries are adhered to regarding visits and contact so that the children do not become alienated from one or other parents. Handling of finances is another practical area where clear agreements need to be reached.

4. Identify and work on root issues

Want to know how to handle a separation of marriage? You can start looking into why a distance was created between you two in the first place. The time of separation can be a very valuable opportunity to step back and get perspective on your marriage.

It is especially important that you try to identify the root issues that have caused you to come to this point. Perhaps the cause seems obvious, such as having an affair or an addiction.

However, behind this behavior, there are probably several underlying root causes, often going back to negative childhood experiences that have not been properly processed.

5. Practice genuine forgiveness

Once you have identified the root issues, it is important that both of you are willing to work on these issues and learn to forgive each other. 

It is important for both parties to forgive each other for any hurt or pain that was caused during the separation and work towards rebuilding trust. 

If you are both open to forgiving and learning from your difficult experiences, you can embrace this opportunity to change and grow close to one another again.

Holding onto grudges and resentment will only hinder progress towards a healthy and happy marriage. It may be helpful to seek guidance from a therapist or counselor to help with the process of forgiveness.

6. Start with occasional dates

After a significant time of separation, when you both start to feel ready for closer contact, it is a good idea to start with occasional dates. Look for opportunities to interact with your spouse in a pleasant atmosphere.

But how to date your spouse during a separation? 

Try to find ways to treat them with respect and kindness. Try to remember and help each other to remember why you fell in love in the first place.

Meet for shorter durations and do not get into long discussions about the past to successfully rekindle a marriage after separation.

For both parties, separation from husband or wife can deeply hurt their self-esteem.

7. Look to the future

When you are getting back together after separation, there comes a point when you need to leave the past behind you and look to the future.

No matter what has happened between you, if you are both willing to learn new and positive patterns of relating to one another, you can look forward to a happier future.

Your marriage can be renewed and strengthened, and you will be able to look back on your time of separation as a valuable turning point for the better.

8. Be very honest with yourself right from the beginning

To learn how to rekindle a marriage requires some introspection and openness to accept faults. 

Know that you are trying to rekindle a marriage after separation because you 100% want to get back together; if any doubts persist in your mind, seek a counselor who can help you determine this.

If you’re sure that you definitely want to save your marriage after separation, then you must invest enough to make some changes to enjoy a healthy and intimate connection with your partner again.

9. Prioritize your relationship

Remember that once you decide to aim for reconciliation after a separation, you must make it a priority. This means putting in the work and going above and beyond to make sure you are dedicated and jointly responsible for rebuilding the connection.

10. Respect your partner

Another step towards learning how to rebuild your marriage during a separation is to respect your partner all over again.

There may be feelings of anger and resentment still in your heart because of your past, and you may need help letting go of those things.

Loving and accepting your partner for who they are is important, and once you’re able to do this, you’ll be more prepared to work through your differences in a thoughtful and kind way.

This must be the foundation and the very basis of your marriage and relationship.

11. Be kind and compassionate

The simple act of always being kind and compassionate towards one another can save a relationship.

If you embrace this attitude of always being kind and respectful towards your spouse, you will be able to resolve conflicts more effectively.

Being mindful about this is essential for a lasting relationship. For example, if you find yourself to be angry with your spouse, you can still exhibit kindness by not being overly mean or critical of them.

There’s no need to speak condescendingly or make mean remarks. Instead, cool down and explain your point when you know you both can talk about it nicely.

On any given day, choose kindness over winning an argument.

12. Express yourself

This is the ultimate marriage separation advice you will get when you want to know how to bring back the spark in a relationship.

By expressing yourself, you let feelings of trust seep back into the relationship. Real intimacy is what keeps a marriage thriving. You can express yourself in a variety of ways:

• Express your emotions when you share light moments, physical affection, non-sexual touching
• Allow yourself to be vulnerable with your partner and let them be vulnerable too
• Talk about your day, important experiences, and opinions, and share fun moments together.

13. Have fun together

Are you thinking about how to fix a broken marriage after separation? Make it a priority to have fun together as a couple once again.

Take some time out to have a little adventure with your spouse. This will enable you to reconnect together as a couple, just like you did in the early days of your relationship.

Yes, separation makes things complicated, but this is your own unique way to show you still care about your significant other. When you have decided to rekindle a marriage after separation, giving it another try means starting afresh.

That means enjoying the ride just the way you would at the beginning of a relationship, minus any hangovers.

If your relationship is precious to you, and you don’t want it to fall apart again, then take the initiative to surmount your problems as a couple and rekindle the love.

Watch this video to learn more about the importance of having fun with your spouse:

Is it possible to get back together after separation?

Yes, it is possible for a couple to get back together after a separation, but it depends on various factors. Both individuals should be willing to work on the issues that led to the separation, communicate openly and honestly, and be committed to rebuilding trust. 

Seeking professional help or counseling can also be helpful in improving communication and resolving the underlying issues. However, it is important to note that not all relationships are salvageable, and both parties need to assess if getting back together is truly in their best interest.

FAQs

Here are the answers to some pressing questions that can help you understand how to rekindle a marriage after separation:

• What should I do if my spouse is not interested in rekindling the marriage?

Rekindling a marriage after separation can be challenging if one spouse is not interested. It is important to respect their decision and focus on self-healing. Take time to reflect on the reasons for the separation and consider seeking therapy or counseling to work through any unresolved issues. 

It may also be beneficial to prioritize personal growth and happiness, even if it means moving forward without the spouse. Ultimately, each individual deserves to be in a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

• Is there anything else I should know about rekindling a marriage after separation?

When rekindling a marriage after separation, it is crucial to understand that it will take time, effort, and commitment from both partners. Open and honest communication, forgiveness, and rebuilding trust are essential for healing the relationship. Seeking professional help or couples therapy can provide guidance and support during this process. 

Additionally, setting realistic expectations and being patient with each other’s progress is important to avoid further disappointment or setbacks.

• What percentage of separated couples get back together?

The percentage of separated couples that get back together can vary widely and depends on various factors, such as the reasons for the separation, individual circumstances, and commitment from both parties. 

While statistics can provide a general idea, every relationship is unique. It is crucial to focus on personal growth and happiness during the separation rather than solely on the possibility of reconciliation. Prioritizing self-improvement and creating a fulfilling life is important, regardless of the outcome of the relationship.

• Does separation help a marriage? 

Separation can potentially help a marriage, as it provides an opportunity for reflection, gaining perspective, and working on issues that led to the separation. However, the outcome can vary for each couple. 

Factors such as intentions, communication, and efforts to reconcile play a significant role. It is not a guaranteed solution, as research shows that a large number of separations ultimately end in divorce. Clear agreements, goals, and professional guidance can improve the chances of a positive outcome.

• How to cope with separation in marriage? 

Getting through a separation in a marriage can be challenging, but there are strategies that can help. Firstly, prioritize self-care by engaging in activities that promote your well-being, such as exercise and mindfulness. 

Seek support from friends, family, or a therapist to process your emotions and gain perspective. Set clear boundaries and establish open and honest communication with your spouse. Use this time to focus on personal growth and self-reflection. 

Consider couples therapy to improve communication and work towards reconciliation if that’s the desired outcome.

In a nutshell

A struggling marriage can be revived and reignited with the right commitment, effort, and communication. By actively working on deepening emotional connections, prioritizing quality time together, fostering intimacy, and seeking professional support when needed, couples can successfully rekindle their love and rediscover the joys of a fulfilling and long-lasting marriage. 

Remember, it is never too late to invest in the happiness of your relationship and bring back the spark that once made your marriage special.