Pros and Cons of Getting Sexually Intimate During Separation

Should you be sexually intimate with your spouse during your separation? 

If you are separated from your spouse, and you are on talking terms, we are pretty sure that this question or this challenge has popped up for you.

Mixed opinions

There are plenty of opinions that say you may need to carefully evaluate whether engaging in sexual intimacy during your separation aligns with your goals and emotional readiness. 

It’s also difficult to achieve clarity on your feelings toward your marriage and your spouse if you are still connected with them intimately. However, knowing this doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s going to be easy to resist getting sexually intimate during your separation from your spouse.

Yet, in some situations getting sexually intimate during separation with your spouse might heal your relationship. So in this article, we decided to give you some pros and cons to consider before getting sexually intimate during your separation.

Benefits of getting sexually intimate during separation:

1. A chance to overcome the lack of intimacy during separation

Separation may have occurred because of a lack of intimacy.

You can now overcome and change the situation to your advantage.

If a lack of intimacy or closeness has been the cause of your seperation, and you now have the opportunity to get sexually intimate during your separation with your spouse, we say go for it. It might be the perfect opportunity to rekindle the fire that may have gone out.  

But if you are going to do this, you will need to make some considerations, such as how you will feel if things don’t improve after you’ve been intimate or if you or your spouse don’t feel like you want to get back together afterward.

We are not trying to kill the passion here, but there could be a lot of expectations relying on the outcome of your intimate activities with your spouse. If you can, it’s worth discussing these concerns with your spouse before getting intimate.  

Try to be prepared for the possibility that getting sexually intimate during your separation might not repair the marriage. If you don’t feel as though you can handle the possible adverse outcomes of the situation, it’s wise to stick to your boundaries and stay completely apart during your separation.

2. Positive hormones may give a chance to strengthen the bond

Sex creates positive hormones that bond people together.

Oxytocin is released during sexual intimacy – through touching, kissing, and orgasms. Its powers lie in encouraging a sense of connection and bonding between two people.  It’s also present during childbirth for that very reason.

So, if you are separating because you have a distance between you and your partner,  becoming sexually intimate during your separation releases Oxytocin (with the intention of increasing your bond and sense of closeness), which might just work out well for you.

3. Sexual intimacy during separation may ease tension

In some cases, sexual intimacy during separation may ease tension and improve communication.

Reduced anxiety and tension will ensure that you both might be able to achieve some clarity over what direction you would like to take the separation or your marriage.

It will also help you to find it easier to communicate together calmly and will reduce guilt over the separation.  

If you are treating each other fairly, then it is a crucial factor to consider if you will get sexually intimate during your separation from your spouse.

3. Investment in lovemaking can make your partner feel for you again

Lovemaking during separation can create opportunities for reconnection.

People like to repeat things that they enjoy, and we’ve already covered the reasons why sexual intimacy will help your marriage. 

But if you and your spouse can start to desire each other more, you’ll want to spend more time together, and loving sexual intimacy with your spouse will do just that. 

So long as you were not just going through the motions of having ‘sex.’  What we are suggesting is that sexual intimacy during your separation could encourage you to fall back in love.

Drawbacks of getting sexually intimate during separation:

1. Intimate involvement with someone else

During a separation, your spouse might be involved intimately with someone else.

It’s easy to think that if your spouse is intimate with someone else, yet you get sexually intimate during your separation with your spouse, they are likely to choose you over their new sexual partner.

In this situation, it’s not wise to get down and dirty with your separated spouse. Engaging in intimacy during separation can lead to emotional complexities if either partner is involved with someone else or uncertain about reconciliation.

The only reason you should consider getting sexually intimate during your separation is if both of you are committed to trying to rebuild a connection between you.

2. High-risk strategy

Getting sexually intimate during your separation from your spouse is a high-risk strategy for rebuilding your marriage. You are going to feel powerful emotions, including a sense of hope, loss, and love for your spouse.

The bonding hormones during sexual activity are all going to increase the desire you might have for getting back together.

This means that if you don’t or can’t make your marriage work, you are going to experience grave disappointment and potentially prolong the inevitable. It’s a strategy that should only be considered if you both feel strong enough to handle it.

Continue exploring this topic

Talk to our Marriage.com AI Relationship Coach

Chat with me, ask questions and get help

Start Chatting

Marriage.com AI: Your Relationship Guide

Talk through what's on your mind.

Automated

Hi, I'm your relationship guide. What's on your mind?

YOU COULD START WITH

Should I be intimate during separation?

What are pros and cons of sex during separation?

AI guidance only - not therapy. In crisis? Call a helpline or Find a Therapist

Terms

Sylvia Smith Author

Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle... Read more in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. Read less

Marriage.com Assessment

What Help Does Your Relationship Need Most Right Now Quiz

Reviewed byJennifer Schulz, LCSW

Backed by relationship science and evidence-based psychology, this assessment helps identify the area of your relationship that deserves the most attention right now, whether things feel strong or slightly off. Research shows that even healthy relat...

Questions: 20 | Last updated: Jan 23, 2026

Sample Question

When you and your partner talk about something important…

We listen with care — even hard talks feel safe and productive

We try to talk, but lately emotional closeness feels harder to reach

I want to be open, but part of me still guards my heart

Our discussions sometimes spiral or end unresolved

It’s hard to feel close because our physical intimacy hasn’t felt strong lately

We often see things differently about goals or priorities

Take the Quiz Now