So, you’ve walked away from the relationship and decided that you can do better for yourself than remain with your ex. You feel good because you’ve got your life back on track (or, at least, you are close to achieving that).
However, it has been weeks (or even years) since the breakup, but something doesn’t feel right. You can’t seem to get them out of your mind.
Although it may be difficult to admit, it is possible you’re still hung up on your ex. In this article, we will examine the signs you’re not over your ex.
If you have ever been there, rest assured you aren’t alone. According to a report by the Chicago Tribune, 4 out of 10 Americans have gotten back with their exes at some point.
Another 4 out of 10 Americans have found themselves visiting an exes’ Social Media feed, and another 4 out of 10 young Americans have checked out the social media handle of who their ex currently dates.
So, let’s look at the signs you’re not over your ex.
15 signs you’re not over your ex
Do you keep wondering why I am not over my ex or why I am still not over my ex, or why I am still stuck on my ex?
You can’t be sure but if you find yourself experiencing any of these 15 signs, there’s every possibility you’re not over your ex.
1. You look for the slightest opportunities to reach out to them
Something just happened to you? Your sibling got engaged? A new person moved into the neighborhood?
The smallest things make you think about them and try your best to reach out to your ex. When these things happen, you may find yourself picking up the phone to call them.
That’s almost a clear sign that you’re not over your ex.
If you always find yourself seeking parallels between your everyday activities and your ex, it could be that you’re still in love with your ex.
Does the barking dog in your mom’s neighborhood look like the German Shepherd your ex has? Does the chandelier in your new dining room remind you of the one that’s in your exes’ bedroom?
Hmmmmmmmm. Red flags!
3. You compare all your present relationships against them
So, you finally decided to give yourself a chance at love again.
After mourning your relationship with them, you (maybe) allowed your friends to talk you into seeing new people and being less prickly when interested people approach you at work every day.
The only challenge is that you’ve subconsciously found yourself using them as a yardstick for all your new relationships.
If conversations with your new romantic interests revolve around how awesome your ex was, or you’ve caught yourself thinking about how your new partner will never measure up to your ex in some ways, that could be a sign you’re not over your ex.
4. You’re snooping on their social media
It’s Friday, and you’re home alone. Out of boredom, you pick up your phone and decide to check out your Instagram feed.
30 minutes later, you find yourself on your exes’ Instagram wall, and that’s the last thing you remember doing that night.
If you’ve been in this position a number of times, it could be that you still think I cannot get over my ex.
It is okay to value the gifts you get from loved ones, but this is a bit different. If you still keep the gifts they gave you (even the ones from ages ago), especially when you do not need them, it could be a sign you’re not over your ex.
Take a quick look around your house at the moment. What gifts they gave are still within sight? If there’s a lot of them, you may want to get to work (if you want to forget them for good).
6. You’re probably putting up a strong front
When your friends ask you how you’re doing, or the random acquaintance from work tries to check up on you, you tell them you’re completely fine and good as new.
Most times, you may even be tempted to do this with more strength than is absolutely necessary.
So you may find yourself putting up a smiling face or trying to sound quippy when in truth, you’re still in love with your ex.
While it’s necessary to show people that you’re strong and that you’ve moved on, please remember to deal with this squarely if you truly want to move on from the breakup. Take as much time as you need. Deflecting almost never works!
7. You dread self-assessment moments
This is somewhat connected to the last point. While it is so much easier to convince people that you are fine and you’ve got it all figured out, there’s one person who may not fall for your cute smiles and strong facade.
This is probably why self-assessment/introspection exercises may not be your favorite at the moment.
When you try to get rid of the noise and have a conversation with yourself, you may hear that insistent voice in your mind that reminds you that you haven’t quite healed from the breakup and demands that you pay closer attention to leaving your ex in the past.
8. You have little or no interest in pursuing new love interests
Depending on the relationship you had with your ex, and how your breakup went, it may not be out of place to dread jumping into the relationship pool immediately.
However, if after an appreciable amount of time, you still find it difficult to move on and find happiness with someone else (especially when there’s someone in the picture who likes you and who you also like), it could be a sign you’re not over your ex.
If you’re at this point, please give yourself a break. You may want to try letting go of the past and pursuing something new with the new people who are worth your time at the moment. Self-awareness and acceptance would go a long way in helping you move on.
9. Seeing them makes you remember
You think you’re over them until you stumble into them during a hangout they’ve gotten invited to as well. Then, your knees go weak, and your heart begins to beat 3 times faster.
Those few seconds remind you of all the things you used to have with them, of the time you spent together, the memories you made, the vacations/events you attended, and the plans you had for the future.
Oh, and you may even find yourself thinking about how they’ve gotten much better looking since the last time you set your eyes on them. If this happens to you, you’re probably not over your ex.
10. You still see them in your future
Everyone plans, and at some point, we all daydream about the ideal future we see for ourselves.
However, if they still hold a significant position in your future (and your future plans), it is quite possible you’re still in love with your ex.
The sad part about this is that it may keep you from living your best life and maximizing your present moments.
11. You’ve started sounding cryptic
If you’ve noticed your friends giving you the ‘what’s up with you’ kind of eye recently (the type where an eyebrow goes up higher than the other, or both get furrowed) when you speak to them, you may want to check if you’re truly over your ex.
One of the things that may happen to you at this stage is that you may take to social media to share cryptic sentences/quotes.
Conversely, if you find yourself lashing out at everyone who seems to have their love lives figured out, it may be a sign you’re not yet over your ex.
Suggested video: Why silence makes your ex come back.
12. You always find an excuse to be in all the places they frequent
If each morning you meet at the diner where they go to get coffee or you take through the path they run, you may want to rethink your stance of having gotten over your ex.
Simply put, stalking them (on social media or physically) is a sign you’re still stuck on your ex.
13. You still have dreams about them
These dreams aren’t the type where they’re the villain, but the sweet dreams that you wish you won’t wake up from.
If you find yourself constantly having dreams where you’re experiencing the intimacy of any kind with your ex.
It could be a sign that somewhere in your mind, you’re still holding on to them and wishing that you can get back to the way things used to be.
14. You get jealous or protective of them
There’s no logical reason why this should happen because your relationship is supposedly in the past. However, getting jealous or protective of your ex is a sign you’re not completely over them.
So, if you caught that streak of jealousy when you heard that they had moved on from you and got themselves another partner, or you found yourself ready to jump to their help when they had a challenge, are you over your ex?
You’re standing in the center of the mall, about to pay for a new duvet for your bed. Short of when you should pay for the duvet you already picked out, you recall that your ex liked ‘red.’
Somehow, you replace the one you already picked out and reach for the nearest red duvet (although you aren’t the biggest fan of the color).
If you’ve found yourself wondering what your ex would have wanted/the decisions they would have wanted you to take under specific circumstances and allowing their preferences to influence your ultimate decisions, that’s a sign that you’re not over your ex.
In the last section of this article, we have examined 15 signs you’re not over your ex. The aim of making this list isn’t to get you depressed or make you feel bad for not being over your ex.
However, now that you can see that you’re still a bit hung up on them, you need to take steps to facilitate your healing.
Conscious practice of self-love will play a pivotal role in helping you get back on your feet. Also, cut yourself some slack and take all the time you need to get better.
If you think it is necessary, you may need to go see a specialist to help you sort through your emotions.
Breakups are no one’s best friend, but you’ve got to make a commitment to get over your ex. For good!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.