We’ve all been friend-zoned, we’ve all heard the phrase, “I wish I could find someone like you to date,” we’ve all read the signs wrong and been rejected. But, before you even get to the stage where you ask her out, sometimes it’s necessary to reflect on whether she even wants a relationship with you.
Sometimes, people send out mixed signals, which can be hard to figure out. However, even if it’s confusing, there are some subtle (and a few not-so-subtle) signs she doesn’t want a relationship with you. This article gives you a hint of what these might look like.
15 signs she does not want a relationship with you
1. Her future plans don’t involve you
If you’re friends with the girl you like, the topic of the future will inevitably come up pretty often.
Maybe when you’re hanging out at a bar or a brunch, you might have heard her make plans about where she wants to live or how many kids she wants. You might even overhear her talk to a few other friends of rooming with them in the future.
But one thing is common in these plans — you’re absent from them. This is one of the many subtle signs she doesn’t like you romantically. It could also be a sign that she’s not ready for a relationship and is therefore not making any relationship-related plans.
2. She never does anything for you
If someone likes you, they tend to do the most for you. They help you with things before you even have to ask. If you’ve noticed that she doesn’t seem thoughtful or doesn’t make an effort to help you out, it could be one of many signs a woman is not into you.
3. She doesn’t care about your well-being
A sign she isn’t interested in you is if she doesn’t care for you. If you’ve noticed that she isn’t bothered by what you do and doesn’t help you out when you’re feeling sick, then it could mean she doesn’t like you.
4. She talks about other people
While sometimes women may talk about men in front of you to make you feel jealous, it’s easy to tell when this is not so. If she talks to you about how much she likes someone (and not how much someone likes her), then it’s an indicator that she doesn’t want a relationship with you anymore.
5. She doesn’t get jealous
If she doesn’t get jealous when you talk about other women but is merely interested as a friend, that could be a sign she is not into you. If she appears to be happy or excited for you, then it’s a sign she doesn’t want a relationship and sees you only as a good friend.
6. She wants to focus on herself
Sometimes, if she’s going through a lot, she might brush you off and tell you she wants to work on herself. This may not be a direct dig at you — research shows that cultivating self-love is important before getting into a relationship. So when she says this, she doesn’t want to be intimate and is not ready for a relationship yet.
7. She friendzones you
Getting friend-zoned is more common than you think. If she says something like “I wish I could find someone like you,” or “You’re so nice! Why can’t I find more guys like you?” it’s a subtle way to let you know she is not interested in you, or it’s a sign she doesn’t want a relationship with you.
However, sometimes friend-zoning can be more obvious and mean she’s letting you down easy. For example, if you ask her out and she replies with “I just want to be friends with you” and completely stops talking with you and starts avoiding you, then it’s time to let her go. These could be signs she is uncomfortable around you.
8. She never makes plans with you
You talk with a girl and make plans to meet. You come away from the conversation, happy that you’re going to see her soon and that this could be the start of something new. But at the last minute, she cancels on you. So you make more plans, but she keeps finding ways to back out of it.
This can be a sign she doesn’t want a relationship with you or a sign she is uncomfortable around you. In either case, taking a hint and moving on from her is the best thing to do.
This video discusses why these date cancellations happen and what might’ve caused it –
9. She doesn’t want to be intimate
If sheavoidsg being intimate with you, it’s probably a sign she doesn’t want a relationship with you. This can be both physical and emotional intimacy. If you realize that she’s closed off and doesn’t open up to you, it could be because she doesn’t like you romantically and is feeling uncomfortable.
Lack of intimacy between the two of you in the early stages of dating could also signify she doesn’t want a relationship with you. Research shows inter-intimacy, differences in levels of intimacy each partner requires, contributes to the relationship. If she’s not being intimate, it could signify she’s not ready for a relationship.
10. She flirts but doesn’t act on it
Sometimes, you are sure she’s sending you signals. You notice that she keeps looking at you, or she laughs every time you make a joke. She flirtatiously touches you and even leads you on. But no matter how much you try to ask her out or make a move, she brushes you off.
If this sounds familiar to you, then it’s probably a sign that she doesn’t want a relationship but is just flirting for fun. To know if she’s just playing or not, try to observe if she acts the same way with other guys. If she does, it’s a clear sign she does not like you, so you need to move on.
11. She doesn’t hang out with you alone
You’ve noticed that she flirts and that she even acts on it, but she never wants to hang out with you alone. In a public setting, she’s always by your side. When you’re out with friends, she only talks to you, but she always refuses to be with you alone.
This could be a problem not caused by you, so stop thinking, “she doesn’t want me!”. There’s a chance she has anxiety issues, or maybe it’s just a sign she is uncomfortable around you for her reasons. So be kind and understanding, and try to help her overcome it at her own pace.
12. She’s not looking to date
It could be possible that she’s at that point in her life when she’s just looking for fun and doesn’t want a serious relationship. Maybe as we talked earlier, she’s just trying to focus on herself or not feeling like she needs a partner.
One study shows that almost half of the single population in their sample was not looking for serious relationships. This is becoming increasingly common, and if she declines any proposals, it’s likely a sign she doesn’t want a relationship with you. So if you’re looking for a serious commitment, it’s time to move on.
13. She hides you from her friends
If she’s in a serious relationship with you and wants it to last a long time, she probably won’t try to keep you hidden. If she’s hiding you from her friends and family for no good reason and tries to keep you distant from her life, it could be a sign she doesn’t want a serious relationship with you.
14. She avoids you
If you’re friends with her, but lately (ever since you asked her out), you’ve noticed that she avoids you as much as she can, then it’s a sign something is amiss. If she no longer hangs out with the friend group when you’re around or avoids making eye contact, it’s probably a sign she is uncomfortable around you.
If this sounds like your situation, then a good way to make her feel comfortable again would be to communicate your intentions and tell her you no longer want to pursue her. Making her feel uncomfortable can even end your friendship and put a strain on your friend circle. So being transparent is the best way to fix this.
You used to text her all the time. There was not a small incident in your life that you didn’t share with her. There was not a single emotion she kept hidden from you. But all of a sudden, she stopped replying to your texts.
She ghosted you. This could be because she thought things were moving too fast, and she wasn’t ready for it yet. It could mean you need to move on since it’s a sign she doesn’t want a relationship with you.
Starting a relationship with someone or even making a move on the right person can be difficult. Add mixed signals and ghosting to the mix, and everything just gets a lot messier. But being aware of subtle cues and looking out for the signs we discussed in this article can help you understand when she’s interested, and when it’s a sign she doesn’t want a relationship with you.
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action.