What Should You Do When Marital Problems are Never Resolved?

Marital problems

No one is perfect. There is no such thing as a perfect person, a perfect family, or a perfect marriage. A marriage is going to have its ups and downs. This is not a ‘bad thing’ or a ‘good thing’, it is just something that will be there. There are going to be days and times that are going to come when there are problems in the marriage. It is inevitable. But what do you do when those problems become a part of your lives? In other words, what do you do about problems that never get resolved?

The creation of a problem

How are problems created? Problems are created in many ways. One way is when one of the partners experience an unpleasant emotion during a situation. The offended partner may share their emotions and reasons with the other. This leads to them sharing their views which may not be in line with theirs. This is what people refer to as ‘an argument’. In other words, “Here is my position and the supporting evidence for my position.” Each partner doesn’t budge and the conflict remains unresolved.

Decrease of intimacy and closeness

With every additional problem or conflict that is not resolved, it begins to deteriorate the marriage. The partners in the marriage begin to lose intimacy and closeness with each other. All of these problems within the marriage are lingering and unconsciously or consciously building barriers. It is very difficult for two people to maintain closeness when problems are not being resolved. Unresolved issues lay the foundation for resentments. Resentments are nothing more than unresolved anger.

Communication itself is not the issue

So, what’s the problem? Is it communication? Not exactly, it’s something more specific. Communication in general is not the issue because we communicate all the time in our marriage. The problem here lies under a subgroup or subtype of communication called conflict resolution or the lack of conflict resolution. When there is a problem that arises, both parties begin to engage in conflict resolution. Conflict resolution is a skill that is very important to master in marriages.


Marriages are not free from problems or conflicts. When problems are not addressed and resolved, they begin to take a toll on both partners and the marriage itself. To avoid deterioration of intimacy, respect, and closeness, conflict resolution is essential. Conflict resolution is not automatic. It is a skill that both parties in marriage will develop. Couples can check their local listings, take an online class together, or contact a Licensed Marriage Therapist to get help on this.

Henry M. Pittman is a Practitioner of the Healing Arts as a Licensed Chemical Dependency Counselor, Licensed Professional Counselor, and Licensed Marriage & Famiy Therapist Associate under supervision of Rick Bruhn, PhD, LPC-S, LMFT-S and Life Coach. He holds a national designation as a National Certified Counselor (NCC) granted by the National Board for Certified Counselors. He specializes in treating substance & behavioral addictions, trauma & stress related disorders, marriage & family problems, and self-esteem.

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