Are you waiting around, month after month or even year after year, for that perfect partner to come strolling into your life?
Does it seem that no matter what you do or try, you can’t seem to attract someone that you would want to be with?
If you can relate to this, know that you’re not alone. The problem of being single, yet longing for a partner, is becoming increasingly common.
So, if you are still single, but are longing for a relationship, sit back and take a read. You may be able to relate with one or more of the below-listed reasons.
1. You don’t have a good relationship with yourself
Do you often find yourself wondering, why am I still single?
One of the biggest reasons for not being able to find a partner is that you do not have a positive and loving relationship with yourself.
A lack of self-love and care is a major roadblock to making connections with anyone.
We are often so hard on ourselves and hold ourselves to a much higher standard than we hold others to. Year after year of disappointment in oneself can create a negative self-image, which is very difficult to alter.
To attract a partner, it is vital that you at least value yourself and are proud of the person you are.
If you spend your days cowering, embarrassed even to raise your voice and be heard, you have a very slim chance of making a romantic connection or any other kind of positive attachment.
If you don’t like yourself, how can you expect other people to like you?
Loving yourself isn’t about binging on that tub of ice cream just because you feel like it, or splurging on a spontaneous online shopping spree to “treat yourself.”
Self-love is about recognizing who you are and respecting that. It’s about having self-respect and treating yourself as if you are someone that you were responsible for.
Do what you can to resolve your issues regarding self-love, respect, and acceptance. When you do this, you’ll find that you’ll naturally attract others without even trying to do so.
Watch the video given below to know how to love yourself to the core. You can get into a healthy relationship with somebody else when you love yourself first.
2. Your standards are too high or unrealistic
It seems as if we are constantly bombarded with this idea of true love and the ideal partner. Often, our criteria for a romantic partner are too lofty, and our standards are too high.
This doesn’t mean that you should settle for less, or be okay with anybody, just because you are still single.
However, it does mean that you need to work on seeing the humanity in your potential partner and not as someone who satisfies an arbitrary criterion.
It’s essential to have standards, of course. Without them, who knows what kind of trouble we would end up in.
What’s important, though, is that we do our best not to let the standards become unreasonable or unrealistic.
When we have unreasonably high standards, we place a lot of pressure on others. With this kind of pressure present right from the get-go, it can be tough to develop any type of relationship.
The idea of having standards, especially high standards, is a slippery slope.
On the one hand, you know what you deserve, and you know what you want. On the other hand, you want to leave enough wiggle room in order to account for the human element.
Nobody’s perfect, and believe it or not, if you did find that perfect person, in the beginning, both you and your partner would eventually change, and at some point, the criteria would be challenged.
This is especially bad when we have higher standards for others, but lower standards for ourselves. What kind of message does that send?
It comes from a selfish mindset and worldview. With that kind of attitude, it will be tough to find yourself in a happy relationship.
Do your best to see who they indeed are, and accept their flaws as long as the deficiencies are not severe.
3. You have a lack of confidence
This is related to the first tip of having a good relationship with yourself. However, it deserves a more in-depth explanation.
If you keep questioning yourself why I am still single and lack an actionable approach, perhaps you are short of confidence.
A lack of self-confidence is one of the significant reasons people have a hard time attracting others romantically. We’ve seen this repeatedly with the whole “bad boy vs. nice guy” phenomenon.
It seems as if, regardless of looks and appearances, the bad boys always seem to get the girls, while the nice guys are always left in the dust. Why is this?
The answer is quite simple. Confidence is such a massive element in an attraction that, if someone has a deeply flawed character, and is even cruel at times, their confidence at first often ultimately trumps those harmful elements of the personality.
These types of relationships don’t tend to last, but the point is that confidence is an actual key to attraction in the beginning.
People, more often than not, are attracted to the ones who can assert themselves in the world with dominance and strength. They are drawn in by this magnetic power of confidence.
The soft-spoken, well-mannered man finds that he is continuously passed up for more confident men, although these men may lack many essential positive qualities.
Yes, it is essential to have good manners and be kind. The point is that sometimes a lack of confidence, which shows itself in the absence of assertiveness, is a huge turn-off.
Work on your self-confidence and do your best to strike a healthy balance of passivity versus assertiveness.
Knowing when to be passive and want to be assertive makes a world of difference.
4. You’re not good at or are not interested in small talk
One trait that people who are still single and who have a hard time finding partners typically share is that they are not good at small talk.
They may feel that small talk is full of fake pleasantries, and is simply a waste of their time. These people are making a huge mistake. Here’s why…
When you first meet a person, you generally start off on an elementary level of conversation. Not deep at all. You talk about something like the weather, your job, or some common interest you may share.
Slowly, the conversation will move into deeper levels and will do so naturally. However, it will only move to a deeper level, if the person you are talking to feels comfortable enough to move to that level.
If you’re unwilling to talk about basic, even mundane topics, why should the person trust you in details of their personal lives? Small talk is a way of testing the waters.
Try to develop a real interest in the person that you are talking to, without being fake.
Engage in a small talk from this new perspective, and watch the other person feel more comfortable opening up to you.
Only then will you be able to create a deeper connection that may eventually blossom into a genuine relationship.
If you’re still single and are getting tired of waiting for a partner, don’t give up!
Review these tips and be honest with yourself about what you need to change. You would be surprised at how quickly you can change your interactions with others and yourself.
Get a better relationship with yourself, review your standards, decide to be more confident, and better talk to people you don’t know.
If you do these things, you’ll dramatically increase your chances of getting yourself out of your single rut!
If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married.
Jason Fladien is a relationship/dating coach with more than 10 years of experience. He used to struggle so much in his own love life that he decided to learn everything there is to achieve such a level of understanding at which he'd not only be able to completely change his life but also help others to change theirs.
Now he's on a mission to help others achieve effortless and happy relationships as he believes that relationships are the most important thing in life. He runs getexbackforgood.com